To tell or not to tell????

**white ant** · 05-22-2010 10:36 AM

Hey, I have a certain problem that most of you might have experienced. My friend is crazy in love with her bf which is a great thing ofcourse

. but it becomes not so great when her bf starts hitting on me

. Right now we are currently busy with our exams and I know how devastating this would be to her, but as her best friend, I get to listen to how good and romantic he is and and and.........It's killing me. So I don't know whether to tell her or not. Help

!!!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-22-2010 04:14 PM

white ant, how is he hitting on you?

See I remember being young

And, I made the fatal mistake of telling my girlfriends "all" about my boyfriend, and it landed with my girlfriend, sleeping with my boyfriend.. because obviously, she was curious and I had painted a picture, one that she liked.

So, he may be a flirt, or he may realise your her best friend and mucks around, or he may be hitting on you.

But, I'm also wondering if you don't mind him too much?

Which is normal.. so can you give us some examples about how he hits on you?

CW

**white ant** · 05-23-2010 01:04 AM

Hey CW. Well you see they are in a long distance relationship, and whenever he visits her they always come to my room to chill you know. She trusts me to an extend where she doesn't mind leaving him with me. Especially when she goes to her room to cook and because I know what happens when she leaves I always suggest that he went with her just to give her a hand and her favourite response would "don't be ridiculous". He'd tell me that he really likes me and thinks that my friend is a bit childish for him. He then managed to get my number a few months back and Im telling you my phone is ringing non stop. No matter how many times I threaten to tell her he doesn't stop. And now I don't know if I should really tell her because she is a very emotional person.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-23-2010 01:28 AM

Well, sounds to me that she is in love with the idea of "being in-love", but he is not that into her..

If, he tells you he likes you, he's hitting on you. If he tells you "she" is too childish for him, then he's putting her down don't you think? And, perhaps using her as well and I wouldn't be suprised if he has other girls elsewhere, like where he lives.

Did you give him your number? Have you texted back to him?

You have to see what it is that you will be telling her in-other-words.. That he is putting her down and hitting on you, or he is putting her down to get you to perhaps kiss etc, and you fell for him as well a little and gave your number.

Trouble is off course, you have to know what you are going to say, because if it's the later you will lose a friend. In that case, I would tell him straight out she's your friend, that's it, if he doesn't stop your changing your phone number and your not stupid either, so go and chase some other girls like you do at home and leave my girlfriend whilst your at it, because your cheap and she deserves better..

CW

**white ant** · 05-23-2010 02:08 AM

You know when it all started I thought it was a joke. I don't know how he got hold of my number but when he got it he invited me on mxit to chat and I thought it was innocent chat. He joked about him coming over at my home and before I knew it he was inviting me to his place. He schools in Pretoria and I am from Pretoria and he knows. Saying that when I go home we must meet secretely in town just the two of us and that I should'nt tell my friend. This happened two days ago. Deleting him on mxit does'nt help because he calls nand smses me and I don't text him back. I do not like him and the disgusting part is that he knows my boyfriend.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-23-2010 02:45 AM

Well, do you have two fears here? I to tell your friend and second to tell your boyfriend?

I would actually immediately tell your boyfriend exactly what you just wrote, because this guy "will" try to make it sound different and as you have nothing to hide, you need to tell now, not later or it will look that way.

You may lose your friend for the interim, maybe if she doesn't believe you, that he is such a jerk, but when she realises she will be back...

But, I think talk to your boyfriend first, immediately and tell him, it's normal to be nieve in a situation like this, you came from the same place, he was going out with your friend... it's natural to be-friend.. But, when someone crosses the line and your in a relationship, the first person that needs and would want to know is him, it's called trust value and never keeping secrets.

Then talk together on how to handle the situation, with your friend.

Personally, I would have "him" tell his mate, to back off and also leave your friend....She deserves better than that.

CW

**WildChild** · 05-23-2010 07:01 AM

You hold off telling your gf until finals are over.
Also, you can get this guy to stop but you have mean it and sound like it. Don't try to be "nice". Tell him to get lost in no uncertain terms.

**white ant** · 05-24-2010 08:05 AM

Thank you so much for the advice. Ill tell my boyfriend first and maybe together we can come up with a better way of telling my friend after our exam period. But I must say seeing how happy she gets after talking to him really kills me inside. Thank you WC and CW for the support.

**Joey** · 05-24-2010 08:23 AM

Originally Posted by WildChild

You hold off telling your gf until finals are over.
Also, you can get this guy to stop but you have mean it and sound like it. Don't try to be "nice". Tell him to get lost in no uncertain terms.

totally agreed!