OK, well....good news, the lump is gone. I think it might have come up as a result of irritation from trying to have sex...maybe a hair follicle or something....I don't know. But, it's mostly gone away, so much that I couldn't remember where I had found it to begin with. Also, I started my period about 4 days early, maybe it's hormone related.
As for the relaxation thing....yes, you are right, of course. I used to have trouble having an orgasm because I was so tense...now I have no trouble at all.

My sweetie is darling, he has really slowed down to help me relax, and he even tells me beforehand that we are just taking it slow, no pressure, we're just going to do what feels good. he is convinced that he can ease me around---he's very patient and attentive...and very determined...and a cuddler, so even though at first I thought our relationship would suffer, it has actually gotten stronger...we both realize that sex is not the be-all-end-all of romantic contact--we need physical affection regardless.
At any rate--he has said he would buy my a vibrator if I wanted one, but I don't know. I have also considered the fact that I may need some kind of procedure...I do notice trouble inserting tampons sometimes...they have to go in just the right way, or it hurts. There is a walk in clinic here, but it isnt really walk in...I'd have to make an appointment ahead of time. I have been thinking of going there for that, and because they give out free birth control.
The other thing I was considering is that perhaps I have a cyst/fibroid? I looked up some of the symptoms, and I have quite a few of them. I'll just have to get looked at, I think.
And...I have considered the female condoms, but no pharmacies sell them here. I think I may have to order them online. But the website has very little info about purchasing them. Grr.
Thanks for the input!