How to live with a Kleptomaniac...who doesn't think he has a problem..

**asiangrace** · 11-13-2011 09:42 AM

My fiance and I live with his father who is mentally ill. In exchange for keeping an eye on him, we get free rent. However, one of his father's (many) issues is that he's a kleptomaniac. He has DRAWS full of stolen cell phones, ipods, walkmans, sunglasses, gift cards...you name it, he has it. It's obviously not his. He use to not take our stuff quite as much, but in the last few weeks he's been going through our things and either hiding them or throwing them out. In the last 24 hours, he's taken my expensive eye cream and dumped my expensive mineral foundation in the toilet. He's taken my fiance's keys, my keys, etc.... We keep lock on both of our doors, but we can't monitor him 24/7. He owns a small business and I'm a full time student. We monitor him as best as we can, but he always seems to be able to take something important. The problem is, he doesn't think he has a problem and his mother (my fiance's grandmother) thinks that he'll one day "just recover" and "he doesn't need help, because he'll take control of his behavior" (His mom is the legal caretaker of the dad) Because he doesn't think he needs help, and his caretaker doesn't think he needs help, what can we do? We can still lock our stuff up but he finds that one time we forget, and takes something expensive and trashes it. I personally can't see there will be anyway we can get him to go to therapy, and since the ONLY person he listens to doesn't think he needs therapy either, we're at a loss.

We would like to move out and get our own place, but my fiance's business has had its up and downs; it's not too steady yet so the free rent is a nice exchange since we don't have to worry about mortgage or being evicted or anything like that. Also, if he were to move out, he would have to in a nursing home (which is legal care taker doesn't think he needs that too. Frankly, his legal caretaker needs a reality check herself)

I am just wondering if there are any alternatives or ways to cope/deal with a person who won't get help (like I said, besides his klepto, he has many many many other mental problems). I'm tired of having my expensive things taken :-(

**caterpillar79** · 11-13-2011 10:01 AM

Have you talked to a DHS counselor? It might help if you at least consult and see what they tell you. Consult a counselor for you and your husband as well. There is not much you can do for people who don't want to be helped.

**Hopeless Dork** · 11-13-2011 10:20 AM

Hate to say it, but this sounds like one of the sacrafices being made for the free rent. If your losses don't outweigh how much it would cost per month in rent somewhere else, you might have to take a deep breath and shrug it off. Maybe invest in a safe to keep utterly important keepsakes, things you can't replace etc... and just try to be vigilant in locking your rooms, etc. I realize the situation isn't pleasant, but it sounds like one of those 'there is no such thing as a free lunch' type deals, you guys are paying, paying with stress and the loss of numerous items -- however, if its condusive to your savings to stay there, just try to keep a light attitude about it and not let it wear on you as you know you cannot control his actions, only your reactions.

**BabyGirl** · 11-14-2011 07:06 AM

Mental Illness or not, Thievery is Illegal.

You say he has DRAWS ( I'm assuming you meant Drawers ) full of stolen , or not " his " Items. You need to call the police , ( non Emergency ) and explain you have found these items, that the person is mentally Ill , and that you also live in the home and that you believe these items belong to other people.

This will show you are Not Accessory to any Crimes, not a co-defendant in Possession of Stolen Property . Right now should the house be Investigated you could be charged with Accessory to the Crime after the Fact and right now , you knowing and not reporting it is Accessory . !!!

Protect yourself and Fiance. Make a call or go to your local Station , explain the circumstances, and see if there is s quiet way that the police can Investigate it , without traumatizing the Father / Grandmother and you guys .

Meanwhile , Lock your stuff up, try not to forget to lock up , sure it's hard , but you keep Medicines and Chemicals away from Babies, so you can learn to get in the habit and keep your things safe from the " Elder " Man .

**KMonte85** · 11-14-2011 07:15 AM

Unfortunately, as long as you are sharing a home with him, you're going to have to be diligent about keeping your things under lock and key.

At some point, you and your fiance have to decide if the free rent is worth the peace of mind you can't have because of your living situation. If you and your fiance don't think you can live this way, then it is time to figure out how you can make a go of it on your own by budgeting (cutting back on purchasing expensive or luxury items), and getting more income (you and/or him getting a part time job to make up for when his business has a bad month) so you can move out of that house and into your own klepto-free place.

But, if the cheap cost of living is worth having to live with a mentally disturbed person who steals/tosses out your things, then you must just put up with it, make sure you keep your valuables locked up, and avoid him as much as you can.

**Goosey** · 11-14-2011 03:30 PM

Honestly, he needs help.

A good friend of the family would steal constantly... and they ended up charging her and she basically was forced to get mental help (no jail time but forced to see a doc and start medications). She is completely different now.

Definitely watch your own things. But when it comes to mental illness, ts not an issue charging them, and simply forcing them to take charge of their illness.