I honestly don't know what an ENT is, but I really can't afford anything, and my parents are "tired of running me to the doctor". I can't go anywhere without asking them, and they are sick of hearing me "complain all the time."
If migraines are triggered by anything, it's either my jaw problem, or the dust/mess in my room, or the fact that they've been doing construction on the expressway behind my house. I've never had allergies before, so I don't understand how they would just suddenly show up, and if they did, I don't know what I'd be allergic to anyway.
I am on my period, so that may explain the migraine as well.
I sit in front of my computer most of the day, and sometimes I catch myself clenching my jaw. I have been putting myself under a lot of mental stress since June 13 (I checked my journal), mostly because of fears over my health (I went to the ER for severe stomach pain, turned out it was just constipation, . My mother says it's a subconsious attempt to resist being an adult (since I just turned 21), but I think she's just trying to get me angry enough with her that I'll forget the pain. And my doctor says it's normal to get worried over your health once you get into your early 20's. I suppose I may have brought all of this on myself, and now I'm just going to have to live with it.
I started feeling jaw pain on the 13th of June, and was making note of the symptoms, and they're all similar to what I'm feeling now (but I thought it was going to be shingles). I went to the hospital on June 16th for the constipation (that I was almost SURE was appendicitis), and on June 29 I started freaking out about aneurysms because my neck got stiff. July 18th was the last time I journaled, and I talked about how my boyfriend said it was probably how I was sleeping, since I had been sleeping only on my right side since all the fears of aneurysms started on the 29th. I'd go to bed afraid to even move, and I'd wake up in exactly the same position.
I swear I just posted a quick reply...Doesn't show up. I'll repost.
I honestly don't know what an ENT is, but I really cannot afford any medical treatment until I go back to school (the Health Center is relatively useless though, and any symptom to them is a sign that they need to give you a pregnancy test). Besides that, my parents are "tired of running me to the doctor for nothing" and that they "can't afford such a sick kid."
I've been noticing symptoms since June 13th when I was told at an Urgent Care Clinic that I may have been developing shingles of all things (the symptoms then were similar to what I have now), which may have helped trigger my hypochondria. I went to the hospital on the 16th, and it turned out to be constipation, even though I was almost convinced that it was appendicitis. I got afraid of aneurysms on the 29th, and I've been scared of them ever since. It doesn't help that there were so many highly-publicized deaths this summer. On the 18th, my boyfriend told me that the neck pain was from sleeping on my right side for the previous 3 weeks, and I thought he was right, since I would sleep on the right and be too scared to move and wake up in the same position I fell asleep in.
On top of the mental stress I've been going through, I'm on my period now (and every week before my period, my fears skyrocket tenfold). I don't have a job, or anything to do, so I sit in front of the computer from 9 or 10 in the morning to as late as 4 in the evening, when Daddy gets home. I rarely take breaks, and sometimes I catch myself with my jaw really tightly closed. This I KNOW is the source of my eye problems (eyestrain), so I don't worry about THAT as much, but my jaw is really distracting.
An ENT is a nose, ear and throat specialist, don't discount something because you have heard of it or don't know about it. I understand the financial concerns, I am uninsured too. Shingles are distinctive since they only affect one side of the body at a time - it's like a line drawn straight down.
Why are you so afraid? How does that serve you?
I'm afraid of being sick because I'm afraid of dying. I lost my grandparents at 15, and I had suicidal thoughts for a year, and I kept thinking that I was sick. They were very important to me, and I lost them so fast that I didn't know what to do. It went away eventually, and I don't remember it being this bad until this past Spring when I got really sick to the point of throwing up. I thought I wasn't going to stop, and I didn't eat for four days afterwards because I didn't want to get sick again.
I have a wonderful boyfriend that I can picture myself spending the rest of my life with, but I'm always afraid that something will go wrong and I'll lose him. I'm always scared of being happy, because I'm afraid that something will go wrong.
I get so scared sometimes that my stomach turns and I shake all over and cry, and my parents aren't helpful at all. They just call me an idiot and that it's all in my head and that I need to grow up. I have no friends nearby in the Summer because they all live far enough away that they can't visit, save for my boyfriend and one other girl who's always busy.
I'm crying right now because I hate expressing my fears. Typing them only makes me feel crazier and more out of control. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm tired of being afraid of sickness and death, but it's such an inevitable thing, and I don't want to die before I've done what I want to do with my life.
I also get stabbing pains in my temple, sometimes around the time of my period. (In fact, I am having them right now and it's why I stumbled across this old post.) I think that they're probably just period-related migraines.
As for your hypochondria and obsessive worrying about your health and the safety of others, I can relate to that, too. I struggle with both of these issues. I have generalized anxiety disorder and a bit of OCD, and I think you may have something like this, too. Right now, I'm trying to control it without medication, and I'm definitely functional, but at some point in the future I may go back on medication. I was on Lexapro, an anti-anxiety medication for a while, and I noticed that when I was taking it, I worried a lot less and was just generally more relaxed and happy. That's just something to think about that may help you enjoy a more happy life where you can embrace the moment and let go of many of your worries.