Thread: regrets

I think you should go ahead and choose another bridesmaid. It doesn't seem as though she is very interested in playing the part. When and if she asks why you have chosen someone else, just tell her the truth. You chose someone who is reliable and enthusiatic. You need someone you can trust to get things done in time.

How long has it been that they haven't returned a phone call? Maybe send a quick text asking if everything is ok, could be that they are really busy or something has happened. Then maybe give it a week. I wouldn't drive 2 hours for people who don't respond, that's for sure. Can you just cut them out and not replace them? I know you're trying to save money.

I would write her a message, privately to facebook , email... leave a voice mail.. send a text... all asking the same thing: Is everything okay in HER life... and does she think she will be able to participate as a bridesmaid...that you would totally understand if something else has come up but to please let you know so that you can get someone to fill her shoes in time. This will end the avoidance issue if she is afraid to let you down, and it will also save face for you if there has been some unforseen problems in her life that has made it difficult for her to get back to you.

People shouldn't accept wedding party positions if they can't commit... but at the same time life happens... and we all know the roller coaster ride that it is... while your wedding is the absolute most important thing in the world to you right now.. and your friends are there to see you through it, joyfully and happy for you... it just may not be the very most important things in THEIR life right now, a family member could be ill, finances could be in trouble... etc.. any number of things could make a person put their bridesmaid obligations on the backburner...

Of course the respectful thing for her to do is if she is overwhelmed right now is to let you know so that you aren't stressing over it... hopefully she can reply to you I'd say give her a week to reply, and if she doesn't... she has pretty much abandoned her position and I doubt she would be outraged to find out they have been replaced.

well i've sent "how is life going" msgs and "hey how are u" for about 2 weeks now and got nothing. her husband hasnt responded to my fiance either. i understand life happens, but 3 weeks ago when i went dress shoppin, she said she couldn't make it. days later shes on facebook asking for pumpkin patches she could go to. not what i call life happening, more like just having better things she wants to do. she openly broadcasts how great her life is going. as for their financial situation, her husband works for my dad so i know he mkes good money. the husband is actually my brothers best friend and my brother said he doesnt know of anything major goin on in their family. its ironic she's doing this because when i asked her she said she wouldnt do like her brides maids and completely be unhelpful. maybe one less bridesmaid would be a money frienly idea. i'll try to ask if she is still interested but chances are she wont respond. i tried to say hi again today with no success

Don't text and email again, that route is obviously not working. Get her on the phone and talk in person. If you get her voice mail, leave a simple message that you need to talk to her and to call you back. If she doesn't get back to you, call in a few days and leave a message asking if she's still interested and if she is that you need her to get back with you and if she's not, you understand and no hard feelings. Then cancel them out and save the money for some other part of the wedding.

Yep, I'd try to get her on the phone for sure. When you get her VM (which you most likely will) leave her a message, then send her an email, "Hey girl, I know you're probably super busy with life, but I REALLY need to get in touch with you to discuss your dress for the wedding. Please call me today, I'll be available until (whatever time)".

I'd then give her 48 hours after the email, and if she doesn't respond, I would send her another email and say "As badly as we hated to do it, we've had to move on with our wedding plans without you two. I haven't gotten any response from either of you in two weeks. We felt like we had a special connection with you two and it would've meant alot to us to have you stand up at our wedding. However, we understand that just not everything works out. Thanks anyway. "

That way you don't sound mad or bitter but can politely let them off the hook since they clearly don't want to be a part of it. To me it speaks volumes about what kind of "friends" they are. Not every friend will want to be in your wedding, but good friends would politely decline rather than say yes, then blow you off.