You won't get answers tonight, i say tonight cause i am in Australia and everyone else is sleeping.
I tried lube with my ex husband when we tried to get back together couple years ago, (bad mistake) another story.
And, I was red roar, sore, in pain, etc, etc...
So, possibly you are very "sensitive" ...
Why not try a birth control pill or method of safety if you feel your safe with your boyfriend "exclusively"?
And, foreplay more so that you don't need all that lube.
There are lubes and people will tell you what they use, where they have had simular problems.
Unfortunately or fortunately, I have never needed it, except that one time where I was concerned over, condoms...
But it seems to be a never ending nightmare for people and I am sure you will certainly get answers..