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Reply With QuoteCan you just use condoms and abstain when/if you get a breakout? Seems you two could just communicate and be careful and everything would be fine.
Scared, feel hopeless.
I dont want to make this to long so how I got this I will make short. I dated a 35 year old man, that I wanted to spend my life with. After about 6 months of being together he was getting sick constantly so the doctor ordered a blood test for everything possible. He found he had HSV2, he told me right away. I feel I got it before him and I even knew he had it but I didnt have any symptoms like warts, I had itchy discharge, redness, and swelling. I can remember the exact time and place he told me and can also remember exactly what I said. I told him that its okay, I still love him and want to be with him, that I dont care what he has. I asked him if he wanted to be with me for a lifetime and if he loved me, he said yes. I said then what you have doesnt matter.
Of course, I contracted HSV2, I had blood work done by my gyno and I do have it. Him and I are no longer together, he ended things. I am torn apart, I would really like to punch him in the face and scream at him. They say that HSV2 gives such mental distress and it really does. Its been 8-9 months since him and I have been together. I really want a relationship, I like being with someone and having a bond with a person.
I recently met someone and after a couple weeks of talking, I did tell him what I have and how I got it. He said he would accept me and it and that well work around it, but how is there anyway of working around this. According to the CDC, "It is important to know that even if a person does not have any symptoms he or she can still infect sex partners." I feel so horrible inside, how can I ever be with someone knowing that I will eventually give this to them, it will crush me to know I hurt someone. Nor do I want anyone to go thru the pain I have been put through, thats so unfair. I feel like I deserve to be alone and with no one. I feel tainted, like the Scarlett Letter.
I really like this new guy I met, he is so different from anyone that I have ever been with. But, how can I possibly hurt him. I just want to tell him I cant do this and run away. I feel like I should just be by myself or wait and find someone who already has hsv2 so I wont be hurting them. I know Im rambling but dealing with this is such a big stress in itself.
Its a very difficult disease to deal with, I had one outbreak, it was small and havent had any since. I also have been on Valtrex but it gave me bad mood swings and my symptoms were gone and have been gone so I havent taken it since the first outbreak.
One of the other difficult things to deal with is the stigmatism that comes with it, if a person that doesnt know me found out I had it, they would presume I sleep around, when I never have. Im a person who has always been monogamous in relationships, Im very committed, overly caring and understanding. I just feel like and dont know what to do about this guy that Im now talking to.
Can you just use condoms and abstain when/if you get a breakout? Seems you two could just communicate and be careful and everything would be fine.
After reading the CDC info on it, I felt very confused about everything. In one area it says use condoms and in another area it says you can give it to people. Maybe I'm reading it wrong, do you think its saying that even if there is no symptoms that you should still use a condom? I wouldnt have sex without a condom because of never wanting to hurt someone.
Look I understand what you are going through and how you must feel at the moment.
I can suggest few things to you. When you have an outbreak you will just have to back off and not have any intercourse. When you have an outbreak, take warm baths and showers, wear loose clothing and always 100% cotton panties. Once it is gone, wait about 3 weeks and then start using condoms. Please remember that condoms do help but they are not 100% always effective. This is your life and yes it is reality, you have to stay positive and think positive at all times. Take it slow with this ''possible'' new partner and if you have explained everything to him correctly and he has accepted you the way you are then you really should not feel like you should be alone by yourself for the rest of your life. Sometimes we trust people and yes they do let us down not always but SOMETIMES it does happen, and it happened to you. It could have happened to anyone out there. There is many innocent women/men who get stuck with an STD and didn't even sleep around. Yes STD stands for sexually transmitted disease and when people hear that word they automatically make a face and think " Yeah they are dirty and sleep around" but come on we all know that is not true (never judge the book by it's cover). Just like your previous partner told you he had HSV2 and you accepted him for who he was not for what he had. You didn't ask for this no one did you really should not think that this new partner will think of you as a woman who likes to sleep around with other men. No you should never ever think that. You have a good heart and I am sure someone will notice your wonderful personality like the guy who you have been talking to did. Live your life to the fullest and take it easy. Remember It is also important that you keep your immune system as healthy as possible, since outbreaks are most likely to occur when you're run down. Eat a healthful diet, get enough sleep, exercise regularly. If you are a smoker try to cut down or even better quit and when you feel like having a drink stick with one, two the most. Take baby steps with this partner and make sure when you two decide to have intercourse that it is something you both want and are ready to take on any after risks. Everything is a risk, life its self is a risk.
Best of luck,
Kathy
Search the internet for natural treatments for HSV. It is claimed that the disease cannot be cured but as someone who also has HSV I have found ways to control it for myself.
Yes, I understand that feeling you get when you think you could pass this on to some other person, but I used to get blisters every month at the time of my menses. I have used red marine algae tablets in the past to help shorten the outbreak period but for the last month I have used the tablets every day and I did not have an outbreak my last menses.
I have also read about lysine and other options but I have no problem with using red marine algae. I suspect this may not be the case for every individual. I'd much rather be taking RMA the rest of my life than be someone who has to take prescription medicine for diabetes, hypertension, etc.
Your whole post just conveyed a whole lot of anxiety and stress. These factors make the management of HSV worse, and make life worse in general. Life is too short to live in this state.
JustMe, I definitely understand where you're coming from. I identified with a lot of the things you said. Sorry this is rather long.
I contracted GHSV-1 about 10 months ago via oral sex with someone who had asymptomatic cold sores. Someone who didn't even have an STD gave me an STD. Great. I went through an anxiety-filled emotional roller coaster, lost weight and spent my evenings in front of my laptop on WebMD with my handheld mirror. I only had one outbreak, the initial one, with no blisters, only ulcerated skin that I couldn't even see without contorting myself into a pretzel. I chowed down all the lysine I could, took vitamins, avoided alcohol and all the other nonsense they tell us herpesfolk to stay away from.
It took me a few months to realize that yeah, herpes sucks, and nothing is ever going to compare to that moment when my doctor said to me, my legs in the stirrups, "I think it's a herpes outbreak," but it's really not a big deal.
It got me to thinking back on my health education classes in middle and high school and the fact that it was beaten into my skull that STDs were bad. That's it.. just BAD. I was never told that regular people got them, like moms or sisters or best friends. I was never informed of the types of treatments available - antibiotics, antivirals, etc. I was just told, as I'm sure most others were, that STDs are dirty and nasty and dirty and nasty people got them. It's really no wonder why it can have horrible mental effects on people like us.
50-80% of the population has HSV-1 (mostly orally). 25% has HSV-2. Wow. That's a lot of dirty, nasty folks out there. Hmm.. it would seem as though one without either type of the disease is in the minority here. In my opinion, STDs should be taught as being an unfortunate, but very real and VERY COMMON part of being a sexually active being. You leave the house every single day running the risk of catching a cold or strep or swine flu! Honestly, why is it still such a shock that slapping uglies (protected or not) with someone can and does result in catching something?
I met someone I really liked the week I was diagnosed. Lovely timing, right? I felt like I was lying to him with each date that passed that I didn't tell him. I finally worked up to it and told him. He responded with "Oh god, I thought you were going to say you were dying of cancer or something!" He was fine with it and 10 months later, he still is. He did have to reassure me constantly in the beginning, that he is a big boy and can worry about himself and that he was making the decision to be with me regardless of what was going on with my ladyparts. He has oral HSV-1 from cold sores as a kid anyway, so we don't use condoms, though I do still take Valtrex daily to satisfy my own paranoia about getting another outbreak.
You, just like anyone with or without an STD, deserve to have a fulfilling sex life and loving relationship. Please don't let this change the way you feel about yourself. I know it's easier said than felt I guess, but you're certainly NOT tainted. You're still you. And I've heard a lot of people with H say that it has changed them for the better. They're more aware of their health and their bodies and it's like a built-in jerk filter! Anyone who won't accept you for the person that you are because of a silly skin virus doesn't deserve your time.
THANK YOU, for all your encouraging words, they have helped me and its nice to know if I am feeling down I can come back here and read those words again. I did tell the guy that I have been talking to, I couldnt do it face to face and did it through a text message. His first text was really, I said yes. And he said Okay I can accept that. It worried me he was saying okay just to be nice or because he couldnt be mean, not because he actually didnt mind. I did talk to him about it and do understand he knows the facts and has made his decision to keep seeing me. I also called my gyno and asked her all types of questions because the CDC page is very confusing. Thankful she talked to me and answered all of my questions, she also thought I was very responsible for telling him what I have. That made me feel good also, every little bit helps. He has asked a lot of questions and I have answered them all. He admitted he was scared but I wont let him rush anything, guys seem to like rushing certain things. We will see how things go, hopefully well.
About outbreaks I have only had one since I got this, I didnt know chocolate or alcohol can help you get outbreaks. The alcohol part I have no problem with, Im not a big drinker, just dont think its overly fun like others. I like to know where I am and have control not be confused and liable to get hurt. The chocolate is a whole other story, I eat at least a piece of chocolate a day, for example even if its a hershey kiss, I eat some type of chocolate. I have noticed my own body does react differently to things then most others. On the other hand eating healthy isnt a problem I was raised always eating healthy, so Im picky about food.
Just wanted to say thanks again for everything! Everyone on here is really awesome and Im glad I found this site!
So glad to hear you told him and he's okay with it! Now the two of you can ride horses through pretty fields together, just like on the Valtrex commercials.
Yeah, the whole chocolate and alcohol thing.. not to mention all of the other things you're supposed to stay away from. If I could offer one piece of advice, it would be to avoid reading too much into other people's experiences with the virus. Everyone's bodies react differently. And unfortunately, I think a lot of people plagued by this tend to make desperate associations between the food they eat and their pattern of outbreaks, in order to have a sense of control. I would spend way too much time online reading about people who said their outbreaks were trigged by alcohol, nuts, chocolate, sex, the sun, shaving.. and the list goes on. I slowly realized that I could eat/do all of these things and it still never affected me.
It's all about trial and error and just continuing to live. Just keep up your immune system as you normally would. I'm definitely not going to let some stupid virus tell me I can't eat a Twix bar or drink wine or enjoy some sexytime with the bf.
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