Hey everyone,

I have another user name on here but I can't remember it or the password. The last time I posted I talked about my truly awful experience contracting high risk HPV 16 and with the colposcopy. It was the most painful terrifying thing I've ever done with my body. I still remember like it was yesterday the burning of the speculum, the burning of the solution, the scissors latching onto my cervix and removing a piece of my flesh. Talk about nightmares.

I just had my 6month follow up pap, that I needed valium to get me into the door. I lost a good two weeks of sleep prior to the pap smear. I wasn't previously terrified of pap smears. I dreaded them, but I was able to get in there without problem and well rested. Since the colpo my who mindset is completely different about doctors doing anything around my vagina. I would see ads in the paper for the hospital I go to, and my pulse would race and I'd get all jittery and my hands would sweat. It has turned me absolutely insane and I don't know what to do!

The valium the Dr. perscribed did absolutely nothing. I took 7.5mg of it and I could've run a marathon and aced a spelling bee on it. It was a joke. For my colpo I took like .25mg of xanex which isn't very much and probably why I had no help from that either.

Now as I'm waiting for the results of this pap to come back I'm again losing sleep. I have this gut feeling I'll need another colpo because I will not have normal results. I need to find a gyno in California or Nevada who will give me some real drugs to go through this again. What is the stuff they use in concious sedation? Does anyone have a gyno who offers this? My doctor acted like it was kind of a foreign idea but I know that if there are dentists out there who can make you forget your own name for awhile to work on your teeth there's got to be a gyno who will do the same to work on your vagina.

I seriously think I need some professional help after these procedures, they damaging me more than trying to deal with my childhood sexual abuse incident.

Although it sounds like the gyno experience was both physically and emotionally painful on it's own merits, I can't help but wondering if the experience was even worse for you also given your childhood abuse trauma.

Do you think counselling would help. Also you can buy some great meditation/visualisation cd's to use prior to operations. I used one of these years ago and although it sounds kind of corny it did really help me to get through a procedure I was really stressing about. Sorry I can't remember the name of it but you could try a new age shop.

Hoping things get better for you.

tt

I went through the same terror.

I couldn't believe that they could snip a part of my insides, without anything, that's right no drugs what so ever.

I walked out in tears of shock and fear i think more so than pain.

From there, with the next gyno was great, he went about his business burning off cancer cells chatting away to me and making me relaxed..all the time, by butt was in the air, in fear without knowing, when finished, he stated, um, you can put your butt back on the table, we laughed.

So, from that, i learned, you aint ever doing that again, unless you give me what he gave me.

He, numbed the area with solution, and once numb and injection, so i didn't feel a thing.

Perhaps this is what you need to suggest that "you want", not pain killers to take, rather numbness so you feel nothing when it's happening.

But, i will never forget that either, nor allow that to happen again...

Hope that helps.

CW

Thanks for the responses ladies. Trouble with the numbing solution as awesome as it sounds is I'm fairly sure they won't do that for a colposcopy because the solution interferes with the reading of the cells which is why I need something I can take orally. I can't believe no one knows of a sedation gyno. What a bummer for me