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My surrogacy journey

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  • My surrogacy journey

    Hi, everybody, Im here to ask your advice and help. Im 32 years old and I have diabetes. I was diagnosed with it when I was 25. When I was 27, I gave birth to a lovely daughter. The pregnancy lasted rather well. I managed to balance my glucose level, and my daughter was delivered by cesarean section on the 38th week. When I turned 30 we wanted to give birth to one more child. We hoped that everything will be ok, but my glucose level became rather unbalanced. I also started to have certain kidney problems. My GP and gyny dont recommend me not to take risks with the second pregnancy. They advise us to try surrogacy. Both my DH and I are British. Surrogacy is allowed here, but dont have close friends or relatives to help us. Were afraid to deal with strangers. We decided to try our luck in Ukraine cause we were able to find surrogate with the help of fertility clinic there. According to Ukrainian laws, the intended parents are considered to be the biological parents of the baby. We got interested in one Ukrainian clinic and visited it last month. The clinic was praised very much on various fertility forums, but in fact there were loads of things we didnt like about it. Its a tiny, overcrowded clinic with rude and unfriendly staff. They do have loads of patients, but I cant understand why these people choose this clinic not the other one!!! I didnt like how the doctor and the manager of the program communicated with us. Of course, they werent rude, but they talked very formally It looked like we were drawing their attention from something more important! I think infertile couples should be treated more friendly. Now I continue looking for an appropriate clinic. There are loads of Russian and other Ukrainian clinics with very affordable prices. But I just want to meet people who have already contacted Russian and Ukrainian clinics. How did you choose your clinics? Is overcrowded clinic hall a good or bad sign??? If the clinics staff is unfriendly, what does it mean??? Should a clinic with a bad patients receiving be trusted???

  • #2
    Part of that is just cultural differences my dear. I have a pretty fair amount of exposure to Eastern Europeans, and many are just blunt, straight forward, outspoken and have little "flair" in their demeanor. Not all, but many. I also know the facilities there may seem inadequate, by Western standards. I was at a hospital there, and it was shocking to me what was procedural for them.<br />
    Doesn't mean it is bad necessarily, but not anything we are expecting.<br />
    I love Ukraine, and the beautiful people there are mostly kind and honest. There are also many shady people who are not looking to help anyone else.<br />
    <br />
    I don't have any feedback regarding surrogacy specifically. I do wish you well.

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    • #3
      I do think ats is right that some of it is cultural.

      I think you have to decide what is most important to you on this journey. I can totally understand wanting a personal/intimate and positive experience. This is a HUGE life decision and could be extremely painful and stressful if done the wrong way.

      I have no experience with surrogacy. Hopefully someone else will.

      Also, I'm sure you have considered it, but given that you do already have a biological child don't rule out the option of adoption. There are so many babies who need mommas and daddy's.
      "Be what you're looking for."

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      • #4
        Hi, CandyM2! Really sorry for you having such a bad diabetes. I quite understand how difficult is to find a good fertility clinic. Especially, if you want them to a find a surrogate fro you. I would advise you to pay attention to the way the clinic treats surrogates. If the surrogate gets all necessary things, she will feel ok during her pregnancy. I think it’s the main criteria of choosing the clinic.

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        • #5
          I recommend you looking at probirka ru, the biggest fertility and infertility community. I am sure you would find lots of useful info and reviews. Good luck

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          • #6
            The thing is that we really did our homework before we decided to visit them. We visited quite a lot of fertility forums where we found some feedbacks about this clinic. Most of them were really favorable ones. We also read a contract we’re to sign up with them. According to this contract, the clinic will find us a woman who agrees to carry and give birth to our child. The clinic’s representatives will provide this woman all necessary things during her pregnancy. She’ll get monthly a certain sum of money to pay her living expenses. The clinic will provide her with all necessary medications. All the delivery expenses will also be paid by the clinic. The clinic will pay a surro mum a money compensation in case of abortion or premature delivery after the 12th week of pregnancy. Here is how the clinic is going to treat a surrogate. What do you think about it?

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            • #7
              The contract with the surrogate mother sounds good, but I don't have the fine details. Maybe you should have a separate contact with her by a representative (maybe a lawyer) to make sure she is getting what is spelled out in the contract and she is following the requirements of the contract (such as health requirements).
              I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
              ...
              Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

              From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

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              • #8
                Hi, Jns. Thanks for your comment! Actually, we are to sign up several contracts: the first one will be signed between us (as the intended parents) and the clinic’s representatives. The second one will be signed between us (the intended parents) and the woman who will agree to become a surro mum for our baby. The clinic’s representatives told us that the surrogate will visit the clinic monthly. She’ll have to do an ultrasound check and the results (photos and reports) will be sent to our email once a moth. She’ll also do an alcohol, drugs and smoke test to reveal whether she smokes, drinks alcohol or takes drugs. Finally, the clinic’s representatives will visit her place of residence personally or call her regularly to check if everything is ok.

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                • #9
                  Sounds good. Good luck on having the healthiest baby possible. It sounds like the surrogate mother will be a real blessing to you.
                  I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                  ...
                  Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                  From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Hi! We’ve also got interested in finding a Ukrainian surrogate. However, we still hesitate whether it’s worth going there or not. We’ve googled some information about this country. It seems ok, but it’s at war now. So is safe to go there now? Is Kiev a cheap city? Can we find a decent accommodation for a reasonable price there?

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                    • #11
                      Hi, Plumwoman. Though Ukraine has great problems nowadays, we liked this country very much. Kiev turned to be a peaceful place. The clinic supplied us with a comfortable accommodation not far from the city center. They also provided us with free meals and transportation services. It was so handy. All in all, Kiev is a cheap city. I think you’ll easily find a decent accommodation for a reasonable price there. Hun, you should also find an interpreter. It’ll be nice if he follows you everywhere.

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                      • #12
                        I think we’ll try to find a clinic with an approximate package of services. Maybe, it will be Biotexcom, who knows…However, does this clinic charge any additional fees from its clients. As far as I know, some reproductive clinics like to do this. I have a good female acquaintance. She used to cycle in Spain. They liked the initial price of the services package, but the clinic’s fertility specialist started to ask them to do loads of additional tests. These tests made their purse really empty…

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                        • #13
                          No, Biotexcom doesn’t charge any additional fees from its clients. You just sign up a contract with them. According to this contract, you have to pay a fixed sum. It means all the things you have to pay for are enumerated in the contract. You just read the contract and decided whether to sign it up or not. As we are going to book a surrogacy program, our payment will be divided into several installments. It’s sooo handy!!! We will make the payments either in cash or via a bank transfer.

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                          • #14
                            As far as I know, Ukraine has very favorable surrogacy laws. The intended parents are considered to be true parents of the baby. It means a surrogate doesn’t need to reject her rights for the baby. I think it’s really cool. In many countries, a surrogate is considered to be a biological mum of the baby, so you need to get her consent to adopt the baby. These were the main reasons why we’ve chosen Ukraine. Frankly speaking, I’m pleasantly surprised by the things you’ve told me about this fertility clinic. I didn’t expect them to offer such a good package of

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                            • #15
                              Yes, this was the main reason why we’ve got interested in them. Of course, there are some things we really disliked about them. The fact that they made us wait in the queue made us hesitate whether to contact them or not. However, we couldn’t find the best variant yet. Of course, there are some clinics with similar services, but, unfortunately, price really matters to us. In addition, we liked the fact that they would take a good care of the surrogate. We want to give them a second chance.

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