Hi! I am back now. With a story of bittersweets to share with all of you.

**wanton** · 04-26-2011 04:25 AM

It is shocking, isn’t it when you go through a plethora of experiences. I have swallowed both bitter and sweeter dosages. Mostly the bitterest moments. I am in a confessional mood and no matter how serious and shaming the experiences I underwent I will write without sparing anything at all. I always found this forum a wonderful platform to outpour all of my poignancies and idiosyncrasies. I do not care what criticisms I will have to digest.

I have had a wedding and experienced the thrill of what it means to be someone's wife. But the relationship could not sustain since I could not cast myself into the mold he wanted. He wanted me to be in a shell of the society he was in, circumscribed by his quirks. I had to give in to his desires. But my spiritual self is always powerful and my stature too high for him and he could not stand it and wanted to tame me to obey him.

Once I broke with him I was in my odyssey, an odyssey of self discovery. I strayed and repented a thousand and one times and my plight was appalling. I was used and abused. I got turned on of course in the course and yet mostly I got molested. I ran financially bankrupt.

But now, dear friends I am again with you a little bit shamed degraded from your moral heights. I was even compelled to prostitute for a while since I was living adrift pennilessly. I was called a slutty woman.

Here I am in a world of sisters and brothers who can understand me better.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 04-26-2011 04:46 AM

Question

Aren't you married? Or first time with a man, "boyfriend" how do you end up financially bankrupt, into this situation, where is he?

**wanton** · 04-26-2011 05:07 AM

I got married but the relation could not go long. I had no one to support and was jobless for long. In our country the law is not in support of women. I could have a stake over the properties of my ex-husband but I had to go to court to file it but I had no penny to pay for the proceeds.

**jns** · 04-26-2011 05:19 AM

How are you supporting yourself now?

**wanton** · 04-26-2011 06:04 AM

I engage in teaching small boys privately and making two ends meet out of that meager income. I am ashamed to show up in my parents' residence. The entire society will point their fingers at me as if I am a rotten human. My dreams are shattered completely and yet I am trying to reposition myself. Maybe I will migrate to a different location and will reintroduce myself to a world of strangers and have a new identity far from my society. Even my parents will not be informed. I am despite all my failures and shocks I am still a strong and educated person. I have no diseases though I have strayed for a while in a turbulent period.

I have seen too much of this selfish world. People are brutes in the robes of civilization. At the end of the day when you are in trouble they will leave you. I am now a stranger wandering off. I will redefine my values and rebuild my world

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 04-26-2011 06:25 AM

You have a high sex drive having had sex yet learnt alot yourself by yourself.

Re-defining your "core values" is a good thing as well as your morals.

Are you were you rebelious with your childhood?

**spurzzz** · 04-26-2011 07:23 AM

Hi Wanton:

Sorry to hear about the traumatic experiences you have gone through, I am sure you will grow strong from it as you seem very understanding.

"Maybe I will migrate to a different location and will reintroduce myself to a world of strangers" - Probably a good idea, sometimes we all need a change, a fresh start somewhere new to rediscover who we are. I know myself what living in a certain culture is like and the strong assertive beliefs they hold. If you want to move on, I would definately consider this option without delay.

I have seen too much of this selfish world. People are brutes in the robes of civilization. At the end of the day when you are in trouble they will leave you - Please remember that the world in itself is not cruel but rather the people populating it. We are at the moment the cancer of this planet, a big virus with the sole intent of destroying what is otherwise a beautiful world. We think we understand so much but in reality we understand so little.

People are like sheep in that they follow the herd. We grow into a culture and think this is the best way to live. We grow into a religion and believe this is the truth. We grow up thinking idols are the way to be. I am not going to go into why I think we are like this as I don't want to go off topic but the key is to understand as much as possible about the human race and what we are all about. What the world is about and how it has gotten so harsh and brutal.

For then and only then can you trully understand and forgive others including yourself.

**LanaBear** · 04-26-2011 10:20 AM

Wanton...

Based on your previous posts, I'm confused as to why you even got married. You could not commit to this man when you were just dating, you repeatedly cheated on him, what made you think marriage would be a good idea?