Thread: PMDD and Relationship Woes

Hi Basslet, Im not sure if you have come back to these post but, there are a lot of women who suffer this illness. I myself have lived with and deal with this same problem from my wife. One thing I have learned is, during the cycles of pmdd and you would need to learn them, they can flutuate between months unfortunately. But, what I do is try not to provoke her during this time. What I mean is, when I recognise the signs, I avoid certain issues to minimize the frustrations. I also learned that, she has often felt overwhelmed with the house work because, our children tend to think this is why moms even exsist,to clean up after them!
I have asked my wife to let me tend to issues that seem to be overwhelming for her mainly adult kid issues. Although, she has a difficult time letting go, she does allow me to intervene and steps back. Good for her because, otherwise, shed be wanting to take us all out and I do mean, "take us out". I have dealt with this issues for 23 years. But, on the bright side, I'm only dealing with it, she has to live with it on the inside. I am sure we really can't imagine what it must be like to be the carrier. What I do know is, if we truly love the person with this illness, we will stand by them. We will learn all we can and try to be patient during the bad months. It appears there are only 10 days during the months when the sufferer is what is consider normal. The real person we know. My wife knows, I will not turn my back on her. I will not allow this illness to cause me to leave her or turn to someone else. This problem is our problem and not just hers. She can get pretty ugly with words and say somehateful things at times but, I know this isnt the person I know. She is always forgiven! It's like an unlimited credit card that is good anytime anywhere 24-7. The more we as the family learn and understand how to live with a loved one with PMDD, the better off we all are. The harder part being the partner in this relationship is we often feel like victims and you are in a sense but, just remember, its an illness that causes, irritability, depression, anger, insomnia, tiredness and the real victim being the sufferer has no where to turn for relief. They dont understand themselves why they are feeling all of this anguish or maybe even rage however, they shouldn't go through it alone! If their partner is strong enough to handle the situations and not take the attacks personal. There are limitations but, I would use caution. Examples; I have been told to get out and not in this nice of a way either. But, I know when she calms down, she will let me know, she didn't mean it at all. She expects me to be there for her and to understand that, these moments aren't her true feeling but the illness that causes her to feel so upset or angry. It's easy to feel at times that maybe leaving would be the best thing. I have thought this at times and when told to do it almost seemed like a golden opportunity! Honestly though, my wife is my partner and we do indeed love one another. I have asked many times over, how can a person love someone but in the same breath hate them. Especially knowing, you didn't deserve that treatment. So, until if ever, my wife approaches me and says. "look, I really fell out of love with you and I just don't want to be married anymore", I am in this for the long haul. I have learned ways to take some of the load off of her by simply saying, hey, let me handle it from here ok! I will ask what her hopes are for an end result and try to make it happen. Unfortunately, life isn't always getting our way with things either. This is another reason to always tell her when an issue is out of your hands and hers. She may not like this answer but, facts are facts. You can't change something you have little to no control over. PMDD is out of all of our hands. We have little to no control over it. Therefore, we neede to find the tools in our lives that will work for us. Mine are to take over our kids issues and I help by keeping the kitchen clean while I am home. I help by ironing clothes but mainly to support my endless commitment to her and our family. I'm not certain all men feel the same commitment when they marry and they certainly may not realize what they got themselves into when they learn their spouse has this illness.
I truly believe if we love our spouses, the mother of our children, the wonderful person we fell in love with at the beginning of the relationship. That person is still in there. You just have to learn you can only have them for about 10 days, then you have to assist with the illness and try to find comfort in knowing this person, this wonderful woman you married or in a relationship with is the main one suffering here. I tell my self this all of the time. Knowing now what I didn't understand then and still struggle to understand at times now, I can honestly say, I am still in love with my wife and she loves me. We share some nice times together and she knows, I am in it with her and not standing on the side lines scratching my head asking myself if I deserve this! I deserve her period and I will be there til the end of my days. I hope this helps any man who may be asking, why me and am I the only one. The answer is a BIG NO!
Be patient, be kind. I will take 10 good days over 0 anyday! Good luck and may God bless you who are suffering and to the boyfriends or husbands learning how to cope with PMDD.