How do you deal with your ex fiance being attracted to men???
I'm new on here and I'm 27 with two children of my own but me and my ex fiance raise our nephew. can anyone give me some advice on how to deal with your ex being attracted to men and after an 8 year relationship....I'ts been over a year now since i found out but some days its really hard. Anyone ever been through this?
oh and we still live together...
Welcome.
What are you having difficulties facing, the fact that he is Gay, or was Gay when you both were together?
There is nothing to deal with in this instance, you are "just" living together, your relationship is over, you share parenting and a home.
Or, are you still sexually active with each other?
What is it therefore that bothers you over it.
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
well i wouldnt say that hes is gay first off....he is still attracted to woman. and we were together for 8 years and three kids later.. it is things to deal with when you still love the person. we have a great relationship...we always have...no were not sexualy active at the monment. dont want to confuse things anymore than they are. its alot to the story but way too much to type. just seeing if anyone has had to deal with this type of thing before.Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH
and out of 8 yrs as far as i know he had felt these feelings for 2 yrs but a year ago acted on it...
Okay, well just clearing a few things for the readers, so they can reply to your question, it makes it easier if you have provided a few sentences for them to ponder over.
So, he is bi-sexual and had a tendancie to try it out and did...
There are alot of bi-sexual people, be it man/man or woman/woman and a few comments will certainly come your way on thoughts there.
I still don't see why it is bugging you though, if you are open to people being people, one day he will either end up with another guy, or another woman, either, either and that will also be difficult for you... Perhaps you still love him deeper than you think.
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
i know i love him more than i will ever be able to express it..but our relationship is crazy its lie we are together but not...everything we did while we were together we still do.. he is just the typ of guy that likes being single.. but together or not well always be the best of friends...ive delt with him talking to other guys girls ect but some times i think its easy to slip into the "wish things were different" kinda feelings. i think that bi gay whatever the out come it never changes the person ppl are..
p.s. i've been searching for a site with open talk..lol
There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore....and who always will.
LOL... Sorry but your adding, so your heart is still with him, what you do together you were doing for those 8 years, nothing really has changed for you.
You have heard that guys will "hide" behind a woman when they secretly really want to be with a man, there are married men that are doing it today, as we speak all over the world, but behind her back they are with a man...
I think you need to possibily see that he prefers men than women really, always has and now is "out of the closet" where as before he was hiding behind the door.
I bet you get on like great friends.
Some see "gay" as feminine talking, cross dressing, it's not always the case at all, your guy can talk like a man, act like a man, be your mate, but still be gay.
Who knows ,but bi/gay he is either/iether and your heart hurts off course, that's natural.
But, not much you can do about it rather than start to think about you now, your life, your family, you can't live in a loveless "friendship" relationship for the rest of your life can you.
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
i dont see it as hiding really...people are who they are. he is secure in himself and what he likes and does not like.. so are you saying just because he tried something that makes him gay.. its not about me facing that he wants a man and not a woman..so if someone gay decided they wanted to try the being with a woman would they be straight? people are who they are..and he was my friend before anything else..and he was just like any other boyfriend that i dated..it is possible for a man to be a friend and not be gay..thats whats wrong with the world today. they are always putting labels on ppl..i actually just wanted to know if anyone has been thru this and how to overcome those hard days not for someone to tell me what his sexual preference is...but its cool everyone is has their own opinion.
There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore....and who always will.
can anyone give me some advice on how to deal with your ex being attracted to men and after an 8 year relationship....I'ts been over a year now since i found out but some days its really hard.
i know i love him more than i will ever be able to express it..but our relationship is crazy its lie we are together but not...everything we did while we were together we still do.i think its easy to slip into the "wish things were different" kinda feelings. i think that bi gay whatever the out come it never changes the person ppl are..out of 8 yrs as far as i know he had felt these feelings for 2 yrs but a year ago acted on it...are you saying just because he tried something that makes him gay.It's more like people can go into denial big time.is possible for a man to be a friend and not be gay..thats whats wrong with the world today. they are always putting labels on ppl..i actually just wanted to know if anyone has been thru this and how to overcome those hard days not for someone to tell me what his sexual preference is...but its cool everyone is has their own opinion.
What exactly therefore is your question?
It can be construed to I can't believe that he did that I still love him how do i deal with it?
Are you asking: - How to deal with a guy that is living with you that you used to go out with, that you are still in love with? That decided to try it with a man, and has had those tendancies for two years?
You get out of the situation totally, if you are not happy with it and you look for what you want in life or else, you accept that he is only a "friend" now, he is either bi, or gay and you can not "do the wish list" ,or it would have reverted back to your relationship with him again by now, after 2 years and you understand, love him as you do, and get on with your life.
I am not telling you either that he is gay, you are telling us, what he did, which means that he is either gay or bi, ( a statement) and i am sensing what your not happy about the situation and that is that either you are still in love with him, or else, you can't handle that he has those tendancies having been with you, as a female...
You pose a question on this site, without full details of what you are wanting in return you will receive all sorts of possibles, in order to answer your question.
Perhaps instead of me going back and forth to find out what it is you don't like, you should tell the board.
Therefore, you may not receive answers that you do not like. Or, that are not pertained to your question, however, i will let you know people will speak as they feel, to what they read, that's natural.
.......................
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
ok first let me say that the question was how do you deal with it from time to time it gets hard just as it would if he or anyone had cheated with a woman..it shouldnt matter what sex it was.. and why are you so quick to throw someone ito a label???? i know plenty of women who have tried things and does that make them gay cause they tried it once?? if you did a drug does that make you a drug addict..no its simply you trying something new. and if you like it you do if you dont you dont.. let me also say i dont need anyone to tell me what i want to hear nor am i in denial.. your statements make you seem alittle judgemental and closeminded...i am verry happy where i am in my life thank you and i live my life to the fullest and stay positive but im human and sometimes everywoman i know has a hard time if they have been cheated on.. i dont think i have to tell my whole relationship on a message board to get one question answered that seem to me be simple...
There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore....and who always will.
ok first let me say that the question was how do you deal with it from time to time it gets hard just as it would if he or anyone had cheated with a woman..it shouldnt matter what sex it was.. and why are you so quick to throw someone ito a label???? i know plenty of women who have tried things and does that make them gay cause they tried it once?? if you did a drug does that make you a drug addict..no its simply you trying something new. and if you like it you do if you dont you dont.. let me also say i dont need anyone to tell me what i want to hear nor am i in denial.. your statements make you seem alittle judgemental and closeminded...i am verry happy where i am in my life thank you and i live my life to the fullest and stay positive but im human and sometimes everywoman i know has a hard time if they have been cheated on.. i dont think i have to tell my whole relationship on a message board to get one question answered that seem to me be simple...
No one is being judgemental.
Your asking a question but regardless of what I write as an offer of "how" to deal with it, you don't see it as being a possible solution.
You are still living with the man that you love. Correct?
But he is now your ex. Correct?
It hurts from time to time, because you feel cheated on.. Correct?
It doesn't matter if he is bi-sexual ( Wikpedia - "attraction to both sexes, experience sexual, emotional / affectional to both sexes") - its the fact that he slept with "someone".
I'm sorry, but if you can't cope with the fact that he slept with "someone" regardless of whom he slept with, whilst living under your roof, yet you are no longer partners/lovers, rather just live together, i will state my previous answer.
Change it.
Get out of the situation.
There is no other way that you can deal with being hurt, because you both are no longer together but your hurt over it.. Your feelings are too strong, you are too close to him and not just as a friend... So, you are always going to feel hurt... when the next sexual en-counter comes along, and the one after, be it male or female.
Everyone here knows I don't care one i-ota about sexuality, but you can not state that someone is not bi-sexual either, if they have thought about it as far as you know for two years, and then acted on it... They are bi-sexual, it's not an experiment, that is the same as if i was "curious" i would be -bi-curious but the moment I acted on it, that would make me bi-sexual. That's just the way it is...
So don't feel that my words are cutting they are not, they are simply the facts of what constitutes bi-sexuality and what doesn't.
I said the word denial, based on "love", if you hurt from it and feel that it's cheating and that is what you said, it feels like, then you are still in love with him, and living with him is only easy when you feel that he is single, not dating, not sleeping with anyone at all.
You will obviously go through the same emotions and pain, if you found him with a woman or man, for a night again.
There isn't anything further at all I can say, have a think if it is good for your well being, remaining in the same home if it hurts after 12 months, knowing that he has slept with someone.
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
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