then you know what you do...live well. yup, the best revenge is to LIVE WELL, very VERY well in fact. Obviously it's over, and the more time you spend trying fight with him and her and make sense out of this selfish and already senseless act he played on you, the more it's gonna get ugly in front of the children.
Just lift your head up and say, F*** it! Go get yourself a facial, buy a new outfit and go out! Apparently they aren't suffering over you, so why should you over them? Plus, if he is weak and pathethic enough to do that to his wife, then I can guarantee you he will do this to your friend...karma heeds no eye when it comes to that ****, trust me honey!
When he sees how well you are doing, he is gonna question himself because even though he seems like he doesn't want you anymore, love just simply doesn't die overnight...he is trapped in lust that's all. Soon this fire between the 2 of thm will die down and he will be left hanging in the air with no family and you will be totally over him, and possibly with a new love of your own. Let him go...he deserves the trifling *****, not a kind, loving mother like you

You all are so right and I am on the right track. I am a strong woman and I plan a great future for me and my kids.
Thanks again

It was clear from the first words of your post that your husband was
looking to have an affair...with someone. Anyone. And your friend,
who might have tried to speak with him about his behaviour wound up
in the peculair...'well, if he's going to be unfaithful,it might as well be
with me, cause I'll respect wifey..."

(This is not as uncommon as you might believe...don't be surprised
if you ex-friend uses the terms...'doing you a favour'....)

Let him go. Drive him out.
You'll be surprised how much better it gets.

I remember an abused wife, virtually seeking shelter at a Mother's
Day Brunch, realising that tho' she could stand more abuse, the
child was becoming a nervous mess...
another who realised if she put the time she spent running behind
her husband, crying over him, worrying about him, to her children
that their lives would be better.

Think of it like this...
no matter what you try he's going to eventually stop coming
home.

The best thing is to have piles of activities for you kids so
that they don't know he isn't there.

Have them sleep over friends and relatives houses, take them
to all sorts of places, create 'rituals', i.e. every thursday it's
a pizza parlour day, or every Sunday you go to this pool or
every Monday evening it's this sporting event...

fill their lives with you...
so that When...(not if)...when he leaves he will cause as
little disruption as possible.

I have been married twice. I can tell you it was no real picnic going thru a divorce with a child. If you do, you have to keep things as normal as possible for your children, and always remind them that none of this is their fault. I applaud you for your efforts with counseling. I tried with both of mine and one flatly refused while the other simply told the counselor what he thought the guy wanted to hear and laughed about it later in the car. I had a situation similar to yours that almost involved someone else. I say almost because when I went to her and talked straight with her, she ran for the hills. Not from me, but from him when she found out what life was really like. I told her that if she wanted him to please take him as quickly as possible before he completely screwed up my life. I showed her his credit report and all the late bill notices he was responsible for. I also confronted him and told him I was going to do this and followed up with it. No angry words, just matter of fact action. He just about died from embarassment when I also told him I was going to talk to her family as well since I was already acquainted with her mom(he didn't know that little tidbit). He started telling me it was my fault because I was always working and between working and the kids, I never had any time for him. A family is together no matter what comes with work or kids. That seems to be a big issue for people these days. They don't seem to understand that when you take a vow and you have children, you are making a promise to always put someone else before you and your wants. Remember folks, when you get married, its because you want to be with that person. You volunteered, right? Kids don't volunteer to be born. They don't deserve the heartache that comes with selfish adults who just can't get past themselves. Hope this helps. FYI...I know I'll be unpopular for this, but I would tell her husband. He doesn't deserve to live a lie anymore than you do.

Embarrassment is a powerful weapon.
I'll give you an example.

A couple went to England when they were
young, and they worked very hard. And when
they were old and came back, some hot gal
went after the husband.

The guy was old, but he had money.

The wife was a mess.
She was in her sixties and felt she might
as well kill herself.

I told her what to do.
Embarrass him.
Chat about him like he's some kind of
ram goat who'll have sex with anything
two legs four legs six legs.

Make it a joke.
Make it clear that the gal is taking your
garbage.
Ridicule him, make it seem that you're
happy to get rid of him.

Well she did it.
And although it was hard, she did it.
And people in the district were looking
at the gal as a clown.
And at him as if he couldn't keep his
pants on.

So ridicule does work.

But if you're not sixty if you have a life
or can get one...do it.

Men who cheat don't cheat once. It's
like people who go on dozens of diets and
can't stick to any.

He will cheat with anyone.
Get rid of him.

It is better for the children to not have
him around. he's a bad example for
them.