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different friend post

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  • different friend post

    A friend/neighbor of mine died. We used to talk a lot and miss her.

    However, do not feel like making friends with new neighbors. Have introduced myself and said welcome, though.
    Is it strange to not really want to be picking up new friends anymore after losing my neighbor/friend.

  • #2
    I'm in a somewhat similar position. Moved to a new location 7 years ago, grown children stayed in previous city. This new city is friendly, but it's hard to make friends. This new city is bilingual, I'm not. They all work - I don't. It's hard to continue to expend the time and energy to get to know these neighbours especially when it's not reciprocated. I understand what you are saying.

    One thing that I found has helped me at least be in contact with people that might have similar interests and tastes - I sew. I've hooked up with people at the local shop. I can drop in on a class, relate and converse with them for a couple of hours a week if not more. So, although we are not best friends, they are friendly faces and a certain amount of personal stuff and advise etc. seems to come out of these hours together.

    Another, I've gotten involved in curling - something I never thought I'd do. But after 5 years of curling and getting involved in the curling community - I've made friends. Even though we are not the "drop over for coffee" kind of friends we all care for each other. This particular group is both male and female and are wonderful.

    I guess what I'm saying is the emphasis might be on you to go out and make the effort even though it may not be returned. The next person you make the effort with just might be your best friend for life.



    • #3
      thanks for your post, claret!
      guess what am saying unlike needy too, I have no desire to go out and look for any friends

      just was wondering if that seems strange to not want to be picking up new friends

      thanks BD, that makes sense, might be what I need
      Last edited by amy40; 01-23-2017, 01:28 AM. Reason: reply to BD


      • #4
        Nah. I don't think it's abnormal. Loss is life changing, truly. This may be a period of time where being introverted and introspective is what you NEED. I do think it is important to have friends in your life, people who can help to pick you up in times you fall....but there is no rule that says how many of those you should have.

        I have gotten MUCH more introverted since my former boyfriend died. Is it the result of the traumatic experience or just my age? Who knows....but it's what I need right now. I still nurture my existing friendships, but I am certainly not on the market for new ones.
        "Be what you're looking for."


        • #5
          Another place to meet people is by taking community education classes from the local community college. They usually meet several times, often on weekends and are each focused on a single subject. Computer classes, cooking, languages, travel, etc. are typical subjects.
          I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
          Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

          From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


          • #6
            still don't feel like making any new friends, however, since this post have talked more with some of the newer neighbors


            • #7

              this past week have had enough interaction to last me the rest of the summer
              long talks with couple of moms who I didn't know week before but now know all kinds of personal info about their kids and their life; maybe I've become a better listener

              they are both really nice people and I am not complaining.....

              I do like talking with people (these two are super nice)
              thought I was becoming more extroverted since becoming a parent but guess am not


              • #8
                I am sorry for your loss. It is not abnormal to not want to make new friends. Grief can have that effect. If you do want to make friends elsewhere, your neighborhood community education classes and adult social clubs are a good way to go. But it's fine to want to spend time alone sometimes.


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Popcorn&Candy View Post
                  I am sorry for your loss. It is not abnormal to not want to make new friends. Grief can have that effect.
                  thanks popcorn,
                  at first I thought didn't want to make friends because of missing friend and didn't want to feel that hurt again

                  now I realize, since interaction with our child fills up my contact bucket pretty high
                  only have so much left in bucket for other interactions


                  • #10
                    Seems like those of us who are naturally introverted anyway tend to get more so as the years pass.
                    "Be what you're looking for."


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Beautiful Disaster View Post
                      Seems like those of us who are naturally introverted anyway tend to get more so as the years pass.
                      BD ....guess you are right!