Painful sex - any ideas?

stormwatcher · 11-21-2009, 11:39 PM

I have been married for two and a half years, and prior to my marriage, I had not had much sexual experience, at least when it came to intercourse.

Ever since we got married and started having sex, we have never been able to do it for more than a few minutes before I have to stop because I cannot tolerate the pain. It is all vaginal pain, nothing abdominal. He can only get inside me about halfway before it feels like there is a wall there. Not only that, but anywhere inside me that does come in contact with his penis, well, it's very sore. The opening to my vagina, the sides, everything, it's all sore. Because of all this, obviously, our sex life suffers. I make it up to him with a lot of oral and manual action, etc., but we're married and we want to be able to have pleasurable sex during which I'm not grimacing and holding my breath in agony.

We have tried various lubes and positions. Nothing helps. We have tried using smaller vibrators and dildos on me to get my vagina more open, but even those are painful and they don't help much at all. I am able to orgasm through clitoral stimulation, but when it comes to penetration, it's just not happening.

I was diagnosed with type II diabetes several weeks ago. Does anyone know if this could be contributing to my problem? I am now on medication for it.

All I know is that it's very embarrassing to discuss, because I'll be 30 in two months and I still cannot successfully have sex with my husband. I am lucky that he is a patient man and sticks with me through this. He never complains even though he has every right to do so. I just want to be able to have a normal sex life. Does anyone know what could be causing this and have you had any similar experiences?

**LanaBear** · 11-21-2009, 11:48 PM

I was going to ask if he was "large"... But you said you have tried using smaller things to penetrate. What about a finger? Have you tried feeling around in there yourself, to see if there is anything that doesn't feel right?

Has it been like this with your other partners or just him? I know you said you had not had much sexual experience prior to him, were you a virgin?

Have you talked to your gyno about this?

I feel for you, that's not something you really want to deal with, but at least he's understanding about it.

stormwatcher · 11-21-2009, 11:59 PM

No, he's a normal sized guy, not big or small. And yeah, even the smaller dildos bother me, so it's not him. I had never let a guy inside me until him, but even when I tried masturbating when I was younger, I had trouble inserting anything. Tampons, too, are nearly impossible for me.

The first time I went to the gynecologist years ago, she actually had to use a "child size" speculum on me, and even that was painful.

I was just doing some searching on Google and I'm guessing this could be vaginismus. I just have no idea how you go about correcting the problem.

I see an acupuncturist, but so far have not mentioned any of the sex problems to her. I am planning to do so next time I see her.

I do not currently see a gynecologist because we have no insurance. I have a doctor at a discount clinic, but she just does basic physicals and I don't know what she could do for me as far as this goes.

It's all so frustrating. I have no idea what "good sex" feels like. I really wish I did.

**LanaBear** · 11-23-2009, 12:00 AM

Wow, well, I'm sorry I don't have any better advice for you, but I really hope it is something that you can get worked out.

I can only imagine how frustrating it may be for the both of you.

**Mes_T** · 11-23-2009, 12:54 AM

Yeah it sounds like this has got to be an actual medical problem as opposed to anything else. Gosh that insurance thing just pisses me off. You're in the states, I presume? :-/ Blaaargghh, those s*** heads!!

Edit: Ah yeah you are, just saw your location. When do you think you'll be able to get some insurance?

In the meantime I guess you'd have to make due with oral/manual, for both of you, and try to have fun doing so! Work on those techniques while you wait!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-23-2009, 02:23 AM

It's not un-common to not be able to accomodate even a tampon.

But, it's also mindset, you have to realise that you can expand...

Seeing all you've gone through your minds is conditioned to it won't work.

So try yourself again, slowly, ever so slowly and relax a little.

CW

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-23-2009, 02:26 AM

PS: I know our administrator has some insight on this, unfortunately she's not available directly, but if you send a Vistors Message to Little she may be able to give you alot more insight to help you.. When she returns

CW

IleneMaze · 11-23-2009, 10:37 AM

What you are experiencing is a real condition that is often dismissed by regular gynecologists but can be easily treated and quickly resolved. Look up Vaginismus on google -you'll find many sites where it is discussed and various treatments are reviewed.
Everyone thinks that lube will do the trick but usually the treatment requires seeing a specialist and the use of dilators. Specialists will start you off with small sized dilators that may be uncomfortable. Our patients have described using them for 10 minutes/day for a few weeks, gradually increasing the size of the dilators until you can accomodate something inside without pain. See our website Female Sexuality Medical Center in New York (NY) - Sexual Disorders. We are a treatment center but cannot treat over the web or by email; but our site may have some info. This problem absolutely can be solved; you have to find the right practitioner. Do not ignore it. See the testimonials on our site and others to see you are not alone, it is not in your head, and there are practitioners who can help. I see you don't have insurance. On the web, find vaginal dilators and try doing this yourself. 10 mins/day wtih the smallest. Also use a good lube (I am not a dr. so I can't recommend one but other sites may be able to suggest some that work well with the stretching exercises from dilators) Best of luck! Remember, it's not in your head. This is a real thing that can be treated.
Ilene

11-21-2009, 11:39 PM	#1
stormwatcher Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: USA Posts: 2	Painful sex - any ideas? I have been married for two and a half years, and prior to my marriage, I had not had much sexual experience, at least when it came to intercourse. Ever since we got married and started having sex, we have never been able to do it for more than a few minutes before I have to stop because I cannot tolerate the pain. It is all vaginal pain, nothing abdominal. He can only get inside me about halfway before it feels like there is a wall there. Not only that, but anywhere inside me that does come in contact with his penis, well, it's very sore. The opening to my vagina, the sides, everything, it's all sore. Because of all this, obviously, our sex life suffers. I make it up to him with a lot of oral and manual action, etc., but we're married and we want to be able to have pleasurable sex during which I'm not grimacing and holding my breath in agony. We have tried various lubes and positions. Nothing helps. We have tried using smaller vibrators and dildos on me to get my vagina more open, but even those are painful and they don't help much at all. I am able to orgasm through clitoral stimulation, but when it comes to penetration, it's just not happening. I was diagnosed with type II diabetes several weeks ago. Does anyone know if this could be contributing to my problem? I am now on medication for it. All I know is that it's very embarrassing to discuss, because I'll be 30 in two months and I still cannot successfully have sex with my husband. I am lucky that he is a patient man and sticks with me through this. He never complains even though he has every right to do so. I just want to be able to have a normal sex life. Does anyone know what could be causing this and have you had any similar experiences?

11-21-2009, 11:48 PM	#2
LanaBear WH Moderator Breakout Champion! Moon Lander Champion! Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Cinderella's Castle! ;-) Posts: 3,136 Blog Entries: 6	I was going to ask if he was "large"... But you said you have tried using smaller things to penetrate. What about a finger? Have you tried feeling around in there yourself, to see if there is anything that doesn't feel right? Has it been like this with your other partners or just him? I know you said you had not had much sexual experience prior to him, were you a virgin? Have you talked to your gyno about this? I feel for you, that's not something you really want to deal with, but at least he's understanding about it. __________________ Sometimes life isn't the party we hoped for, but since we're here, we might as well DANCE! Life isn't about finding* yourself. Life is about creating yourself.* Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

11-23-2009, 12:00 AM	#4
LanaBear WH Moderator Breakout Champion! Moon Lander Champion! Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Cinderella's Castle! ;-) Posts: 3,136 Blog Entries: 6	Wow, well, I'm sorry I don't have any better advice for you, but I really hope it is something that you can get worked out. I can only imagine how frustrating it may be for the both of you. __________________ Sometimes life isn't the party we hoped for, but since we're here, we might as well DANCE! Life isn't about finding* yourself. Life is about creating yourself.* Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

11-23-2009, 02:23 AM	#6
CHANDLERS WISH WH Head Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 11,974 Blog Entries: 8	It's not un-common to not be able to accomodate even a tampon. But, it's also mindset, you have to realise that you can expand... Seeing all you've gone through your minds is conditioned to it won't work. So try yourself again, slowly, ever so slowly and relax a little. CW __________________ Do we not realise that in order to find a soul It doesn't happen over night if truth were to be told Like everything in life that's hard to achieve you must believe! Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

11-23-2009, 02:26 AM	#7
CHANDLERS WISH WH Head Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 11,974 Blog Entries: 8	PS: I know our administrator has some insight on this, unfortunately she's not available directly, but if you send a Vistors Message to Little she may be able to give you alot more insight to help you.. When she returns CW __________________ Do we not realise that in order to find a soul It doesn't happen over night if truth were to be told Like everything in life that's hard to achieve you must believe! Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

11-21-2009, 11:59 PM	#3
stormwatcher Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: USA Posts: 2	No, he's a normal sized guy, not big or small. And yeah, even the smaller dildos bother me, so it's not him. I had never let a guy inside me until him, but even when I tried masturbating when I was younger, I had trouble inserting anything. Tampons, too, are nearly impossible for me. The first time I went to the gynecologist years ago, she actually had to use a "child size" speculum on me, and even that was painful. I was just doing some searching on Google and I'm guessing this could be vaginismus. I just have no idea how you go about correcting the problem. I see an acupuncturist, but so far have not mentioned any of the sex problems to her. I am planning to do so next time I see her. I do not currently see a gynecologist because we have no insurance. I have a doctor at a discount clinic, but she just does basic physicals and I don't know what she could do for me as far as this goes. It's all so frustrating. I have no idea what "good sex" feels like. I really wish I did.

11-23-2009, 12:54 AM	#5
Mes_T Gold Contributor 500+ Posts Snake Champion! Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 716	Yeah it sounds like this has got to be an actual medical problem as opposed to anything else. Gosh that insurance thing just pisses me off. You're in the states, I presume? :-/ Blaaargghh, those s*** heads!! Edit: Ah yeah you are, just saw your location. When do you think you'll be able to get some insurance? In the meantime I guess you'd have to make due with oral/manual, for both of you, and try to have fun doing so! Work on those techniques while you wait!

11-23-2009, 10:37 AM	#8
IleneMaze Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 1	It's called Vaginismus: it' What you are experiencing is a real condition that is often dismissed by regular gynecologists but can be easily treated and quickly resolved. Look up Vaginismus on google -you'll find many sites where it is discussed and various treatments are reviewed. Everyone thinks that lube will do the trick but usually the treatment requires seeing a specialist and the use of dilators. Specialists will start you off with small sized dilators that may be uncomfortable. Our patients have described using them for 10 minutes/day for a few weeks, gradually increasing the size of the dilators until you can accomodate something inside without pain. See our website Female Sexuality Medical Center in New York (NY) - Sexual Disorders. We are a treatment center but cannot treat over the web or by email; but our site may have some info. This problem absolutely can be solved; you have to find the right practitioner. Do not ignore it. See the testimonials on our site and others to see you are not alone, it is not in your head, and there are practitioners who can help. I see you don't have insurance. On the web, find vaginal dilators and try doing this yourself. 10 mins/day wtih the smallest. Also use a good lube (I am not a dr. so I can't recommend one but other sites may be able to suggest some that work well with the stretching exercises from dilators) Best of luck! Remember, it's not in your head. This is a real thing that can be treated. Ilene Last edited by IleneMaze; 11-23-2009 at 10:41 AM. Reason: re-read her op

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
need ideas	jessie22696	Fitness	6	07-06-2009 01:36 PM
any ideas?	withered_rose	Menstrual Cycle	1	09-12-2008 06:51 PM
Anyone have any ideas..Please help!!!	kissy	Relationships	2	10-22-2007 09:22 AM
Any ideas??	imported_aidabonita	Weight Loss	4	11-12-2006 09:00 PM
New ideas?!	imported_princess	Beauty Tips	1	03-10-2006 10:23 AM