20 year old needs advice please :(

**Desperate4help&advice20** · 11-13-2009 09:35 AM

ok my mom is concerned for my health becouse i am so overweight its causing problems between me and her she wants me to have surgery i would rather go on a diet and try that first but she does not want me to do to my past behavior durning these past diets i broke my ankle months ago and i was out comission i was in the hostpital and had to have surgery on my ankle from falling and breaking after being the hospital atempting to recover from the break i couldent put any weight on the foot due to the ankle so it could heal then then the docters decided to let have a hospital bed in my home i was off my feet for awhile and my mom was giving me dinners in my room while i was off my feet since i was off my feet i shed a great deal of pounds off me i was starting to look great! i could see the weight coming off in photos of myself i was doing amazing! as soon as my ankle was healed and i was able walk again and of course get to the fridge and cupboards i was staring to eat like i used to before i broke my ankle little by little i started gaining the weight back now i,m back to the size i was i,m just blown right up again i love my mom very much and she loves but this hurting are relashionship as mother and daughter she wants me to get my own appartment and move out becouse of this its very stressful for her to handle my weight problems and she also worried for my life and future health i need advice now before i have lose my home and my family i dont the surgery becouse i,m soo afriad something will go wrong and i,ll die from it or die durning the surgery do a complacation of any kind i know that i can die from my weight also i,m worried for both of those things could happen to me i know its rare for surgery complacations or death but i,m still afraid for my life any advice anyone? i could sure use it! Thanks Christine

**KMonte85** · 11-13-2009 09:52 AM

Ok Christine - #1. Calm down and BREATHE girl!

Personally, I think you are on a better path with trying to do it on your own first, instead of seeking medical procedures. Because it sounds like you are able to lose the weight naturally, you just need to start changing your lifestyle and habits.

Surgery itself only works for a little while if the person does not change their eating and exercise habits. All it does is restricts the amount of food a person can put in their stomach at one time, drastically reducing caloric intake. But after a while, the stomach can start stretching out again, and a person can eat more and more and can take in more and more calories until they are right back to where they started.

The change needs to come from yourself, not a band or a few staples in your gut.

I would suggest taking the money that would have been spent on surgery and set yourself up with a specialist (nutritionist, personal trainer, etc) who will help you to make healthy life choices, and give you strategies to overcome your habits of over eating and eating the wrong kinds of foods. They will also work with you to develop a great workout regime that is tailored to your abilities.

Start with your regular doctor and discuss if he or she could refer you to any specialists in your area.

And good luck! It sounds like you are ready to make a big change that will benefit you and improve your quality of life! That is a hard choice to make, you should be very proud!

**Beautiful Disaster** · 11-13-2009 10:57 AM

Excellent advice from KMonte. Having the surgery not only means big risks, but also means HAVE to change lifestyle or will live with constant complications.

First, are you an emotional eater? The more upset you get the more you eat? Or you eat lots regardless? You must find a different way to channel the emotions other than eating.

As previously said, spend your time and money now on seeing a nutrionalist, dietician, personal trainer. Get yourself on the right track, see how much you can lose on your own! I think you'll be pleasantly surprised!

Obesity is a disease......just as alcoholism is a disease. Understand that your mother loves you, hates seeing you suffer, and hates seeing you hurt yourself. But she feels helpless....and probably feels that she is being forced to sit there and watch you in a sense destroy yourself. And yes, that will cause a strain on your relationship.

I'm sure nothing would make her happier (and you happier too!) to start out being proactive, show her you're going to get out there and do this for yourself WITHOUT surgery.

YOU CAN DO IT. You can. And every time you think you can't.......say it out loud "I CAN DO THIS...and I WILL.....NOTHING WILL STOP ME!".

**ItsASecret** · 11-13-2009 11:34 AM

You could get started simply by asking your mother to stand by you through this, and instead of having Doritos on the grocery list you can spend the same amount of money on a bag of carrots type thing. If the 'bad' food is not in the household to begin with there is less to worry about.

**CrystalChord** · 11-13-2009 04:18 PM

However, it might also be the amount that you eat as well. I have this problem a lot. I'll get a bag of Doritos (Keeping with ItsASecrets example), but instead of reading the serving size and just eating that, I'll just say forget it and toss the whole bag down my gullet. You have to control your portions as well. A single serving of meat should be the same size and thickness of your palm. Vegetable and fruits are usually a half cup (I think). There is a website I used to go to--and should go to again--that helps you keep track of what you've eaten and gives you the number of calories, sodium, carbs, etc. that you personally need to eat in a day, the minimum in order to start losing weight.

And don't expect to lose five, ten pounds in a week. That is very unhealthy. What you can expect is a half pound, to maybe two pounds of loss a week. Excersizing is also good for you; eating right can only get you so far. Try just walking for an hour, playing DDR on excersize mode, yoga. I used to love doing Tae-Bo, personally.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-13-2009 05:12 PM

Remind your Mother that when you were bedridden and she fed you, you lost alot of weight.

Remind your Mother, that once you were able to get to the cupboards/fridge, you stacked it all back on again.

So, remind your Mother, as your Mother and "friend", you'd actually like to try it a little bit differently, not "your way" as you are aware that won't work and understand her frustration but "your way together", as it was when you were bid ridden.

No junk food in the house, and together, planning meals that will be good for you to lose weight yet still good for you as well, as you would love to try a plan with her, not one or the other, surgery or yourself having to try.

See, if the "togetherness" assists you in convincing her, why not... okay....let's give it a go.

Seems to me that the food is in your house, so she's not helping there.

CW

**ItsASecret** · 11-13-2009 05:34 PM

I have this problem a lot. I'll get a bag of Doritos (Keeping with ItsASecrets example), but instead of reading the serving size and just eating that, I'll just say forget it and toss the whole bag down my gullet. You have to control your portions as well. A single serving of meat should be the same size and thickness of your palm. Vegetable and fruits are usually a half cup (I think). There is a website I used to go to--and should go to again--that helps you keep track of what you've eaten and gives you the number of calories, sodium, carbs, etc. that you personally need to eat in a day, the minimum in order to start losing weight.

Lol that is one thing that ticks me off sooooo much when it comes to nutrition. I am for the most part more inclined to eat right and healthier (raised that way) but I will still certainly dive bomb into a bag of sour cream and onion ruffles chips...but when they say "oh you will be totally fine with 4 baby carrots, 1/4 cup of plain sticky rice, and 1/2 a chicken drumstick as your main course" I will just shake my head and say no. I personally need more food to live, I do not know about everyone else. If I am eating a package of oatmeal in the morning, 1/2 cup of nut medly on the bus ride home, celery sticks when I get home, I will be asking for 'real meal' when dinner rolls around. Even that meal is kept healthy with zero frozen or fried foods. But it is sure not a nutritionists 1/2 kid's plate of food. If I were trying to lose weight the portion control would be my biggest problem. It is hard for me to say yeah I will take the steak that is 4 oz instead of 8 or have this plain brown rice over this better tasting Uncle Ben's version of parmesan & butter flavor. So many good tasting things around that are still very healthy but 1/4 cup? Come on. Measure that stuff out and see if that will remotely fill your stomach. lol

**CrystalChord** · 11-13-2009 05:59 PM

I'm with you on that, ItsASecret. The problem is that your stomach stretches, so if you're used to a lot of food, normal servings will not fill you up; you have to train your stomach, and yourself, to get used to smaller servings.

I found the site that I used. It helped me a lot, and I was able to lose a lot of weight by just tracking everything I ate. I really should start up again. I recently just binged on nearly a whole loaf of wheat bread within two days. >.>

(edited)
The site is free to register to, like here, and it's a great way of keeping track of your progress.

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