New to board & PCOS

[katzintheclouds]

Hi ladies. I'm new to the boards but I joined because of some recent gyno issues that have popped up in the last year. I'm 26 & I've been seriously thinking about my future abilities to conceive & begin motherhood but the rest of my life has not caught up to that yet. I'm still in school but I graduate with a BA in December, so I see that as the major obstacle. I'll be in search of a job & floundering a little but I don't want to wait too long before I come to that part of my life. I just went to the doctor & had an ultrasound where my doc found cysts on my ovaries. She mentioned PCOS but I show no other symptoms except for the multiple cysts. Up until now my boyfriend & I had not been actively trying to have a child but have had unprotected sex on a routine basis. We have wondered a little how it hasn't happened yet even though we weren't TRYING because it seemed like "normal" couples would have come to that road by now. We felt that if it happened, we would bless it & welcome the chance but noticed that after 4 years together, we haven't even had a scare.

On my last visit, my doctor saw something suspicious on my left ovary that she mentioned MAY be the beginning of a dermoid cyst. I know this is pretty serious but she's so relaxed about it that I don't think I should be too worried. She doesn't want me to have a repeat ultrasound until December!

Can anyone relate?

[DSemcho]

I definitely can. I'm 23, and got diagnosed with PCOS in Oct 2009. I should have gotten diagnosed in Jul 05 when I went to the hospital with a ruptured cyst and they found them then, but they were to stubborn and didn't diagnose until they found my prolactin and testosterone levels were elevated. I lost my virginity about 5 1/2 years ago, I've had more than my fair share of partners, and for the most part have had unprotected sex, and I've only gotten pregnant once in my life, and that wasn't until January of this year. I lost it though at 5 weeks. It is definitely a hard thing to deal with, and I go to a bi-weekly group that helps me deal with both the miscarriage and the infertility. I have a sneaking suspicion as to what caused me to get pregnant, but I'm not 100% sure and I'm about to do that thing again and see if it happens. Me and my husband are not trying either, but we are not preventing it. If you ever need someone to talk to you can message me and I'll give you my FB info or yahoo info.

[katzintheclouds]

Thank you for your reply, I know my boyfriend & I aren't trying at all now. In fact we're going through a lot right now in our relationship, we've been together for 5 years but I feel like we've come to a make or break point that he's not ready for, which means I just might have to break it..as much as I hate to say that. I want kids badly, I want that to be in my future & I don't want to wait that much longer. Once I graduate with my BA degree (December) I want to start getting all that in order because I'm 26. I really don't want to be in my 30's when I'm conceiving my first child. It's not that that's bad, that's just not what I want to happen. This whole thing with the cysts is something I've kept mostly to myself because the little bit I do tell to my boyfriend he just doesn't understand. And when I talk about fertility, it's the same idea where he doesn't understand why I'm so worried right now about it, since we aren't trying. But after 5 years of unprotected sex using the POM without any children being conceived, it's a little worrysome. Thanks again for your response & support.

[DSemcho]

I can understand the make or break point. I went from being married and trying for 2 1/2 years, to divorced, to being remarried and not trying at all. It's killing me. He doesn't want kids right now, and we've been together since May of 2010, and we got married August of that same year. I'm going to be 24 in November, and he's going to be 27 in January, and he still wants to wait like 3 or more years. I just don't have the patience to wait that long, especially since I've wanted it since I was 17 but waited until I was 20 to start trying at all. And since I can't have it so far, makes me want it all the more. I mainly just want him to want to have kids, because you never know what's going to happen. When I talk to my husband about kids, he gets mad sometimes, but I just can't help it. I feel like I'm getting toward the end of my ability to have a kid, and my husband is soo great with kids! He loves kids, but he just doesn't seem to want one. And he's not worried about it it seems. When I did get pregnant at the beginning of the year and then lost it at 5 weeks, he didn't seem to get sad about it happening. He seemed kinda relieved. And like 6 months later he finally told me he was actually sad about it, but he showed no emotion toward it.

[katzintheclouds]

Oh DSemcho, I can relate to you so much you don't even know. I feel you & completely understand how hard this is on you. When you want something your partner doesn't, that's hard enough but when it's something like kids that's just such a big issue that I think in the end, there will be no "comprimise'. It's not like you want to compromise anyway on kids, you should both want it. See, I know this..saying it to you, I can give you that advice but in my relationship, I can't see that myself. I love my boyfriend but the longer we're together (as I said it's been 5 years) my heart is telling me it's just not supposed to happen. I can't hold off because my bf doesn't want to be married or because he doesn't want to be ready. He can't lie & act like he doesn't know how I feel, he knows how much it means to me. Do you have any problems with PCOS or infertility? Have you ever spoken to a doctor about your probability for getting pregnant? You're a little younger than me but we're both in this wavering period. I know I ultimately am not going to be able to change my boyfriend's opinions. He says things like "maybe I will one day" or "maybe I will soon" but the NOT NOW thing is just too harsh. You can't wait for those "maybes" to be true. I'm not putting as much pressure on him now that I feel like I will be in the near future because as I said, we aren't really in the place for those next stepes because I haven't graduated yet. I see December as a huge month for me. It may not make it til then, but December is my goal date where I will have a better hang of what to do & where I want to go. My boyfriend is aware of this, he knows that that is how I feel about it & I know he gets upset because that puts pressure on him, but it should. In my opinion you need that kind of pressure to get your life going the way it should be. I'm tired of floundering around in this "maybe" place, with no job, a crappy apartment, a relationship that's wavering everyday & an incomplete degree. I hope that when I graduate, I'll have a brighter future, with or without him...

I hate saying all that about him because I love him & it sounds like you really love your husband, but at some point we both have to realize that it's not about them when it comes to these things, it's about how you feel & how you recognize what you really want out of life. If it's meant to be, then we will be able to have that life together but in my heart I worry that I might be having those days & that future with someone else. I don't want it to be that way, but I can't deny myself what I want in my future. You only get so many chances before you run out.

Thanks for writing back hon. I hope we can continue to talk about our experiences & I wish you luck.

[DSemcho]

I had the elevated testosterone and prolactin levels, overweight, excess body hair because of the PCOS. And like I said, only gotten pregnant once, have had unprotected sex with over 30 guys... so I'd say ya infertility is a issue lol. I think last time I saw a doctor they said I probably have a 20% chance, but I have my first official infertility appointment tomorrow so we'll see. See he's not wanting to use condoms, and I told him I refuse to go on birth control (since I had problems with hormones already) and he has been saying, if it happens it happens. He's amazing with kids, so I know he wants it. The look in his eyes tells you he wants it. I'm not worried about the job or housing, I'm getting my BA and he's in the military. We're in Turkey, so they pay for our housing, and we'll be here for another 3 1/2 years. Plus I'm hoping to enlist within the next 2 years.

[katzintheclouds]

See I have no other symptoms. I have a slight increase in acne, but that may be related to my epilepsy medications. I am 130lbs, 5'10 & my LH was the only high hormone level. My doctor said that was definately abnormal (and explains the lack of seeing my period) but there are not many other things that fit. She said then that I classify as "PCO" since I have polysistic ovaries, but I guess you don't necessarily have to have PCOS if you just have multiple cysts. She seemed confused when we first found all of this on the 1st ultrasound, so I know the search for answers is still pretty new. It still seems to be affecting my fertility as I am having a hard time with ovulation even happening on a regular basis. I also have horrible cramps, sometimes mid cycle which seems to suggest ovoluation, but my LH is always high anyway so that can't signal much on the bloodwork as far as impending ovulation. My doctor always says that my cervix appears to be on the beginning stage leading to ovulation, but I think that's just continuous. On the BC it seemed like my ovulatory cycles were more normal & I may have even been ovulating ON BC, especially due to the mid-cycle cramps. I was on LoEstrin Fe, my doctor suggested that it was best to help support future fertility as it would regular my hormones better. But at the time I was not actively TTC. I wish I had the relationship where the "look" and wanting of children was mutual. I'm finding it more and more obvious that my boyfriend may never change his mind, especially how he confronts the idea with hesitation the minute it's brought up by others. We say "We've been together for 5 years" and the immediate questions are about marriage, why aren't we married, why don't we have a family yet. Almost all of my friends are either married, engaged, pregnant or have children. It's very very frustrating. I worry that I will be moving on & eventually have children/marriage with a future man. I don't even want to say that but I can't lie to myself. I'm still in school as I said, after December I'll be really focusing on getting a job but the next priority will be planning for a future. If my boyfriend isn't ready to make any leaps or at least give me any sign of wanting to grow up more & accept more responsibilities, I might find myself moving on. That's a horribly scary thought & I have a few months to see if we can work things out to become more even, but right now I'm extremely pessimistic. Who knows. I'm trying as best I can to focus & tell myself that one day this will work out, and it will be much better, whether it is with him or someone else. I will have that, I can't deny myself that dream.

[DSemcho]

Luckily I don't have the acne. I only get it when I clean my face to much. But I get one, maybe two pimples when I'm about to start my period. The "do you have kids/when are you having kids" question comes up a lot to me because I am married. I always say when my hubby says he's ready. I understand why he's not wanting them now, and it has to do with his ex. I'll message you and tell you about it. I told him if we aren't pregnant, already have a kid, or we're not really seriously trying when we leave here in 2 - 4 years, then I'm going to end the marriage because in 3ish years I reach the point when my fertility starts to decline. I'm off to my first infertility appointment right now!!

[katzintheclouds]

My acne is just something that has come up in the last few years, I think a lot of it is also due to stress & the fact that I can't keep my hands off my face! It's not a really bad amount, it's just on the side of my face near my hairline and on my forehead. It gets really old because I feel like everyone can see it & no matter how many different types of cleaners I use on my face, none of them seem to help much. I know it bothers my boyfriend when people ask about kids/marraige but part of me thinks it's due to the fact that he feels like he should want that, and he doesnt. This whole thing where he can't tell me if he wants it at all or if he wants it with me, that's what gets me. I've been talking to my friends lately & I'm starting to think seriously about ending the relationship, even though I really love him & don't want to leave a 5yr relationship, especially not right now. But I've got a lot going for me & as I told a friend of mine today, I refuse to let it really drag me down. But it's going to be hard..

I hope your doctor's appointment goes well!!

[DSemcho]

I understand that being hard. The guy I lost my virginity to refused to get his license, or a job and move out of his parents house, and he was 19/20 at the time and I had to choose to leave him and move back home. It was one of the most difficult choices I ever had to make, but I made it. I have you tried just asking if he might want kids or marriage in the next couple of years or so?

The appointment was kind of a bust imo... They are checking my hormones levels again, my thyroids and such. And I'm getting an ultrasound on Thursday, but there isn't much else they will do until my husband says it's time to have a kid. And he's been saying "It'll happen when it happens." So I'm not sure if that's saying it's time or what.... It makes me want to tell the doctor it's okay to put me on the medicine and such if necessary.. But I want Bob to be okay with it happening anytime soon....