Am I doing something wrong here?

**respectstepmoms** · 10-30-2010 10:45 AM

Im confused... I made a post and only 1 person responded with suggestions or views but it shows it was read by many. Am I doing something wrong here where nooone can respond to my postings?

**WildChild** · 10-30-2010 11:55 AM

Many readers aren't registered members and therefore can't post.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 10-30-2010 01:44 PM

Are you talking about your post regarding your husband and his son? 3 people responded, not just 1.

And no, you're not doing anything wrong. Sometimes I post and get lots of responses, sometimes I post other topics that get 1 or 2 responses. Not sure if it's the content of the post, the length, or a combination of the two, but sometimes it just happens.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-30-2010 03:11 PM

respectstepmoms, welcome to the Forum

It's obvious you are anxious to receive as many replies as possible to try to weight things up.
Firstly, you may note that the Moderators deleted your duplicate threads in other sections, that is because our members read all new posts, or sections that they feel that they can provide their opinions, so you only need the one thread.

Secondly, as BD stated, actually 3 people have replied but the problem is, is that WC broke it all down to make it easier for people to see clearly what's going on but in that she posed questions and so did HD, however you haven't been back to that thread to reply to those questions,therefore, we are all in a limb waiting for you to do so, so that we can then put our thoughts, opinions to you, from that reply..

And, lastly

It is the weekend, we have less members on the Forum at that time.

I look foward to replying myself, once you've answered the question so we all have the picture straight...

CW

**respectstepmoms** · 10-30-2010 03:27 PM

I only see the one how do I see the others. Yes im anxious but I dont see it

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-30-2010 03:37 PM

http://www.womens-health.com/boards/...m-i-crazy.html

Can you see WC's answer and HD's when you open this, in addition I will open it and paste it under here but please go back to your inital thread to respond, as I will then close this one.

CW

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-30-2010 03:40 PM

Wildchild

Just to clarify:
You have known your husband for 18 months
have been married about 11 months
have been close to divorce for 5 months.
Your husband has a 12 yr old son from a previous marriage.
Initially your husband and his ex wife both sought your input regarding childrearing?
Now they no longer want that input?
Your husband now does the opposite of what you think should be done?
You feel the boy has not had consistant guidence or expectations for his behavior and that your husband and his family are inconsistant in their expectations?
Your husband is inconsistant in showing you attentions and affection?
You are feeling like you are being used for financial support and child care but are not being respected or valued?

Do you have any children?
What exactly is there about your stepson's behavior that is a problem? Are his grades poor? Does he get into trouble? Is he disrespectful?
What is it that you think your husband needs to, "get on the child" for?
Why are you in counseling? Is it just you and your husband or is his son included?

un-hopeless Dork

Great questions WC, I think answers to them will help offer insight to the readers so that they may be able to offer more opinions on the issues. I'd like to know what the child is doing that is pushing you to your wits end... most kids entering 12-14 are pretty dog gone awful in general...lol. I mean there are some angels among them but goodenss knows when they hit puberty and are transititioning from child to adult, they can be pretty difficult to deal with. Clingy one moment, leave me alone the next, they are finding their way... as we all did at that point.

You may still be facing initial 'step-mom resentment'. Its still pretty new that you've been in his life, and you entered in at a volitile time in childhood development. Some kids feel like if they are too accepting and loving of a step parent that they are insulting their 'real mom' or 'real dad' so even though some want to connect, sometimes they will force themselves to be a bit more difficult because they feel some misplaced sense of loyalty in treating you unkind.

Time, patience, understanding and not trying come in yeilding the hammer are the best ways to gain their trust. Their biggest fear with a step parent is that their natural parent is going to love them more than them... and they are going to lose them... children of divorce can see the parent that left or dates first as the abandoner, and may fear the same thing happening to them that happened to their mom or dad.

They fear a whole new set of rules and life changing drastically, and its all very scary... so they are going to fight you tooth and nail. Its best to play the background until you have their trust, let your husband be in charge of discipline as he see's fit, and be supportive with suggestions but gratiously bow-out if he doesn't take the advice. He's known the kid his whole life, and you only a year... so it could be insulting to him and the child that you think you know whats best for how he is raised than he does.

**respectstepmoms** · 10-30-2010 03:48 PM

Thank you so much. I found it. I did respond to both although I dont know how to respond to each individually apparently.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-30-2010 03:55 PM

No probs, you can highlight a paragraph, copy it, then press reply to thread, post it, then the last icon up the top here is the quotation "as I have done on your page", press that... Then reply to that quote