feeling unapreciated

emilie · 12-02-2008, 11:20 PM

Ok, so, me and my fiance have been together now for almost 7 years, we just had a baby 15 months ago. and about 2 months before i was due for labor, he had gotten fired from his job, and for a while he'd use the excuse i wanna see my baby grow up for a bit before i go back to work and so i said that's fine for a month or two, then he started to say well your getting maturity pay/leave so why cant i use this time ( the year of maternity time) to relax and enjoy with baby, and he would say i will get a job as soon as you go back to work, i went back to work 4 months after i had him just for a day a week for extra cash, and so i've been back to work full time now for 5 months and hes now saying i don't think its possible for two people to work and raise a child. and he says he needs this time off of work so he can work on home made short films so he can become famous and all that . but mean while I'm paying all his bills, rent and feeding him, taking on all the responsibilities of work and home because hes not to good with house hold chores. i don't even think hes done more then 5 loads of laundry in the whole time we've been together, that's just an example of one thing.

mean while i feel as though I'm being taken advantage of and hes not going to change.

i don't know if its the stress or if its the fact that his laziness is making him more unattractive but i don't have a desire for sex with him any more, and hes not a passionate person so i don't feel like im wanted or desired by him. it feels like wam bam thank ya mam kinda sex life now. is the whole sex part normal for two people of a 7 year relationship. also are there any other women who take on the finantial responsibilities all by them selves?

N01 · 12-03-2008, 03:21 AM

I'm a guy, so take my point of view with a grain of salt... but I think you are being taken advantage of. If he's gonna stay home then he needs to be the house husband, do the laundry, shopping, cleaning and have the meals ready. If he's not doing any of that, then (in my opinion) you need to tell him to start or else get his lazy self back out and working for real. just sitting at home in close proximity to a baby isn't the same as taking care of one.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-03-2008, 05:10 PM

Responsibility of both marriage and raising a child is a duel act, especially more so when you are both living together.

Shared responsibilities..

These days there isn't anything wrong for one partner to work, the other taking care of the household, cooking and child.

Sounds though that basically you are doing the whole lot.

I don't have children, but I have been exactly where you are.

I was married just over 7 years, my ex had a back injury.. Then had a second one, whilst attempting still to work... Don't know why, I mean I know that the injuiries were real, but seeing as i had also had an injury a year before I met him, and the capabilities that I could do, verses what he could do, there was something that didn't add up.

So, yes, I was in your position, worked, he didn't , cooked, he didn't, cleaned, he didn't, gardens, animals, you name it, until I got fed up seeing him watching what he wanted on TV, nothing I would watch, loudly, over a few drinks, whilst i prepared food at 8pm at night, having just got home from work, watering gardens and feeding the pets, ...

You do lose your sex drive, one cause your tired, but two because you can't fathem the touch, you have a sense of "yuck" about it. Mine was also not a passionate person.

Apart from the fact he has made excuse after excuse about working, doesn't lend a hand at home, and "expects/uses and abuses" your position, I would hassed at a guess that he was never passionate, and never really helped you even when he was working. And, that you thought, perhaps it was because he worked.

I think my reveled in the fact that he didn't have to... And just had a selfish nature.

I think you may have what I had, a Batchelor of sorts. Non giving, non caring and wam bam? Don't do it.. Just makes you feel degraded and yet again giving, but not receiving....

Frankly you can do better on your own than what you are doing now, even if you couldn't work full time.

CW.

emilie · 12-03-2008, 06:20 PM

thanks guys, its given me a bit of clarity hearing it from someone else. its just become so exhausting and warring me out.

**Tuesday** · 12-14-2008, 03:30 PM

An old bf of mine has a stay at home with the kiddies arrangement with his now wife, and it works well as far as I can see. He does do all the things around the home that needs to be done, and he's into cooking so he does all of that. It sounds like your guy is just being mummied by you but not giving anything back. So don't mummy him anymore....don't pick up after him or cook for him just prepare a meal for yourself and the baby, do the laundry for yourself and baby etc etc...he'll soon get the hint!

12-02-2008, 11:20 PM	#1
emilie Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 6	feeling unapreciated Ok, so, me and my fiance have been together now for almost 7 years, we just had a baby 15 months ago. and about 2 months before i was due for labor, he had gotten fired from his job, and for a while he'd use the excuse i wanna see my baby grow up for a bit before i go back to work and so i said that's fine for a month or two, then he started to say well your getting maturity pay/leave so why cant i use this time ( the year of maternity time) to relax and enjoy with baby, and he would say i will get a job as soon as you go back to work, i went back to work 4 months after i had him just for a day a week for extra cash, and so i've been back to work full time now for 5 months and hes now saying i don't think its possible for two people to work and raise a child. and he says he needs this time off of work so he can work on home made short films so he can become famous and all that . but mean while I'm paying all his bills, rent and feeding him, taking on all the responsibilities of work and home because hes not to good with house hold chores. i don't even think hes done more then 5 loads of laundry in the whole time we've been together, that's just an example of one thing. mean while i feel as though I'm being taken advantage of and hes not going to change. i don't know if its the stress or if its the fact that his laziness is making him more unattractive but i don't have a desire for sex with him any more, and hes not a passionate person so i don't feel like im wanted or desired by him. it feels like wam bam thank ya mam kinda sex life now. is the whole sex part normal for two people of a 7 year relationship. also are there any other women who take on the finantial responsibilities all by them selves?

12-03-2008, 05:10 PM	#3
CHANDLERS WISH WH Head Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 12,645 Blog Entries: 8	Responsibility of both marriage and raising a child is a duel act, especially more so when you are both living together. Shared responsibilities.. These days there isn't anything wrong for one partner to work, the other taking care of the household, cooking and child. Sounds though that basically you are doing the whole lot. I don't have children, but I have been exactly where you are. I was married just over 7 years, my ex had a back injury.. Then had a second one, whilst attempting still to work... Don't know why, I mean I know that the injuiries were real, but seeing as i had also had an injury a year before I met him, and the capabilities that I could do, verses what he could do, there was something that didn't add up. So, yes, I was in your position, worked, he didn't , cooked, he didn't, cleaned, he didn't, gardens, animals, you name it, until I got fed up seeing him watching what he wanted on TV, nothing I would watch, loudly, over a few drinks, whilst i prepared food at 8pm at night, having just got home from work, watering gardens and feeding the pets, ... You do lose your sex drive, one cause your tired, but two because you can't fathem the touch, you have a sense of "yuck" about it. Mine was also not a passionate person. Apart from the fact he has made excuse after excuse about working, doesn't lend a hand at home, and "expects/uses and abuses" your position, I would hassed at a guess that he was never passionate, and never really helped you even when he was working. And, that you thought, perhaps it was because he worked. I think my reveled in the fact that he didn't have to... And just had a selfish nature. I think you may have what I had, a Batchelor of sorts. Non giving, non caring and wam bam? Don't do it.. Just makes you feel degraded and yet again giving, but not receiving.... Frankly you can do better on your own than what you are doing now, even if you couldn't work full time. CW. __________________ Women are Angels And when someone breaks our wings.... We simply continue to fly.........on a broomstick... We are flexible like that .... White Witch. Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

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12-03-2008, 03:21 AM	#2
N01 Banned from WH Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 809	I'm a guy, so take my point of view with a grain of salt... but I think you are being taken advantage of. If he's gonna stay home then he needs to be the house husband, do the laundry, shopping, cleaning and have the meals ready. If he's not doing any of that, then (in my opinion) you need to tell him to start or else get his lazy self back out and working for real. just sitting at home in close proximity to a baby isn't the same as taking care of one.

12-03-2008, 06:20 PM	#4
emilie Junior Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Posts: 6	thanks guys, its given me a bit of clarity hearing it from someone else. its just become so exhausting and warring me out.

12-14-2008, 03:30 PM	#5
Tuesday VIP Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: UK Posts: 44	An old bf of mine has a stay at home with the kiddies arrangement with his now wife, and it works well as far as I can see. He does do all the things around the home that needs to be done, and he's into cooking so he does all of that. It sounds like your guy is just being mummied by you but not giving anything back. So don't mummy him anymore....don't pick up after him or cook for him just prepare a meal for yourself and the baby, do the laundry for yourself and baby etc etc...he'll soon get the hint!