Nearly cried in my first gyno appt today!

**DaisyJaine** · 07-27-2011 10:43 PM

Today, I went to my very first gynecologist appointment (I'm 18). It was so incredibly horrible and I just need some advice/support.

So, first I met her and she took me into her office. Her manner/demeanor seemed kind of cold. I didn't feel comfortable asking her questions and when I told her I hadn't had sex and didn't plan on having sex in the near future (which is true), she didn't seem to believe me. I told her that I would like to take birth control pills to regulate my menstrual cycle and reduce my premenstrual symptoms (like debilitating cramps and acne). She did not give me options for birth control, she did not go over anything else. She just said ok.

Then, I went into the exam room, where she (again very coldly) told me to get undressed and put on the gown and drape.

She came back nearly 15 minutes later with a plastic bag. After the breast exam (where I tried to make light conversation, by saying it kind of tickled),she started to do the pelvic exam. As I had never been to a gynecologist, I didn't know where exactly to put my feet, which seemed to really irritate her.

Then, she sat down and started to "do her work". I had no idea what she was doing. All I knew was that it hurt really, really bad and it felt like she had just forcefully shoved something into me.I started to tense up and she just said relax your muscles. When I didn't do it right away, she repeated herself in an annoyed tone. She continued in her really fast manner, which hurt so bad. So, I said "ow, that really hurts." She then got up really abruptly and got some lube, which she put on her finger. It felt like she just jammed her finger into my vagina, which also hurt really bad and I knew she could tell I was in pain. By the time she was done, I was in tears and doing everything I could to not cry. She kept saying things like, "I don't know why you have cramps since I couldn't see anything" or "I would have really liked to see your cervix". Just things that made it sound like she resented me for not letting her do her stuff.

She started to explain the birth control pill samples she brought very, very quickly. I asked her a question and she just snapped at me. So, I was even closer to crying, when she was giving me instructions and I had no idea what to do. She gave me a piece of paper, which she told me to give to the checkout lady and left.

On the ride home with my mom, I was doing everything I could not to start balling.

Are gynecologists normally this cold and rude?

Please, I just need some support from you kind ladies.

**Charleena** · 07-28-2011 12:29 AM

No. Gynecologists are supposed to be reassuring, kind, and do their best to make you feel comfortable. For all women, one of those appointments are stressful, embarrassing, and overall an uncomfortable situation. How your gynecologist treated you is extremely rude and inappropriate. You didn't do anything wrong and she was handling you in too much of an uncaring manner and it's very unprofessional to do. If you truly felt uncomfortable during your appointment and believe that she didn't take care of you well, you really should mention a complaint at the main office of the building. Rude and harsh gynecologists are not any kind of physician a woman wants to encounter, and it should be made clear at the main office that this doctor truly does not fit the position.

Next time you have a gyno appointment, be sure to schedule it with a different doctor.

I hope this helps you and that you're feeling better.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 07-28-2011 12:38 AM

Hello sweet,

Often bulk billing surgeries, never see their patients again, therefore, never develop a relationship and yes, come across cold.

Also, they have so many patients to see, they over load themselves with work and become irratible, tired.

Or, she was honestly opinionated, and didn't believe you which is silly you are 18.

NO, they are not all like that.

Usually, a gyno would, especially given you told her that you were a Virgin, put lube there and tell you where to put your legs and tell you what they are going to do, take a swab, the metal may be a bit cold, it may be un-comfortable but that's all so relax.

The pill is hard to judge it's a trial and error thing, you'll have to see after a few months of taking them if they have helped you...

Did she explain how to take them, when to start, why you take sugar pills?

Where are you from as in Country because the pill seems different here in Aussie land and what did she prescribe to you?

Sorry you went through that... Try to find a "family" Doctor next time.

Welcome to the Forum....

**Beautiful Disaster** · 07-28-2011 06:23 AM

No, absolutely not and entirely unacceptable in my opinion. This is an area in which women NEED to be as comfortable as possible. My first obgyn was like this as well (actually now that I think about it, the first and only female I ever went to). I too was 18 and she made me feel like total trash. I thought I was doing the responsible thing as I was in a serious relationship and had decided for it to become sexual. She was cold, unhelpful, made me feel dirty etc. I never went back. My friend recommended her doctor, and I was apprehensive to go to a male but 10 years later, I still go to him. I don't always agree with him (like when he told me my lack of libido couldn't be caused from my bc when I know for 100% certainty that it was), but he takes time to sit and talk and is gentle and understanding.

If you are going to make the decision to get on birth control, it needs to be a very well informed one. There are lots of things to know and be prepared for. You need a doctor you can talk to.

**Little** · 07-28-2011 09:14 AM

An exam, especially a manual one, doesn't have to be painful! And your gynecologist should NEVER be rude to you or disrespectful. Just like any other doctor!
Personally, if I had to choose a doctor based on just one attribute, I want the oldest one I can find. I want his MD to have been earned in, like, the 60's. The young doctors I see, male and female alike, have a bedside manner not fit for a chicken! They're rude, cruel, and rough, and I don't like them.
Another option is to find a Nurse Practitioner. In my experience, they have a better bedside manner and are more likely to stop and explain what they are doing for you.

**sarabear** · 07-28-2011 06:00 PM

Hi ladies- i am so glad I saw this thread! I recently had to go to a gyno for a cyst-related procedure, and it was honestly one of the worst experiences of my life. I was referred to this doctor by the E.R. doc. who helped me this past Sunday. I went in very nervous, as I've been in a LOT of pain from this condition. The doctor came in and pulled out my sutures with NO warning and NO numbing cream or anything...I just started sobbing and shaking right there in the stirrups. I'm not usually the crying type, but I was just so shocked and upset, and it was some of the worst pain I've ever felt. The doctor simply got up, took his gloves off, and LEFT. He didn't ask if i was okay or offer me a tissue or ANYTHING. He basically left me in the stirrups sitting in blood and crying, and a confused nurse came in 5 minutes later, handed me a maxi pad and told me I could go.Thank goodness my best friend was there to drive me home, because I was pretty much hysterical. I just feel so...violated almost, which I know sounds really melodramatic. I guess i just want to hear that he should've treated me better, and that I'm right to be upset!

**Beautiful Disaster** · 07-28-2011 06:49 PM

What happened to you sounds AWFUL sara. You ladies need to make complaints about these doctors. Don't tell yourself "it won't do any good" because you never know. This is inhumane treatment, plain down right awful. How many times do you think a man walks into a proctologist and is left bleeding and sobbing bent over a table? How many times do you think a man has something rammed in his rear end with no ease? Seriously ladies, we have to stand up for each others or these things won't change.

**WomensHealthFan** · 09-12-2011 05:10 PM

I totally agree with Beautiful Disaster... what they did was absolutely unprofessional and a disgrace to their profession. Gynecologists should be nurturing, supportive, and never pass judgment as talking about your female parts is a very intimate topic. You both did the right thing by going and I applaud you for your responisbility with your bodies and health.

To be able to vent or feel proactive, I would go on all the doctor rating sites and give them the reviews they deserve and also call and lodge a complaint. This will also help other women avoid having similar experiences. No doctor should act like this, no matter how busy or swamped they are.

**WomensHealthFan** · 09-12-2011 05:13 PM

Also, going to the gyno should not be embarrassing or uncomfortable. I actually enjoy going to mine as it makes me feel healthy and my doctor is very sweet and friendly. Definitely check reviews before you go to your next doctor to see other people's experience.

**stressed** · 09-13-2011 04:00 PM

That's horrible, it was definitely unprofessional and uncommon (if not cruel). I've been to many different gynecologists in three different countries and never experienced this (I'm saying this so you won't worry about them, as it's really really rare that you'll come across such a doctor again). Maybe she was having a bad day, maybe the previous patient annoyed her, maybe she just hates her job, had an argument with her husband, who knows. Don't book another appointment with her. In fact, why not visit another one within the next 6 months, so you won't develop a fear over them (I know someone who has a fear of dentists because of similar treatment and not changing the dentist for years).

Gynecologists are the most caring and kind doctors I go to, and like WomensHealthFan, I've started enjoying going to them (for the last few years I get so happy when they tell me I'm fine that I want to hug them, but shake their hands instead). They're always very careful and friendly as they understand it's not exactly comfortable to be checked by them. Just change doctor and you'll see the difference

Gynecologists are adorable.