VENTING! A Day in the Life of a Career Woman

**Beautiful Disaster** · 04-22-2010 04:22 PM

Let me start off by saying that I know there are women out there that do far more than I do, while having a husband, and 3 or 4 rugrats at home. KUDOS to them because I DO NOT KNOW HOW YOU DO IT!!!!!

Let me also say that I have a great life, I've been very blessed. But aside from all that, I'm a very hard worker. I feel that certain things are my daily duty, (work, exercise, cooking (I cook 3 meals a day - rather than eating out), getting exercise for my dog, trying to study for both a certification for work and my GMAT and getting in bed early enough to maintain 8 hours of sleep). Then, when the weekends come, there are these other duties that one must take care of (laundry, house cleaning, grocery shopping).

These just seem like normal duties to everyone I'm sure. But for me, I find it hard to balance all those things, plus try to have a relationship. 3 days a week, on top of what I listed above for daily duties, I spend time with him. And sometimes I feel like I just can't fit it all in....and I haven't even started my actual MBA yet.

Yesterday was a great example. First I should say that my BF is good about helping out with some things. He loves to help out. He will take my dog to the park somedays, or come over and mow my yard for me sometimes. Usually on one of the three nights we see each other during the week, he cooks (seriously, either tacos or rice and veggies. Those are his two menu items. lol) I think on months he's off during week, he should be responsible for planning supper on those nights, because it's unfair for him to be off three days in a row, but I'm expected to come home on those nights and cook and also make time to spend quality time with him. But like I said, his cooking abilities are limited. Back to yesterday..... I woke up at 5am, got ready, went to work. Was in meetings all morning until afternoon. Worked until 3:30, drove home, changed clothes, and left for aerobics. Got home at 6:00 from aerobics, didn't even turn on the tv but immediately walked over and turned on the stove to start cooking because I knew my BF would be over anytime. And he hadn't mentioned any "ideas" for supper though he did make mention that he was hungry, so ...yep....responsibility is mine. By the time supper was fixed and eaten it was 7:30. I was a hot sweaty mess from aerobics, so I literally felt like I jumped in the shower for 5 minutes so I'd still have time to sit with him on the couch for a while before I had to go to bed.

At the end of the day, I was exhausted. There was literally less than 1 hour, all day long that I had to sit down, watch some tube and relax. Through no real fault of his own, I find myself often getting very resentful of him, all the free time he has, the seemingly lack of responsibilities that he has. He's off 3 full days a week, never has to set an alarm clock because he can sleep till 10-11 every day, has literally 1 load of laundry to do, lives in an apt so has no house responsibilities, has a roomate so cleaning and bills are shared. He's not pursuing any sort of higher ed, so when he's not at work, his time is 100% his own. And those three days he has off during the week (on months he's off on weekends, it's not near the issue...but that's every other month)he expects we're going to spend time together. It's carefree time for him.....but as you can see from what I wrote above describing my day yday, it's not carefree time for me, it's exhausting time for me. And I think to myself, HOW in the world am I going to do this once I start my MBA?

How do you all do it? How do you GRACEFULLY make time for everything in your life? Do you sacrifice things you need to keep yourself healthy? HOW DO YOU DO IT!?!?

**sourpuss** · 04-22-2010 04:35 PM

Well, don't resent him because ultimately it's not his fault he has more free time than you. At the end of the day, your schedule is a result of the choices you've made. I'm not saying that in a negative way at all. Just the facts. I think it's great that you do all of those things.

Since you don't live together it's a touchy subject to ask him to help out more. But it's worth a shot so you guys can spend more relaxing time together. Ask him to cook on his days off. I get Everyday food magazine in the mail once a month and it's the simplest recipes, there's no way he couldn't make something from that. Ask him if he'd be willing to help out on that end and possibly throw in a load of laundry for you.

I was in your same exact boat several months ago. And when I was single it was no big deal because my free time was devoted to me. Now that I'm in a relationship, I've had to let some things go. I do my laundry less often, clean the bathroom less often, etc. I'm not a slob now, but I've realized that being a neat freak isn't as important as time spent with someone you care about.

Can the two of you prepare large batches of food on the weekend to have for the rest of the week?

**Beautiful Disaster** · 04-22-2010 04:58 PM

Oh..I know it's not his fault. He has his life, I have mine, they are very different. We work very different jobs on very different schedules. When he's off Tues Wed and Thur, then he's working when I'm off on Sat and Sun. Those are the times that stress me, because those are week nights when I've had a very busy day, and then have to make time for the relationship as well. And I worry about how am I going to give him that time he needs when I'm also taking MBA classes and having to study etc?

I do often cook a pot of beans on the weekend to store for the week. And sometimes cook up some Quinoa for the week. But I sometimes feel like even on my rare free time on the weekend after cleaning and laundry (I save it for the weekend too, so that I can have time to spend with him on the nights he's off) I'm spending MY free time planning for the week for US. But he's not having to do any of that. He honestly feels he's doing really good if he cooks for us one night. Like last night, he never even considered cooking supper or planning supper for us, because he had made tacos the night before.

So when he got to my house last night, he was hungry, immediately got into my pantry looking for something to munch on while I cooked supper...... but did he think about what WE were going to eat? No...because he just assumed I'd work it out. And I did.

Basically, it's all fairly normal stuff...I just sometimes have a hard time dealing with it all. It's hard on a day like yesterday (which is almost an exact mirror image of at least 3 days a week when he's off work) to feel all up beat and affectionate and all the things he wants from me, after having a day like that. Ya know? I guess I just worry how I'm going to continue to do it all, especially once I start my MBA. And it makes me feel extremely pressured. Though that's not HIS fault.. Ya know?

**KMonte85** · 04-22-2010 05:05 PM

Wow what a day! It makes me tired just reading all that, but I can relate! There are days when I'm running around at work from 7am to 5pm, then have to come home, feed/water the pets, walk the dog, make dinner, try to pick up a little, make it to zumba, etc.. etc... I understand your plight.

It seems on of the easiest things you could do to give you at least an hr or so of free time, is to not cook dinner for you and your boyfriend. Ask that he make his own meal at his place, and come over about 7:30 or whenever your usual couple time hanging out is. That gives you time to whip up something easy for yourself for dinner and have a bit of "me time" before he gets there.

Before I lived with my boyfriend, I made sure to set this standard. We were both busy so he understood that he should be coming over having already eaten, unless we were planning on going out and grabbing a bite to eat or if was decided earlier that he would stop in for dinner.

He should understand the craziness you've dealt with lately and be willing to do this for you.. if not, give him the synopsis of your day that you just gave us. That should make him sympathize with your dilemma and understand why you can't make dinner for him almost every night. Or like sourpuss suggested, you could introduce him to the wonderful world of cooking, and suggest that he makes dinner if he wants to have dinner with you every night.

**sourpuss** · 04-22-2010 05:06 PM

Just ask him plain out, 'Hey, can you help me out with dinner time more on your days off? That would be a huge help."

Or don't cook those days. I know some people are the 'sit down and eat' types, but can you just grab a couple of snacks rather than cooking and cleaning up after a big dinner?

**Beautiful Disaster** · 04-22-2010 05:37 PM

SP - I agree, I just need to be more direct with him about it. We have had the cooking discussion many times. I've told him it's stressful for me when he knows I've been NONSTOP all day long and he shows up at MY house, hungry, having not eating anything, waiting to see what I'm going to plan. Him cooking one out of three nights is an improvement because when we first started dating, he NEVER cooked and finally I got tired of it and said something about it.

I just need to find a way to be more direct about it, without sounding mean, or resentful. Because really I do realize that while some of my frustrations come from his "I'll let her take responsibility" mentality, alot of them come from my own schedule, and my own pressures.

KMonte- I like the idea of eating seperately on those nights. Actually for whatever reason I hadn't thought of that.

I have given him that synopsis before.....actually I did last night and I caught him rolling his eyes. He's heard it before, and he says he understands, but is he capable of truly understanding when his life, his schedule, his free time is SO incredibly different? If he truly understood, he'd never expect me to be responsible for supper on those nights. Which is why I worry about what things will be like when I start classes....will he be able to deal with the fact that I can't give him that quality time on week nights? Will he be able to deal with the fact that school will come first? And will I be able to deal with the pressures of EVERYTHING going on plus the relationship and the time and effort required to make it work?

Ultimately, it's not really about him.....it would probably be similar to any guy I could date that didn't live a similar life as me and couldn't "walk in my shoes" per say. I have goals, and I intend to reach them. I just wonder how women do it that are married and have children. I can't imagine.

I just need to make more of an effort to not feel so much pressure to do those things, like it's "my job" to cook supper, it's my job to host and facilitate our time together. So in a sense, I need to make more of an effort, to make LESS of an effort. HEHE.

**KMonte85** · 04-22-2010 05:58 PM

Originally Posted by Beautiful Disaster

So in a sense, I need to make more of an effort, to make LESS of an effort. HEHE.

I like this idea! Go with it! Decide what priorities should take precedence in your life, as currently there aren't enough minutes in the day to do everything you want to do and remain sane!

Maybe as SP suggested, the cleaning can be dialed down to a 10 minute decluttering pickup every other night, and a good scrubbing once every 2 weeks or so. Maybe you can tell your bf that he's on his own for dinner (unless its preplanned or he intends to cook). Maybe on extra busy nights, or when you're working on you MBA/its finals week, you can just catch up with the boyfriend on the phone for a 1/2 hour instead of spending the night in each others' company.

Analyze the things that take up your time and decide what's important and needs to be done, and what can wait. Start saying "no" or delegating when favors and requests are made of you.

You may already be doing any/all of these things, but if you start really looking at what is taking up your time you might find some things can be made less important/time consuming than they are now - and will get a bit more free time to unwind!

You need some free time too! Especially with the upcoming courseload you'll have to find time for, too. Otherwise you'll be bald from all the hair pulling you'll be doing!

**LanaBear** · 04-22-2010 06:07 PM

Honestly, I can't tell you how it's done gracefully. I have gotten better, but sometimes I feel like I'm drowning. I think the best advice I can give, take everything one step at a time. Also, if you need help, say it. For example, more often than not, the person who cooks in our house doesn't do the clean up. Tell him, if I'm cooking, well then you need to HELP if not, DO the dinner clean up.

It does sound like yesterday was a day for being busy...

My life is insane on a daily basis, but I've come to the conclusion that if it wasn't, I'd be bored out of my skull. Work, house, two kids, hubby, 3 dogs, soccer, scouts, activities, etc.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 04-22-2010 07:18 PM

Kmonte - I had to have cranial surgery as a baby...I would NOT look good bald. So lets just say, you're right...I have some work to do on lessening the pressure in my life.

LanaBear - he usually cleans up after dinner, but realistically, I sort of clean up after myself WHILE I'm cooking so there's less than 5 minutes of pick up to do after dinner. I try so hard to make time for everyone and everything. One of the big reasons I am not ready for marriage is because I there's so much going on in my life alone, I don't feel like I'm ready for the married life where my requirements and efforts are much greater, or the parenting life when GOD FORBID you have 5 minutes to yourself to sit on the toilet. haha. I just want to say you, and all mothers and wives out there who hold down day jobs aside from the full time job as a wife and mother, that you DEFINITELY have my respect.

**sourpuss** · 04-22-2010 07:49 PM

I think Kmonte's advice is best. Maybe if you prioritize your time to be more focused on you, then he'll see that he can either help, or see you less. Hopefully, he'll choose to help. You also need to back off on the cleaning/cooking so much. Life is too short to spend so much time doing chores.