Hoping2BeMommy

I am not sure if this is anxiety, related or not to PCOS or insulin resistance or anyhting else God has challenged me with but as crazy as this is going to make me sound I have to ask.
I dropped out of college in sept 2001, i couldn't handle going to school and worrying if terrorists were going to kill us. I didn't have any strong connection to 911 except I am a deeply empathatic person.
I can't sleep with the lights off...I have to have the TV on, but now I have to have it on nickelodeon because its the only channel that will never have news, ect....or HSN
A couple of times a year I have sleep paralysis, but that may have been cause by a childhood molestation or a teen rape.
Every now and then I will start thinking of the worst things....people coming in our house and killing us brutally..ect, I can't shake it and it has caused me to work at home (I LOVE IT ANYWAY) and not really spend much time outside. I even got a walking DVD for in house so i could still excersise without having to leave the house. I am 30 years young and I love life. But I am scared that I am going nuts. Please, has anyone else had this or live in fear of death on a regular basis?
I can't take meds because I am scared of dying or horrible side effects, it's a vicious cycle....