Firstly, your having an "emotional affair" yep, sorry but you are, you are unhappy in your marriage, you try to justify it by saying "he is a good husband" and your need to communicate with another man verbally is there because you are missing a lot of things that a marriage is meant to give you, and so, enters an emotional affair.
Your husband is jealous, rightly so, and so he ignores you unfortunately that day was your birthday..
But, you say he has done "a lot of nasty things in 8 years"
Your children can see and feel pain, and so they express it with you, which is not good for them.
So, you need to step back a bit, for a second and forget that it was your birthday and just look at the bigger picture.
What has your husband done that has hurt you on-going for those years?
Do you realise that you need this other 46 year old man, to vent with and to talk to and that it is an emotional affair?
Can you change the things that your husband has done/ is doing to you?
Do you really love him or are you living in a loveless marriage that you can't change?
Because we all deserve total happiness and communication and working on a marriage is important but if it can't be done, then you deserve to be happy and maybe you shouldn't be with this man and waste any more of your precious years.