I thought it was okay...but it's not

**torn2pieces** · 10-13-2008 11:34 AM

I posted something in regards to my fiance accessing and creating a profile on a affair site. I created an account to bust him, for a few days he had no activity on the site so I thought it was okay and he wasn't using it to look for someone. Well I see he replied to my "wink". He replied with "Tell me more about yourself". With a site like this you have to pay on your account to go back and forth with e-mail. So I can't respond actually the only way I know that was his message is because I accessed his account cause I know his password. I am considering paying on this account so I can possibly get and send him an e-mail.

**ChelseaRenee** · 10-13-2008 02:19 PM

Originally Posted by torn2pieces

I posted something in regards to my fiance accessing and creating a profile on a affair site. I created an account to bust him, for a few days he had no activity on the site so I thought it was okay and he wasn't using it to look for someone. Well I see he replied to my "wink". He replied with "Tell me more about yourself". With a site like this you have to pay on your account to go back and forth with e-mail. So I can't respond actually the only way I know that was his message is because I accessed his account cause I know his password. I am considering paying on this account so I can possibly get and send him an e-mail.

I'm so sorry honey..

To be honest, i've heard of a lot of men using these sort of things as interactive porn. They'll talk dirty to people, exchange pics, whatever...It's not cheating, but in my opinion it's still as much of a betrayal (I know I'm in the minority on WH!) This could be what he's doing. I guess the mature thing to do would be to confront him and not have a role in this immature little operation you've got going. But honestly, if you confront him now he'll get defensive and lash out at your for invading his privacy (which you have) and he'll just say he was doing it out of boredom and that it means nothing. If it were me, I'd see how far he takes it. Then, if he leaves it alone and doesn't take it anywhere, calmly bring it up. If he suggests meetings, exchanging pics, phone calls...Well, I dunno, kill him?

**Livelaughlove** · 10-13-2008 02:23 PM

For me a relationship or even a friendship has to have 3 things WITH NO EXCEPTION!

Loyalty
Trust
Respect.

Once one of these three things are broken then i consider the relationship over.

Seems to me like all three of these things are non-existent in your relationship.

Think about it.

Hope this helps

Live laugh and love

**rcoreyus** · 10-13-2008 04:09 PM

Hmm,
Maybe get an account, answer his request and try to set up a meeting. That way you will find out if he is really serious or just playing. If he is serious, then you can decide what to do when he shows up: anything from telling him he's divorced to arriving wearing a wig and showing him that what he is really looking for is you.

**torn2pieces** · 10-14-2008 12:42 PM

Originally Posted by rcoreyus

Hmm,
Maybe get an account, answer his request and try to set up a meeting. That way you will find out if he is really serious or just playing. If he is serious, then you can decide what to do when he shows up: anything from telling him he's divorced to arriving wearing a wig and showing him that what he is really looking for is you.

Yes, I think this is exactly what I am going to do. Going thru this hurts so bad and taking these actions hurts.

In order to be able to correspond with him one of us (I have an account) would have to be a "Member" and in order to do that I would have to pay $49.00. While it's worth it to know if he is a cheater before I marry his and to find out if he is loyal to our relationship, I do not like the idea of spending $50 on this site, to even contribute to it is not something I want to do. Although, I am pretty set on doing it so I can see if the man I love is willing to meet up with another woman.

Here I am a grown woman going through this again (I've been here before but not with him).

I just need a shoulder to cry on right now. Thanks to all the ladies and your support and advice.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-14-2008 03:11 PM

It seems that you also want that "trust" issue and it's not spending the money per-say but rather finding out once again that you can't trust.

It's sad, but LLL is correct and you know that, if you don't have those (3) trust, loyalty and respect, it's not worth walking up the isle and unfortunately you have to start again.

I hate "snooping" it causes more heartache than what it is worth, in addition sometimes, incorrect information , that being information provided and then your interpretation of that information.

Rcoryeus however, makes a good point, by setting up a meeting, if he turns up, you can at least look him in the eye, hold your head up and walk back out that door.

You know with everything negative, comes a positive.

Imagine if this happened 2 years after the wedding? Or, once you had a child together?

Don't feel that every guy is like this they are not, stay strong to your beliefs and don't fear if it turns out ugly, it just means that you have been saved, to meet that gorgeous guy who is still looking for you, who would never ever cheat.

CW

**N01** · 10-15-2008 05:14 PM

or you could just open up a new hotmail or gmail account and send an email directly to his email. say something like you have a way of getting other peoples emails. if he's really trolling, it wont phase him. if he is just playing, he'll freak. either way, you could wait a few weeks and then ask him why he didnt reply to your wink or email.

or you could just cut the BS and ask him right out!

The other thing you do need to remember, is that marriage is a big step and a big risk. some people feel like they need one last fling to make sure what they are doing is right or not. I'm not agreeing with it, but it's how some people feel. Cold feet is nothing new for either gender.

so, do you want to play his game too, or just come out and address it?

**In-Need** · 10-16-2008 08:15 AM

Originally Posted by N01

or you could just cut the BS and ask him right out!

so, do you want to play his game too, or just come out and address it?

You have 2 choices and N01 has given them to you, myself I would not want to waste the time, I'd want to get down to brass taxes. That way things can move on whatever direction that might be, You See?

Good Luck Torn, I do feel for ya!

**torn2pieces** · 10-16-2008 08:43 AM

Originally Posted by N01

or you could just open up a new hotmail or gmail account and send an email directly to his email. say something like you have a way of getting other peoples emails. if he's really trolling, it wont phase him. if he is just playing, he'll freak. either way, you could wait a few weeks and then ask him why he didnt reply to your wink or email.

or you could just cut the BS and ask him right out!

The other thing you do need to remember, is that marriage is a big step and a big risk. some people feel like they need one last fling to make sure what they are doing is right or not. I'm not agreeing with it, but it's how some people feel. Cold feet is nothing new for either gender.

so, do you want to play his game too, or just come out and address it?

Thanks so much for you comments and advice, you have no idea how much I need it right now.

Well me being me was not able to hold it in. It bothers me a lot and he knows me well enough to look at me and know everything is not okay. I've been playing it off and playing it off but it came out (I downed a beer). It all came out overly emotional. I asked him why he had a profile on there, and heres the thing, when up very late we have seen an advertisement for this , evil website ..............and one night it came on and he was said "look this is funny" (and it actually is), but then he goes on to say how he looked up the website. So anyway (hope your following) he tells me that it was just to see what the site is all about and he told me about looking at it and that you couldn't look "into" the site without setting up a profile. I beraded him with the question "Did you send anyone messages" and he had a strong "no".

So he lied about not sending a message to someone. I know he attempted to send me (on the site) a message cause it is in his sent box (I know his password). So I have already confronted him about it. I tried the e-mail thing that you suggest (but I didn't say I got his e-mail from the site). He gets those spam (the ones that direct you to a porn site) e-mails all the time and he deletes them without opening because he gets them all the time...anyway, I am still going to try it.

**torn2pieces** · 10-16-2008 08:52 AM

Originally Posted by In-Need

You have 2 choices and N01 has given them to you, myself I would not want to waste the time, I'd want to get down to brass taxes. That way things can move on whatever direction that might be, You See?

Good Luck Torn, I do feel for ya!

The only reason I will go about this by being sneaky and all the BS is so I can get the truth. He can and will just straight out lie about it. In a situation like this I feel I need to get the proof and not have to rely on his word.

I hate saying that (not have to rely on his word). We are strong in many areas and I know I can rely on him for many many things. Hes a good ing man I just hope he is not tempted or ever cheats.

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