Uncertain

**Wifey3306** · 01-11-2010 02:31 PM

I have been 40 yrs old for 42 days and the past three weeks have been a nightmare. I have never had children, married 4 yrs this coming March. As of today my doctor has recommended that my uterus be removed. I have several fibriod tumors, endometriousis and adnomyosis. I had been bleeding like crazy for two 1/2 weeks, in sever pain. During uterus exams I want to leap off the table.

The bleeding is under control for now with medication but it is only a quick fix. My hubby and I always talked about adoption now all of a sudden he wants to have a child. After long talks with several doctors over the past few weeks and the risk at age 40 with possible birth defects and additional problems I could face. I don't want to take that risk. But I also don't want to lose my hubby or have him hate me for not trying.

My question is: Is there anyone who has faced this issue and if so what did you do?

Or better What decison is this the right decison?

Sincerely

**hope4Kathy** · 01-11-2010 11:16 PM

I am sorry for all of the things you are going thru. I am not a person who is facing such issue but I wanted to wish you the best of luck, and you have to stay strong no matter what. Sometimes talking to a close family member might help and talking to your husband about your feelings and what you are going thru at the moment might also help a bit. I understand that your husband changed his mind and wants you two to have a child, but if you talked to several doctors and they said you may have possible birth defects and additional problems you could face it's a risk you might not want to take. We all want to have a baby at some point of our lives but it is not always something our body is capable of doing. I am not sure if it is possible to arrange with your surgeons to remove and freeze some of your eggs. You will need to discuss this situation with a fertility specialist. Your husband needs to understand your situation and the things you are going thru. It is very hard to make everyone happy, but your health comes first no matter what.

Best of luck,
Please keep me updated and let me know if you get a chance to go a talk to a fertility specialist.

Kathy

**Mes T** · 01-11-2010 11:59 PM

Here's how I see it.

Option 1: Have a child "of your own" (an overrated phrase in my opinion) at the risk of complications to you, your child, and all the ways that could affect you financially and emotionally. All because your husband suddenly wants to pass on his genes...?

Option 2: Give a home to a child who is already on this earth, who is in desperate need of YOU.

I know it's not that simple, but that's one way of looking at it.

Best of luck to you, and stay healthy!!

**p3375** · 01-12-2010 02:17 AM

Sorry to hear you're having so many problems. Your post made me wonder, does your husband have any understanding of what you are going through at all? Sounds as if he has a strong selfish streak and isn't being realistic.
I'll bet if you asked your doc's opionion about becoming pregnant, he'd strongly advise against. In the end, it's your decision, but I'd say with your age and existing health problems, the chances of a successful delivery and healthy baby are....well, not as good as one would hope.

As others have said, your health matters.
P

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-12-2010 02:57 AM

May I say get a second and if need be a third opinion that way you know this is your only choice.

I assume you have mentioned this to your husband after all your in alot of pain and was hit with devistating news. I would imagine he is really saying check first as it has hit him as it has you. Some people can't communicate what they really feel.

Go down the first path and then explain the results and take it from there.

Some Doctors go with symptons and just advise, others look into it further and have other recommendations before you take those drastic steps because they love what they do and seek all answers, not just a text from a book.

CW

**sourpuss** · 01-12-2010 07:51 AM

Originally Posted by Mes_T

Here's how I see it.

Option 1: Have a child "of your own" (an overrated phrase in my opinion) at the risk of complications to you, your child, and all the ways that could affect you financially and emotionally. All because your husband suddenly wants to pass on his genes...?

Option 2: Give a home to a child who is already on this earth, who is in desperate need of YOU.

I know it's not that simple, but that's one way of looking at it.

Best of luck to you, and stay healthy!!

Agreed, on all accounts.
I think adoption is so important.

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