Is it normal to have a low sex drive when you're sick?

moonstruck_chick · 07-30-2009, 05:13 PM

Last night, the guy im seeing came over for a chill night, and I had virtually no sex drive. Weve been seeing eachother for a couple weeks, slept together a few times, but last night it was like there was no sexual chemistry or even very much intimacy.

It was weird....because weve been very intimate before.
I have a sore throat and a bit of a cold, could this be why? Or could it be that its not meant to be and weve used up all our intimacy and its time to move on?
I wasnt that sick, just enough to be uncomfortable, also, there is a heat wave and i was really uncomfortably hot...thoughts?

**dr.mansview** · 07-30-2009, 05:44 PM

it seems obvious to me what the problem is, but then again i admit to being old fashioned..you jumped into bed with each other for 2 weeks and now you're wondering why has it fizzled out..there was no intimacy last nite..well intimacy isn't just sex..some view intimacy as getting to know your partner..find out his likes and dislikes..what food he likes, what interests he has..dating is a marathon..you get to know someone for a period of time..it may or may not eventually lead to sex depending on how you connect with that person..with the next bf try it the old fashioned way..get to know each other first..this ritual has been around for thousands of years..there's gotta be something to it..

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 07-30-2009, 05:44 PM

That's a hard call...

I would think if you have only seen him for two weeks, the chemistry should still be very high, sick, hot, wouldn't matter, you kind of take one look at those eyes and your body goes off again...

You have to ask yourself if each time you have slept with him the earth moved a little or if it was just "good sex"...

Sex is sex and if there's no real connection time isn't a factor as to when we lose it.

CW

moonstruck_chick · 07-31-2009, 02:23 AM

Those were both really interesting and helpful replies. I think it might be that weve spent too much time alone at my house, instead of going out and doing things more often and being around other people like our friends. Also i think it might be because i went on the pill recently and it has decreased my sex drive...that in the combination of being sick and uncomfortable...and then adding just fluke to it. Or maybe it wont work out.
I guess its bugging me because if youre starting to seriously date a guy, it should be fireworks in the bedroom shouldnt it?
How much can you work on sex?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 07-31-2009, 02:35 AM

Before I answer that, how was he?

Did he have a sex drive?

What were the plans made before he came over, you say chill night so DVD, dinner?

You suggest that over this two weeks all that has occured, is sex ,more sex, and couches....

No dates...

CW

moonstruck_chick · 07-31-2009, 03:21 AM

he aaalways has a sex drive..
last night we went to the fireworks at the beach near my house, walked home, had some chicken noodle soup because i was sick, and then went to bed.
What i meant by we had intimacy other nights is that when we hung out in bed together, we talked more and it was more romantic and there was much chemistry and closeness between us. More connection.
Last night i just wasnt feeling it as much. But that seems odd that it would just disappear if it happened already? maybe Im reading too much into the whole thing, maybe it was a fluke...?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 07-31-2009, 03:31 AM

k...

This is what i think you should do....

GET OUT lol...

You haven't dated, he comes over, he stays with you, the chemistry is hot and so you as "alot of women" "alot" use that chemistry as attachment, emotional, he's my boyfriend, whereas a guy sees it as sex... UNTIL, he gets to know the person, sees her beauty inside and out.

If he's not willing to take you for dinner, be introduced to 1 friend, then he's only seeing sex.

Don't hate me, that's the facts.

CW

**Hopeless Dork** · 07-31-2009, 09:23 AM

Two weeks is not enough time for things to fizzle if they were ever really sizzling in the first place. Was he still making your heart go pitter patter and were you still excited by his presense non-sexually?

Not every single sexual encounter even with someone you have crazy good chemistry with is going to be rockets launching earth moving. If you were physically uncomfy (you said you were hot and ill) that could explain your lack of a physical response, but if you have feelings for him ... I don't think the sniffles would have made you dis-interested in his company etc.

Also, if you got chicken soup - he was aware you were sick.. maybe he was trying to let you rest and therefore not putting his all into everything there. I wouldn't read too much into anything as far as one slow night in the bedroom has to go.

But if the other thing CW is talking about is the case, if its a purely sexual based relationship... do somethings to change that dynamic. If you find that as soon as your home all you do is the sex thing then you guys part ways, do some activities outside of the home more often so that you can work on communicating and learning about each other too... on top of the fun stuff

**OG612** · 08-01-2009, 12:42 AM

Illness, even as something as mundane and boring as the common cold, can decrease your sex drive. So can hormone therapy (aka birth control pills).

But now you're putting this negative energy out there (worrying) that this relationship was just a fluke. The more you fret and worry the quicker he'll be gone for good.

If the weather's nice in your area, get outside. The fresh air will help. Also, turn off your AC and open your windows. Ventilating your house will help clear out what you've been hacking in to the environment and speed up the recovery process.

I've got some amazing visualization techniques you can use to help speed up the recovery process.

As soon as you get over this cold your sex drive should return and it'll be all good. Until now, put this worry out of your mind and just have fun!

OG

07-30-2009, 05:13 PM	#1
moonstruck_chick Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: vancouver, bc, canada Posts: 11	Is it normal to have a low sex drive when you're sick? Last night, the guy im seeing came over for a chill night, and I had virtually no sex drive. Weve been seeing eachother for a couple weeks, slept together a few times, but last night it was like there was no sexual chemistry or even very much intimacy. It was weird....because weve been very intimate before. I have a sore throat and a bit of a cold, could this be why? Or could it be that its not meant to be and weve used up all our intimacy and its time to move on? I wasnt that sick, just enough to be uncomfortable, also, there is a heat wave and i was really uncomfortably hot...thoughts?

07-30-2009, 05:44 PM	#2
dr.mansview Veteran Member (800+ posts & member 1 year+) Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: canada Posts: 1,061	it seems obvious to me what the problem is, but then again i admit to being old fashioned..you jumped into bed with each other for 2 weeks and now you're wondering why has it fizzled out..there was no intimacy last nite..well intimacy isn't just sex..some view intimacy as getting to know your partner..find out his likes and dislikes..what food he likes, what interests he has..dating is a marathon..you get to know someone for a period of time..it may or may not eventually lead to sex depending on how you connect with that person..with the next bf try it the old fashioned way..get to know each other first..this ritual has been around for thousands of years..there's gotta be something to it.. __________________ a smart man learns from his mistakes..a wise man learns from the mistakes of others..

07-30-2009, 05:44 PM	#3
CHANDLERS WISH WH Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 9,927 Blog Entries: 7	That's a hard call... I would think if you have only seen him for two weeks, the chemistry should still be very high, sick, hot, wouldn't matter, you kind of take one look at those eyes and your body goes off again... You have to ask yourself if each time you have slept with him the earth moved a little or if it was just "good sex"... Sex is sex and if there's no real connection time isn't a factor as to when we lose it. CW __________________ Do we not realise that in order to find a soul It doesn't happen over night if truth were to be told Like everything in life that's hard to achieve you must believe! Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

07-31-2009, 02:35 AM	#5
CHANDLERS WISH WH Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 9,927 Blog Entries: 7	Before I answer that, how was he? Did he have a sex drive? What were the plans made before he came over, you say chill night so DVD, dinner? You suggest that over this two weeks all that has occured, is sex ,more sex, and couches.... No dates... CW __________________ Do we not realise that in order to find a soul It doesn't happen over night if truth were to be told Like everything in life that's hard to achieve you must believe! Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

07-31-2009, 03:31 AM	#7
CHANDLERS WISH WH Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 9,927 Blog Entries: 7	k... This is what i think you should do.... GET OUT lol... You haven't dated, he comes over, he stays with you, the chemistry is hot and so you as "alot of women" "alot" use that chemistry as attachment, emotional, he's my boyfriend, whereas a guy sees it as sex... UNTIL, he gets to know the person, sees her beauty inside and out. If he's not willing to take you for dinner, be introduced to 1 friend, then he's only seeing sex. Don't hate me, that's the facts. CW __________________ Do we not realise that in order to find a soul It doesn't happen over night if truth were to be told Like everything in life that's hard to achieve you must believe! Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

07-31-2009, 02:23 AM	#4
moonstruck_chick Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: vancouver, bc, canada Posts: 11	Those were both really interesting and helpful replies. I think it might be that weve spent too much time alone at my house, instead of going out and doing things more often and being around other people like our friends. Also i think it might be because i went on the pill recently and it has decreased my sex drive...that in the combination of being sick and uncomfortable...and then adding just fluke to it. Or maybe it wont work out. I guess its bugging me because if youre starting to seriously date a guy, it should be fireworks in the bedroom shouldnt it? How much can you work on sex?

07-31-2009, 03:21 AM	#6
moonstruck_chick Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: vancouver, bc, canada Posts: 11	he aaalways has a sex drive.. last night we went to the fireworks at the beach near my house, walked home, had some chicken noodle soup because i was sick, and then went to bed. What i meant by we had intimacy other nights is that when we hung out in bed together, we talked more and it was more romantic and there was much chemistry and closeness between us. More connection. Last night i just wasnt feeling it as much. But that seems odd that it would just disappear if it happened already? maybe Im reading too much into the whole thing, maybe it was a fluke...?

07-31-2009, 09:23 AM	#8
Hopeless Dork Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: United States Posts: 1,236	Two weeks is not enough time for things to fizzle if they were ever really sizzling in the first place. Was he still making your heart go pitter patter and were you still excited by his presense non-sexually? Not every single sexual encounter even with someone you have crazy good chemistry with is going to be rockets launching earth moving. If you were physically uncomfy (you said you were hot and ill) that could explain your lack of a physical response, but if you have feelings for him ... I don't think the sniffles would have made you dis-interested in his company etc. Also, if you got chicken soup - he was aware you were sick.. maybe he was trying to let you rest and therefore not putting his all into everything there. I wouldn't read too much into anything as far as one slow night in the bedroom has to go. But if the other thing CW is talking about is the case, if its a purely sexual based relationship... do somethings to change that dynamic. If you find that as soon as your home all you do is the sex thing then you guys part ways, do some activities outside of the home more often so that you can work on communicating and learning about each other too... on top of the fun stuff __________________ ------------- Defintion of Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." - Albert Einstein

08-01-2009, 12:42 AM	#9
OG612 Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Twin Cities, MN Posts: 306	Illness, even as something as mundane and boring as the common cold, can decrease your sex drive. So can hormone therapy (aka birth control pills). But now you're putting this negative energy out there (worrying) that this relationship was just a fluke. The more you fret and worry the quicker he'll be gone for good. If the weather's nice in your area, get outside. The fresh air will help. Also, turn off your AC and open your windows. Ventilating your house will help clear out what you've been hacking in to the environment and speed up the recovery process. I've got some amazing visualization techniques you can use to help speed up the recovery process. As soon as you get over this cold your sex drive should return and it'll be all good. Until now, put this worry out of your mind and just have fun! OG __________________ Through hypnosis, I create confident men and women to succeed in all facets of their lives. This place will soon get very interesting

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