Selfish Husband

**chantal28** · 10-11-2008 05:09 PM

3 days ago was my BD and my husband did not talk to me for the entire day.this how everything started, the night before my birthday i have a friend who live in fl and i am in va. i give the guy a call around 6 and he return the phone call late around 10.30.i know it was wrong but it's already happen .my husband pick up the phone i was asleep and he wake me up and he say why this joker calling my house. i explain to him why he call and i go back to sleep.i taugh thing was ok and the next day i wake up and my kids was saying happy birthday mom and he was there listening i taugh he would say something too but i was wrong.so i wait wait all day to see if he will talk to me or just say happy BD to me he did not say nothing.i was in shock. i am think how could he do this to me.if it was me i would never do it like that i would put a happy face and celebrate the day and be mad the next day.my husband is a 30 years old man and he is mad because i talk to a 46 years old man which i am not interested in.the only reason i talk to him is my husband stress me a lot sometimes i need someone to talk to and i call him. we just talk nothing else.do anyone here think i should just go talk to him or let it be. i am not saying that he is not a good husband but he did some terrible thing to me for the past 8 years . and for a phone call he ruin my special day. my kids cry they ask me why daddy did not hug and kiss u for ur birthday.i feel sad i did not know what to tell them.i do not want to live my life that way i don't want my kids to see those kind of thing.when they growp up if their husband did the same thing to them so they don't think it's ok.i just don't know what to do. i am fed up with him and i feel like there is no love there.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-11-2008 05:32 PM

Firstly, your having an "emotional affair" yep, sorry but you are, you are unhappy in your marriage, you try to justify it by saying "he is a good husband" and your need to communicate with another man verbally is there because you are missing a lot of things that a marriage is meant to give you, and so, enters an emotional affair.

Your husband is jealous, rightly so, and so he ignores you unfortunately that day was your birthday..

But, you say he has done "a lot of nasty things in 8 years"

Your children can see and feel pain, and so they express it with you, which is not good for them.

So, you need to step back a bit, for a second and forget that it was your birthday and just look at the bigger picture.

What has your husband done that has hurt you on-going for those years?

Do you realise that you need this other 46 year old man, to vent with and to talk to and that it is an emotional affair?

Can you change the things that your husband has done/ is doing to you?

Do you really love him or are you living in a loveless marriage that you can't change?

Because we all deserve total happiness and communication and working on a marriage is important but if it can't be done, then you deserve to be happy and maybe you shouldn't be with this man and waste any more of your precious years.

CW

**Fire(m)** · 10-11-2008 09:01 PM

99.9% of the time I agree wholeheartedly with CW. This is the 0.01%. I don't think this is an emotional affair. I don't think Chantal sees this any further than an opposite sex friend who she can talk to.

I have some opposite sex friends with whom I can talk. I talk to them about all sorts of things including my relationship with my wife. They talk to me about all sorts of things including their relationships as well. We're just friends. No emotional affairs. Not giving to them and withholding from my wife, etc. Just friends.

Now...I will say this. My wife knows who my female friends are, and doesn't have any problem with me talking to them. She has male friends as well. I have no problem with that either. I think we all need opposite sex friends.

Heck, I consider some people on here my friends, and I'd be happy to discuss most anything with them, but there is no emotional affair going on.

Chantal...for what it matters...Happy Birthday.
Cheers.

**In-Need** · 10-11-2008 11:03 PM

I'm with Fire, I to most of the time agree with CW but not on this point of Emotional affair, Hey, I'm talking to women on here and I certainly don't consider it that. My Wife know I'm on on WH.

But on the other point I do agree with CW, He's jealous, he has know glue what you are doing with this guy. I know I would be too unless I again, Knew about the male friend. How is he suppose to feel?

The main issue here is you and him getting over the hump about what's going on with your marriage, getting that resolved.

If I've ever been hurt by my wife (and she's never done anything terribly wrong) first I do a reality check to see if I'm pouting or if I've got a legitimate issue with the matter. Then just lay it out on the table.
You need to be able to talk to husband. Are you scared of him, of what he might do? If that's the case that's a another issue. Good Luck!

**chantal28** · 10-11-2008 11:23 PM

i am not having an "emotional affair" like i said i am not interested in him.i even told my husband if he want to meet or talk to him he said no.what ever friend i have i always ask him do u want to meet my friend he always respond with a no. i cannot even go out with my girlfriends ,he always say that when he is home that my girlfriends cannot come to the house the thing is he just don't like me making friend , he do not like when i talk to other man.i try not to but when ever he feel like trashing me i do not have no one to talk to.he is just evil that's all

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-11-2008 11:32 PM

oh don't take that to heart, "emotional affair" .. your looking at the word affair.

I am saying that you are hurting and wanting to talk to people with emotions, and because that person is a male, "if you were telling him what you are telling us" then sure he can be a friend, but it can also be an emotional affair, a man that you trust that you can converse with about everything...

I am not saying that your having an affair at all does that make sense...

Your in need and so you talk.

That's stup1d that you can't talk to anyone and that they can't even come to your house that is SO CONTROLLING as is therefore, what he did on your birthday.

What he has done or is doing is ensuring that he "owns you" and that you have no one but him, therefore, no one to turn to.

But us?

Why are you staying with him?

**N01** · 10-12-2008 03:05 PM

+1 and CW is right yet again. Been there, done that, doing it now. If a guy is gonna call a married woman's home at night to tell her happy birthday, especially at 10:30pm, there's more than just a "friend" calling. now I'm not saying that it's as involved as it could be, but she's getting something from the friend that she's not getting from her husband.

face it, no man ever wants to hear that some other man is giving his wife/fiance/girl friend anything that he isn't, even if it is nothing more than an ear that listens.

**kota** · 10-13-2008 01:13 PM

I just wanted to say Happy Belated Birthday!! I went somewhat through the same thing. My BD was the 9th and all I got fom my hubby is "Oh its your BD?" The next night he threw a party and I had to work, so I thought he maybe planned something for me for when I got home. nope! I came home to a house full of people and no dinner left for me, so I had to have left overs, not one mention of my BD, so I figure that since it was all his friends he didn't need me so I went online. My friend Jordan was on and we started talking and he did wish me a happy BD, my hubby came up and asked what I was doing, and got made cause I would rather talk to Jordan online than to hang out with him. He doesn't get mad that I talk to him though, we have been talking about 5-6 years now, and at first he was jealous but I told him that we were just friends and someone I could talk to.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-24-2008 04:22 AM

So i hope you set your profile on , let us know when a post comes in...

He is controlling hey? no friends male or female.

You shared, come and tell us where your at, and how we can help more.

CW

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