Help with feeling too angry.

**Catamrite** · 09-29-2008 10:20 AM

Hi girls
I need your ideas please about a situation I am in with my husband. I have recently gone back to work. And I am having trouble coping. I'm not sure if the problem is me or him. I am so angry at him all the time. I found myself yesterday just all day as I was doing all the housework laundy ironing and cooking plus looking after my daughter wanting to murder him. He does not help me at all in the house, or I should say he does help but compared to what i do it's nothing. Then he complains of being tired and I'll tell you girls I just want to take my frying pan to his head. Every time he opens his mouth about anything I just want to scream at him. yesterday he went to help his friend work on an investment property they just bought leaving me to do everything. And while i understand about his friend needing help. Whos more important. and I feel he's controlling too. He has to be a part of every decision big or small. I'm pissed off at him because he wants me to stop breastfeeding and i'm not ready too. My daughter is having a hard time with the change of me not being there all the time and I just think it's too much to soon. Plus I am very overweight and he watches everything I eat and has some kind of comment about it. Don't get me wrong I love him but this anger feels like it's going to destroy me. I have told him in the past to help me but he looks at me like... i do help you and you just don't recognize what i do, just condemn me for what i don't do. I have decided that divorce is not an option. Has anyone been through something similar and had a solution? I have tried to talk to him but we end up screaming at each other and it is very hard because i/we don't want to scream at each other in front of our little one she is so sensitive. and I have no time to play with her or spend quality time because i'm so busy doing all the housework and preparing things for her the next day. And whenever we fight it always turns out that i am the wrong one. Well how come I am still angry.. help please what do you think i should do

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 09-29-2008 02:52 PM

Hi and welcome to the Forum.

So he wants to play Mr Mum, but only in as much as you go and work, then come home and work, then tend to your baby that you've missed all day, then go help a mate, tell you he's helping but you just don't see the good things he does just what he doesn't do, it's all your fault isn't it...

He can't have his cake and eat it to. You should be home with your baby until she "doesn't" need to be breast fed, he is disconnecting a very special time.

Whilst he gets out there and earns the living, then you can be equal and BOTH earn a living and bring your child up together, under the best circumstance you can.

If one is working the other should be working on the house chores as best as they can, to assist.

It's an equal world.

So, Yes, I do know how you feel. No, i wasn't in that situation but I did work, and do all the housework, cleaning, cooking, full time and tended to gardens, pets, whilst my ex-husband laid about and said the same things, "you just don't see what i do".......

There is no solution if he won't budge and see the writing on the wall that you want to explode and it will destroy your relationship as each day you get angrier and angrier at hitting your head against a brick wall.

Why is he not working?
Why are you?

Next time he says "he is", tell him, I am a Mother, I am an Employee and then I am a Wife, I am a Cook, and I am a Cleaner, I am sorry what are you again? A Husband?

If you want me to have a nervous breakdown because I can't cope then fine, because that's where I am heading, can we sit down and work out how you can help me?

If he still says, I do, no, etc, I would be saying "seeya" I quit you or my job, which one buster?

CW

**Joy** · 09-29-2008 04:33 PM

You are right Anger will destroy you. You have to find away to express yourself. Either write out your feelings and give it to him or write them out and find out what is really at the bottom of all of this before you condense it and talk to him. Anger will destroy your health if you do not deal with it properly.

First stop being hard on yourself! You do have a lot to deal with and cope with a baby and going back to work. There is always an adjustment period to this. Separation from your baby is hard on both you and her.

You should start taking time even if it is for 10-15 mins to go for a walk and clear your head. It will help you cope big time plus its a lil bit of exercise each day.

You and your husband have to decide what type of relationship you want - a loving, helping supportive one or a bitter, nasty, power struggle.

Remember to love yourself everyday and be kind to yourself. You are that important and worth it.

**zoolady** · 10-01-2008 01:40 PM

I know what you mean about the frying pan. That made me laugh. As far as commenting on what you eat, shame on him. Next time he's says anything, you say "If you are not going to be supportive, please do not say anything negative" If he keeps it up, say "Oh, thank you, why don't you eat this instead of me!" Then you eat less and loose weight, and he has nothing to say with a mouthful of food!

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