I'm tired
It's been a really long year or so. Some of you have read other threads by me, and the MIL issue is over. She came over one day and informed us she was withdrawing the divorce petition...my husband informed her that basically she made her bed and we don't want to hear her obsessing about where her husband is any longer.
My sister's custody case is tomorrow, her divorce case is next week from her idiot abusive husband. This means phone calls like crazy from my family. They started tonight calling because they were lost, or thought they were, then needed a hotel (this was at midnight). Tomorrow will be awful. We offered for months to write reference letters for my sister, but they waited until the week before to actually ask us for them...by then, it was too late to mail. We are hoping to be able to fax them tomorrow before the hearing.
Things with my husband and I are a bit better. Unfortunately he was informed recently his position at work is being eliminated. We moved across the country for this, ended up in a worse situation, close to crazy family, got NOTHING out of it. Health insurance ends on the 1st of February. Unemployment will be close to nothing in this state. He's applied for probably a hundred plus jobs and only had a couple of call backs, of which almost none have led to interviews. We have a small savings and a budget, so hopefully he'll get a job before it all runs out. I want to get a job, but it feels overwhelming with everything. I keep applying, but I've had nothing.
I hate waking up, but I hate going to sleep. It's like, if I'm asleep...I have to FALL asleep first, and lay there in bed for hours. Then I'll inevitably wake up, and I'm faced with completely instability, my family who calls every hour it feels like, and I have to watch my husband apply for job after job.
The docs ran a bunch of tests to see if I was physically sick with something, apparently I have gastritis which probably accounts for the nausea and vomiting. My cortisol was really high so an Endocrinologist is testing me for a bunch of things, but I'm sure they will come back normal. I have that kind of luck. It's awful to want to be diagnosed with something, but when you have a name for something that is making you sick, then you have more control. I have another week to wait for the results. My B12 was dangerously low it also turned out, so I'm giving myself injections in the stomach. Thank God for my husband, I sit in the bathroom and can get the needle halfway in, he helps me get it the rest of the way and pushes on the plunger.
I always say everything happens for a reason, but I'm struggling to keep it up. I cry over *every thing* at the moment. I don't want to sleep. I want to sleep until things are stable and normal again.
I am so, so tired...but I'm just terrified of going to lay down in the bed and just lie there with my mind racing about everything that is going on or could happen.
I can't deal with instability in anything, it feels impossible for me. Any suggestions on how to just breathe and function at the moment?
I would say you have way too many obsticles to jump, you probably have stress ulcers..your body is so tired you will cry over anything because everything is overwhelming.. Stess is a killer... Were the injections prescribed? I assume so but surely there is another method?
Your tired, over tired, what about sleeping medication?
We are human we cannot handle too much whereby it overwhelms us, depresses us, anxiety sets in..
You need a Doctor NOW.
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
I agree with CW.
Levity... A memory of mine, came to mind as i read your thread. 3 am. my husband and I sitting in the bathroom one night. Our 1st born in bed (lactose intolerant) colicky never slept for more than 20 to 30 min. The neighborhood we lived in was a war zone. Neighbors had a neverending party always going on.. Someone decides to start a fire outside, under our sons window. It was always a flurry of chaos when we lived there.. Anyway, he and I are in the bathroom, passing the Pepto to each other. Chuggin' away, both exhausted, ill, frightened, and angry. Both of us remember passing the Pepto bottle back and forth in the bathroom. (we have a chuckle, now......then it was far from a pleasant thought)
Things will not always be this overwhelming, but you should see a Doctor.
The injections were prescribed when the doctor discovered by B12 was less than half of what it should be. She doesn't think I'm absorbing it through the stomach and small intestines like the average person which is why I'm doing injections. She is trying to get my levels up as quickly as possible. The B12 problem can actually cause every single symptoms I've experienced for MONTHS. I'm hoping that if I keep them up, then eventually I'll start to feel better.
Olympia, we have had some rough times. I know that eventually we'll look back and think "we got through this and look where we are now" but when you are in the quick of it, it's hard to remember that.
I think I should go back to my doctor. I have a follow-up today with my Gastroenterologist so I can find out how I can prevent Gastritis from occurring over and over again, and this afternoon I'll make an appointment with my primary. I've seen her twice now, and don't really trust her to be honest...but I'll give it a go.
I keep saying "there is probably nothing wrong" and my husband keeps listing everything I've been diagnosed with and telling me "yes, there is something wrong"....but I worry I'll go to her and tell her how I feel and she'll go "Oh well, just be strong". Then where will I be? Likely crying some more. lol How horrid is that.....I'm try not to think of everything going on because all it does is make me tear up or cry, but I can't turn my brain off so I'm feeling like it more and more.
I don't know what I'll do when I'm out of insurance. We can't do Cobra, his work checked on it for us and it will cost us $1100 a month to continue this coverage after he is out of work.
I've had a tubal, so I'll go off the birth control that is being used to treat the PCOS. I can keep Metformin because it is four dollars. My Lovasa is being used to treat high LDL...but it's not working anyway, so I'll just switch to the vitamin form of fish oil. I'm giving up Allegra for my allergies and will switch to something over the counter, and give up Singulair completely. My biggest concern is the Dexilant. It's a heartburn pill and the only one that has worked for me, it's almost 200 a month. I'm going to ask my doctor today what I can do and what the max I can take of over the counter medicines.
It is terrifying. There is so so much, and all I want to do is sleep until he gets a new job....or just not sleep at all but just really not be here. It's awful. Everything feels impossible and horrid. I can't even go to my parents because they are obsessed with what is going on with my sister and her kids. My mom called earlier crying and whispering for me to pray. I can't keep taking it all. I know things have to improve eventually...I just have to figure out how to get to that eventually.
I agree completely!! And know as the problems/situations build they become magnified.. Overwhelming!Olympia, we have had some rough times. I know that eventually we'll look back and think "we got through this and look where we are now" but when you are in the quick of it, it's hard to remember that.
And IMO, you need to speak with a professional. Your health is very important (physical and mental).
It's tomorrow how are you?My sister's custody case is tomorrow, her divorce case is next week from her idiot abusive husband. This means phone calls like crazy from my family. They started tonight calling because they were lost, or thought they were, then needed a hotel (this was at midnight). Tomorrow will be awful. We offered for months to write reference letters for my sister, but they waited until the week before to actually ask us for them...by then, it was too late to mail. We are hoping to be able to fax them tomorrow before the hearing.
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
I made an appointment, it's on Tuesday. It's the soonest appointment they had, but they will call if something sooner opens up. Whew. I have a prescription for Xanax but I don't use it because I'm scared of addiction. Today though, I've been shaking SO badly I can't even knit!!! It's the craziest thing! So I've taken half a Xanax to try to calm down. I'm going to ask the doctor for something less addicting so I can worry less about that and maybe actually function a bit more.
I'm not doing really well...like, I got up this morning, went to the bathroom, by the time I was halfway to the door of the bathroom to walk out I was panicking already! How does that happen? I'm shaking sooooooo bad. It's weird! If it gets too bad and turns into a full blown panic attack, I may go to a walk-in clinic or emergency room. Thankfully I can recognize when that is happening.
My husband made me take a sleeping pill last night to stay asleep and in bed. I know he's worried about me, I know we'll get through all of this. I know things have been rough for us, but I'm so thankful for him. He is a blessing in my life.
I haven't heard an update on my sister, no one has called and no one is answering their phones. No idea! They call when their is chaos going on, then leave me in the dark with no solution. It's a good thing yes, but it concerns my niece and nephew and I'm worried.
Good news though, multiple doctors are now thinking the same thing about my stomach. Both my gastro and normal doctor think that bile from my small intestines is washing back into my stomach, between that and the hiatal hernia, they think it explains a lot of the digestive issues. SO, that's great. My gastro also gave me the prices of his appointments so if I need to come in if I don't have insurance, I can still afford it. He was just great yesterday. They tested me for a BUNCH of things and it all came back normal!!! He has asked me to start having a cup of yogurt once a day, gave me a list of foods to avoid, and a new prescription for my stomach and intestines to protect them. Seriously, that's great. I have my Endo appointment on the 28th, so if everything comes back normal from that...we've narrowed the issue down to B12, Gastritis, Hiatal Hernia, a bile problem....tada! Easy to fix and deal with.
The health stuff is slowly working out, I should have answers and reasons by the end of the month. That I'm thankful for. It's something positive!
My husband has a BUNCH of contacts and he has some friends in Seattle who are contacting their friends at large IT corporations.
I'm also thankful for this forum. Thank you for your support, I really mean that.
Just throwing it out there, the people with addictions can be taking about 10+ times the normal dose everyday, multiple times a day. Those are addictions, abusive use, not proper prescription use like you would be doing. Taking one pill once a day at the regular dose is not going to cause addiction it is going to be very effective in calming the anxiety just as it should. Taking the anxiolytic is not going to automatically cause you to become addicted, if you have a past history of addiction then obviously things can be different but never taking something like that before is not going to cause addiction issues. No need to be worried.I have a prescription for Xanax but I don't use it because I'm scared of addiction. Today though, I've been shaking SO badly I can't even knit!!! It's the craziest thing! So I've taken half a Xanax to try to calm down. I'm going to ask the doctor for something less addicting so I can worry less about that and maybe actually function a bit more.
There are those who believe that dictionaries should not merely reflect the times but also protect English from the mindless assaults of the trendy.
ItsASecret, no the only thing I've been addicted to is cigarettes and thankfully I stopped those around 2001 or so. I just grew up with a mom who informed me *constantly* that I was going to get addicted to *everything*. No joke, it's why I don't gamble....I'm TERRIFIED of getting addicted. lol I can't seem to put it aside and worry about it.
Today is less shaky, but there are never many jobs posted on Fridays so I'm not having to watch my husband apply over and over and over again. The more I see him do it, the more freaked out I get. I've applied for a few and I think next week I'm going to a workforce place to see if they can help me. On days like today, I feel like...I can see me getting stuff done...or at least surviving....but a bad moment will occur and it's like a total set back.
Yesterday was horrid. Thank God I took half of the Xanax, afterwards I took a nap and then when I woke up, I did so to a phone call from a family member who was hiding in a bathroom of a hotel. This family member had just been attacked by another family member. Her glasses were broke, she had scratches on her, red marks...she refused to take pictures and send them to me just in case something happens in the future. A third family member got in between them and broke it up, but of course that person did nothing...as that person has never done anything about it over the years. So I got call after call from the family member who got attacked to give me updates and to tell me where she was (I had her get her laptop and sit in the lobby of the hotel). While this family member was in the bathroom, she could overhear the other person just saying the WORST things about her. The WORST things. This person did nothing wrong, something was tossed at her, she tossed it back and the attacker just leaped on her and started hitting.
How do you just say..."that's it, I'm not talking to any of them any longer" or "I'm out of all of it"?. How do I just not answer the phone to any of them...including the person who was attacked?
All I could do was well...nothing. This person doesn't want help, I keep telling her to call an abuse hotline, the salvation army, there are TONS of shelters in her area...she won't do a thing. All I can do is listen to her when she calls and then get off the phone and cry and worry and just sit in disbelief over what has happened to my family, my extended family, and my husband and I over the last couple of years....but especially this family member who got beat up.
My husband took me out for a walk and we just walked while I cried over the situation.
It really is just so much. I'm 100% sure there are others in my situation....no jobs, family problems, other chaos, health problems....and somehow they get through. I just don't know how. The husband and I are going to start exercising today to try to focus on something else. Life sucks and I can't wait for my doctor appointment.
You know the sub-conscious mind when told "constantly" will believe in what ever it was that was "programmed" into your mind....no the only thing I've been addicted to is cigarettes and thankfully I stopped those around 2001 or so. I just grew up with a mom who informed me *constantly* that I was going to get addicted to *everything*. No joke, it's why I don't gamble....I'm TERRIFIED of getting addicted. lol I can't seem to put it aside and worry about it
You need to re-programme it and tell yourself, I don't have an addicted personality because if you did you wouldn't have been able to give up smoking ...
Walking is fantastic, so is painting, reading, a hot bath....Do everything that is calm and you should be able to relax more...Like when we go on holidays, we leave behind the stress yes? Same as when you do things that are relaxing
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
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