I'm unsure of my Wifes health...

**Mrpuggy** · 04-16-2010 05:22 AM

Hi there,

A link to a thread I found several weeks back has brought me here, I was tempted to post in that section, but thought it may be wrong.

I'm looking for some help and advice from a Woman's point of view/perspective.

I thought I'd give some background first then see what you may think?

I'm a married man- 32- with 3 kids. My Wife and I have been married just over 6 years but been together 10/11 years.

We still have a little one in the room with us (he's 2 now) and will be moving into another room shortly.

3 years ago I was diagnosed with RA (Rheumatoid Arthritis) and I'm on fairly strong medication for it. I can no longer work, but am trying very hard to get a business running from home.

We've always been very affectionate toward one another, we have had ups and downs- don't we all... But we very rarely argue, we are in tune.

She is the light of my life and I worship the ground she walks on.
We are very passionate and our marriage and relationship is the envy of many of our friends. We're two peas in a pod!

Something is concerning me though, scaring me to be honest.

When we are in bed, my Wife wakes me up quite often- on purpose.
It's deliberate.
She's been doing this off and on for years, but I TRY to live with it.

Recently, she's started to wake me masturbating.
I feel a bit uncomfortable talking like this, but I need some advice.....

She wakes me every night with the shaking and that. Initially I found it quite sexy, yes, I got aroused by it.
After approaching my wife several times through the nights- being aroused, and her turning me away and pretending to sleep, I approached her about it.

I know it's difficult, and an embarrassing subject to approach (we are both very broad minded though) anyway, she responded quite defensively- understandable.

So I asked her, if she's satisfied with me in bed and that is she happy sexually, but more importantly, is she happy at home and with me?
Am I doing enough for her, esp around the house and with any other things that need doing...

She said yes- but this keeps happening.

What's more concerning is that this has been going on for ages, she is waking me by tapping the bed frame, or by poking me, I've caught her with her head very closely to mine and she will scratch her head erratically just to wake me.. As I'm coming out of sleep, I can hear it all very clearly.

As soon as I AM awake, she stops it.

I know that she knows when I am awake, as I have a broken nose, so I find it very difficult to breathe at night- so my breathing pattern changes.

I don't know what to do.

She is playing mind games with me at night, has done for a while, but I love her so much I have put up with it.

But now, she's doing that at night aswell, then denying it and at times, refusing me.. even though I can be very romantic...

We don't want for much, we have a nice home, have lovely kids, we're full of love to each other (well...)

I just don't know what to do.

I feel Like I want to leave, after all she will wake me 4+ times a night, either by making noises- smacking the bed, bedside cabinet, or through satisfying herself and or both.

I feel like leaving, but she's my wife, I have my children..... this is really hurting me.

Every time I've approached her about the tapping noises etc and deliberately waking me, she turns very cold and nasty to me.

I feel so very hurt by all of it.

I can manage without my Wife, run the house- sort the kids- keep up on washing/ironing (as best as I can anyway- when I'm well)

But I can't live without her.
She's my wife, she's beautiful and I love her dearly. I just cannot continue like this.

I can't see a way out of anything right now. I can't turn to friends or family, hence me posting here.

I know it's a very long post, I apologise for this.

If anyone reads this and finds that something doesn't make sense, I will try and explain/elaborate further.

Any ideas anyone?

many thanks and kind regards in advance.

An upset+worried husband.

btw, the original link was this:

http://www.womens-health.com/boards/...im-asleep.html

**WildChild** · 04-16-2010 06:17 AM

Can you get her into a counselor? It may be easier to get her to talk and listen about this with a trained third party to keep her from nastying out about it.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 04-16-2010 04:11 PM

It sounds to me there is frustration and in her sleep, she can't sleep, she dreams and of that she starts the pushing, sratching and from that she masterbates upon being awake over it...

Is it a fear of your Arthritis? That this will be crippling one day and she will not get any sex at all? Maybe...

As for Arthritis, do you take fish oil? Do you walk as best as you can daily? Both of these actually help dramatically.. Never let a Doctor tell you it's that bad, and go on medication that makes you debilitated... Our brains are extremely powerful and often we can reduce anything even by 50% if we seek alternative things to try.

You talk about affection and love. But, you don't talk much about "making love".. and I know with Arthritis and strong medication, this means possibly, not much is going on in reality...

Maybe it's a two throw. Maybe, you have to concentrate on methods that can help your Arthritis as well, magnets as well are good, you can buy special pillows, underlays, for your bed, bracelets all sorts and they do relieve..

Perhaps she fears of the future, being young... and as I said, can't sleep, dreams, as isn't exactly awake when doing all of this... it's sub-conscious..

CW

**JoliAvocat** · 05-05-2010 10:15 AM

This is something you should go to a marriage counselor and discuss. Tell her you love her and ask her to go with you and help resolve the situation. It's not normal but beyond that, advice here is not enough. I wish you both well. I believe relief will be very fast if you go together and discuss it.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 05-10-2010 03:09 PM

I'm having a hard time understanding why she would purposely want to wake you throughout the night? It sounds like you love her very much.

If this is something you all haven't discussed during the daytime, perhaps when you're alone and can sit down and talk, then it's going to be hard to just say "lets go to a counselor" when your marriage is otherwise happy. If you haven't, you're going to have to sit down with her and bring this up.

Have you talked with her about this, during a nuetral time for both of you when you're alone and can really discuss it?

**Hopeless Dork** · 05-10-2010 03:26 PM

Could she be suffering from any panic or anxiety disorders? Perhaps is afraid at night and wants you awake to feel more secure?

OCD tendencies? Maybe she is not aware, or is aware and unable to stop these rituals?

Do you snore? Is it possible she wakes you so that you have to fall asleep all over again giving her a head start to re-fall back asleep before you snore again?

The waking you concerns me a lot more than the masturbation because its mencacing and actually rather cruel.

**jns** · 05-10-2010 03:35 PM

To me it sounds like she may have obsessive–compulsive disorder. Have you gone to a psychologist about these behaviors?

**Beautiful Disaster** · 05-10-2010 04:08 PM

The waking you concerns me a lot more than the masturbation because its mencacing and actually rather cruel.

I agree. It sounds like something I did as a young child like if I was in bed with my mom or something and she was trying to sleep in and I felt alone so I did things purposely to wake her. As a child is was unknowingly selfish and annoying. But as an adult..... seems like quite a different issue and does border on being cruel.

Does she have control issues? Is she the attention seeking type? There must be more to this.