sarahmay

Nearly 4 years ago now, I had a boyfriend who was very... inexperienced in terms of talking to women. He was a lovely, trustworthy, incredibly loyal, and brutually honest person. We started off really nicely. We both felt too young for sex, so we kept that out of the question, and just enjoyed a nice companionship for about 4 months. Then, as we grew closer, he began confessing things to me. He began telling me how much he liked big breasts. Now my breasts at the time were only about a size B or C cup, which isn't nothing, but certainly not huge (they're now D or DD), but he just didn't seem to think very much of them at all.

He said things to me like, "Its a shame that I can look at your friends (all my friends were much more developed than I was at the time), but I can't look at you" and "I know I can't do anything about your size.. I mean, I would if I could, but I can't. So I just have to deal with it." And when I apologised for my breasts not being big enough, he actually said, "That's okay. I suppose its not your fault. Boob jobs are pretty expensive."

He was a very ignorant, tactless kind of guy, which made his comments even more hurtful; because he didn't mean to be nasty, he was just telling the truth.

I hit the lowest self-esteem point I've ever been at. I'd cry every single night. I hated myself, apologised to him profusely for all my flaws, and thought that this was all my fault. I never told anyone, because I felt too ashamed of myself. Everything that people said to me sounded critical to my ears. This continued for an entire year.

Finally, I spoke to one of my best friends about it. He was shocked and horrified and actually threatened my boyfriend. He explained to me I'd done nothing wrong whatsoever. I dumped my boyfriend and was single for about 8 months, and throughout that 8 months, my best friend complimented me alot and slowly healed the wounds. He is actually the man I'm with now, and I've never been happier. He's everything I could ever want in a man, and I love him more than anything else in the world. He loves my breasts and always tells me how great they are. He really makes me feel beautiful.

But lately, the comments my ex made have been creeping back into my head. I've gained a couple of kg in the past few months due to going on the pill, and while my breasts have gotten bigger, I still feel this horrible sensation in the pit of my stomach every time I look in the mirror. I know its got nothing to do with my boyfriend. I feel completely comfortable when I'm around him. But when I'm not, I always feel self-conscious. I'll be around my girl friends, all of whom I think should be models, and I just feel like a dead leaf lying on the ground gazing up at them. They're not nasty to me and they do compliment me, but things like, "Sarah's only a size 8 because she's got no boobs", or "Gosh Sarah, I don't know why you bother going to the gym. I don't think it really does that much..." or once when I was lying down on my bed and my ribs stuck out because I was lying a certain way, my friend said, "Haha, look Sarah, your ribs look like a second pair of breasts! I guess they make up for the first pair!"

Is it just me or does this all sound kind've... rude? Am I just surrounded my ignorant people? All I know is I can feel myself starting to sink into that low self-esteem mode again and I really don't want to.

Any suggestions how I can boost it back up?

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Love the life you've been given; it's the only one you'll ever get.

WildChild

Sounds like your "freinds" are either completely thoughtless or some rather nasty bits of goods. Those kinds of comments are hurtful and if they don't know it, they are oblivious. Boobs are fatty protrubrances. They have nothing to do with who you are - unless you create that.

Being surrounded by superficial, clueless people doesn't do you much good. They are probably jealous because you are slender and have a caring BF. Very likely. being superficial they look at your happy relationship and think, well I have bigger boobs, why did she get him? They don't realise it's who you are, not how much fat you have on your chest. There isn't much you can do about their problems (mainly their thinking) but you could get out and meet some better quality people and make some new freinds. Ones who actually think? Instead of taking their programming from MTV shows?

gina13

WOW,,, dont you feel bad about anything,, your friends are no good,, they shouldnt b sayyin anything bad to you,, and as far as that first boyfriend,, he was REALLY REALLY stupid for saying that to you,, do you know how many men say that they like B's and C's ,, it doesnt always have to be size D's or larger for a man to love your breasts,, he was a stupid person for saying that,, and to say its a shame that he cant change you,, NO!! no one should say that to you ever,, you shouldnt have to wanna change anything about urself for anyone,, love what your body looks like,, and if you think their is sumthing you want to look different then you do it for YOU,, not for anyone else,, men can b so rediculous and immature,, and he was very immature,, and im glad you are with that man that threatened that other guy,, bc he sounds like he has intelligence to know there is nothing wrong with have B or C,, thats not what iking sumone is about anyway,, its not just looks its about the other persons personality,, so many ppl,, just look at sumones body and say oh he isnt tone enough,, oh he isnt thick enough,, she is not thin enough,, its crazy,, u just have to accept ppl for who they are,, and if you love their personality,, then nothing else should matter,, not sumthing stupid,, like the size of your breasts,, and as far as your friends go ,, they are very rude,, you seem to b a nice woman,, I would suggest if they are giving you comments like those,, then wen u see a flaw in them,, and trust me everyone has a flaw,, no one is perfect,, point it out to them,, and tease them about it,, see how much they like it,,, but nvm them,, lol,, you have a friend here dont worry bout those girls,, and dont worry bout ur ex ,, bc he wasnt good enough for you,, your new bf on the other hand sounds like a nice man hope you feel better,, just remember everyone has flaws,, EVERYONE no one is perfect,, even professional models,, thats why everything is airbrushed

Tina Lee

Geez, only a person who is not happy with themselves, would insult another person..

You need to dump those self-absorbed people. There is more to life than just big breasts. Really, how far would those girls go to have a perfect body?

Anyway, to counter act those bad feelings, I want you to look in the mirror, and say, " My breasts are beautiful, and I am beautiful on the inside, and out." You may not feel like it in the begining, but you have to do this once every day. It'll get easier in time.

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"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."

Hopeless Dork

I am so glad you got rid of that first guy... 1. He is a complete moron... lol, good grief - he is headed for a life of dissapointments with that kind of mentality and I don't feel one bit of sympathy. Do NOT let him or your catty (and obviously jealous) friends dictate how you feel about you, or influence what you think your boyfriend thinks of you.

Your friends are JEALOUS... I don't know why as you didn't tell us more about you, but they are. Fact is, girls only say junk like that to girls they secretly envy. If they didn't envy you at all they'd feel no need to try to sink your feelings like that.

Dump them, every last one of them. I know its hard but they saying 'with friends like that who needs enemies' has never been so applicable than it is right here. Its time to open yourself up to making some more secure friends, ones that won't try to kick you in the guts in order to make themselves feel pretty... they are out there.

In the meantime, do NOT worry about your breasts. Focus on the things about your body/face/hair/clothes/attitude/etc that make YOU feel sexy. Think about all the sweet things your guy says to you about you , things about your insides as well as outsides. Love who you are enough to not let anyone be mean to you.

If a friend of yours sat down and told you everything you told us, what advice would you give her? Would you think she doesn't deserve that kind of treatment? Treat yourself as kindly and with the same respect you would give that friend and expect her to get.

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Defintion of Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." - Albert Einstein