OCD, me and father

**aimhealthylife** · 05-20-2011 12:09 PM

Hi,

I am 19 years old Japanese girl living in Japan. Actually I am half Iranian and Japanese.
I will be 20 this end of the year. I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - OCD. But these days its much more better than 3 years ago

I starting to control myself more and bit more relaxed mind.

My father's family in Iran is conservative muslim. My father is not maybe religious as them, but still he have those value or his family's.
He living in Japan for very long but still sometime say that can't understand the Japan or people itself at here.

I am, considering myself, not religious at all. I don't care about my religion. (of course I respect others belief).
When i introduce about myself, I say Japanese. Also my mother is Japanese.

When I came back late or same time as my father, he suspect me.
Even when it is in phone call.
For example 'where are you?', 'who with you?', 'why are you there?', 'what are you doing there?'
even sometime when I eat something he ask 'What did you eat?'

I feel very stress from this.
Because also he push his value a lot to others. If I don't allow I am the bad person.
Of course I don't do anything bad or guilty.

I know that he worry and in fact he helped me.
Also he have his strong personal value and pride, I think.

However, whenever he ask me these things I feel struggling.
Maybe I am selfish to say this but I have my private.

When confronting this problem, I feel nervous.
And its like and similar that feeling in 3 years ago witch is my OCD symptoms.
I scare that he doing this make me again sick mental.

Sad, angry.
I feel my life is very limited. whenever I do like this.
Whenever, in different ways I enlarging and open my world, he do this I feel sad.
I want to experience different kinds of things, new visions..etc.

I think its natural for my age to do different kinds of things, by almost my decision or completely mine.

He let me choice concerning to education. But not like my lifestyle.

Sorry for a lot of detail.

Maybe I have very self-centred thoughts, thank you so much for reading this.
But I hope, how can reduce, minimize, avoid or behave..etc to this opposition or conflict?
Or what other things I can do?

Thank you so much for your help!

**pretzel** · 05-20-2011 12:18 PM

I don't know if it's religion, cultural differences or what not.

It sounds like a father who is afraid of having his little girl growing up so quickly. He wants his baby and you want to be yourself.

Sometimes the two don't always see eye to eye.

**aimhealthylife** · 05-21-2011 08:44 PM

Hi,
Thanks for your reply.

But my problem is I feel even sick - like vomiting by this.
Depressed, feel very sick.

I don't really know how to express this feeling.

But its like a feeling they crushes my brain and heart.
My mother speak to me stressful, also my father.
Even front of my room.
My mother said I am doing this because of loneliness.

Most of the time I need to block my ears to hear those things. Because make me very unstable.
When I hear those, I can't stop thinking. Make me very panic.
Really hate this feeling, full energy of anger and irritation.

My father was always irritated since I was little, because of money or some other things.

I don't do anything bad or guilty. Even that they say about me very bad.

I am really struggling and don't know how to calm down this thoughts and feeling.

I am almost collapsing,
Very tired of this.

**aimhealthylife** · 05-21-2011 09:31 PM

Hi again.

Sorry I was ultra selfish.
I think need to solve all this problems myself.

Thank you so much for reading my issues and replying.
Very appreciate.