Thread: My Parents Are Slowly Dying...

...as are everyone else, but these are my parents and even though they are a little cooky at times, they're the only parents I'll ever have.

My mother is slowly going blind. She sometimes drives off the road by accident because her sight is so bad. She's also losing all her sense. She's been yelling constantly and just making no sense with the world lately and it's driving me up a wall, but I know it's because she's getting older and it bothers me. Her weight is also an issue because it causes so many health problems.

My father... my father. He's already old. Pinched nerve, high cholesterol and blood pressure, chest problems... he even wet himself one day (he doesn't know I know because mom told me not to tell). My father and I don't get along at all, but it's sad because he's the only father figure I've known and it's all just hitting me now that he's getting old. My sister came over from New York a few months ago and noted how dad didn't have that pizazz he used to and I joked saying how old he's getting, but I didn't know it was so serious.

I expected them to get old. Everyone does, but the fact that it's happening to both of them at the same time bothers me. My mother is 58 and my father is 65 and neither one of them is getting younger by the minute. It kinda feels like anyday they'll die and I'll be all alone. I'm the only child that they have together, so I have no strictly blood related siblings. Just some older half-siblings who have their own lives, and some children, to deal with.

I don't know how sad I'll be when my father dies... He hasn't been the nicest of people. Sure, I'll cry because he's my father, but he's probably the meanest person I know. Yesterday, he called me an idiot for getting my wallet stolen. -shrugs- I kinda brushed it off. I'm immuned to it now.
But... when my mother goes is completely different... We never see eye-to-eye, but I love her to death and she doesn't know I do because I treat her so bad. I would never tell her how much I care for her because it sounds so corny to say (immature, I know) and it's not in my personality to be a cuddly person with adults. It sounds horrible, but I'm scared that my mother will pass before I reach 25 and I won't have any way to finance myself. My high school tuition is 13k a year and it's draining her to pay it all and the bills, too. She's a teacher who does make very good money, but when she pays everything that's due every months there's usually not enough for herself. My father is retired and he only gets $500 a month from Social Security, half of which goes to me, but I never see that money. It sounds incredibly selfish of me, but I need this money from my mother if I ever want to establish myself when I'm grown up and be able to live a good life, like I know the two of them want me to live. I just don't see any kind of future for me now...

I know that when they go that it'll feel like a burden off my shoulders because I won't have them hounding my back and nagging at me, but God, I don't want them to die. As a matter of fact, I don't want anyone to die. My heart hurts just talking about this... I don't know what to do. I don't know what will happen to me. I don't want to become dependent on a family member because they're all twisted and will think I owe them something.

...I'm scared.

My dad has always had salt and pepper hair since I can remember... -sigh-

I'm sure I sound intelligent, but it's the internet and I can make myself sound however I want, unfortunately.