Thread: my husband and my friend please help!

hey there......i am not married, nor have i been, so it may be hard for me to say what's best! but it seems to me that you have to think of yourself in this situation. do you really want to be with a man that is capable of cheating and has fallen out of love before? you certainly know him better than me, but always remember that you deserve to be happy, and you deserve to be in a loving/trusting relationship. if you decide to ask him to leave, he can still be there for the children. i hope this helps a little and i wish you all the best!

Omg,
If I even knew my Husband was going to leave me because he so called is not in love with me anymore than I'd tell him why did you marry me in the frst place! I mean thats why I don't trust Husbands being friends with your friend because they might try something sneaky behind your back. Well I'm not married either but I'm just givng you some useful advice it will be okay in the long run maybe you guys were not meant to be. So many couples get married so young than they realize that they have 0 things in common.

Thanks for your help on this. It is hard, cause my husband and I were best friends or so that is what he use to call me was his love and best friend. I am taking care of my self and trying to do the "right" thing. I just do not know what that is yet. With some counciling and guidence I will get there. Just would love to tell her husband about the whole thing. If you have any advice on that let me know. or if any one wants to volunteer to tell her husband that his wife and my husband were having an affair let me know.

Tforme,
Please don't tell her husband that his wife is having an affair with your Husband eventually honey he will find out for his-self. Please be the more mature person here...You need to sit down and talk with him and tell him how you feel because he's not going to know if you remain silent! Please just tell him you feelings and my thoughts I think he thought of you as more than a friend than the love of his life! But honey please take my advice don't tell your friends Husband I know you want to hurt her like she's hurt you and our Husband is no exception

man you must feel betrayed! wahat a**** of aex friend what she couldnt get her own man she had to take yours? you and the kids are better offf with out him!!! goodluck you will find real true love again with someone who will love you and those kids. before i met my husbund my ex bf cheated on me, now iam happily married to awonderful man who tells me everything, you will find true love again, what you had before wasnt love, keep us posted on what happens.

I know how you feel. I was on a family cruise - my ex-husbands entire family- their spouses and children as well, when my ex-husband, on the first day of the cruise, decides he did not love me anymore and wanted a divorce. We had been together for 24 years!! He always went out with his sister-in-law and his brothers and never wanted me around socially. Like you, i thought I was doing my son a favor by requesting that we go to counseling. After 1 session, he decided everything was all my fauilt - if I would only change completely, he would be happy. I let him come back home for another 7 miserable months. I continued to see a counselor on my own and discovered that I had let myself become so dependent on him that I had no self-esteem left! The divorce took over a year to accomplish and it now has been 7 months since the divorce. I have regained my self-esteem, and have moved on. I think most women who love their spouse will do anything to keep them home especially if children are in the marriage. I can say that it did more harm than good for my son to see the ugliness between us as my exhusband continued to destroy what was left of our marriage and realtionship. Although he didn't actually cheat on me, he might as well have done it - we were never together as a couple outside of our home. I was always put down and left out of things. Things will get better. And I firmly believe that somewhere out there your soulmate awaits (I hope I find mine as well). Keep your spirits up - your children need a strong mom - but also don't forget to lean on your trusted family members or confidants as well. Your support system is crucial to the success of your moving on with your life.

Originally Posted by tforme

Well I am not sure where to start. About a year ago my husband told me he was going to leave me because he was no longer "in love" with me. He loved me but not "in love". so at that point we started counciling and thought it was working and he said he felt better. Well now a year later I had been having that bad feeling that something was going on and had confided in a friend of ours about this situation. She cryed with me and shared with me that her husband had cheated on her and she did not think that is what was going on but she would not wish that opon her worst enimy. Bla Bla. so here we are I still feel wierd about the whole situation and just let things be for a bit. Then suggest we go back to counciling. We go a few times and he no longer wants to go. Being a little nosy i get on his cell phone and find a text message from my friend. it said me too me too and i love you. I thought i was going to die. I confront him and he said that they have had a relationship for about 3 months. We have 3 children together and he sat us all down and said he was leaving. I tryed for ever to tell him it was going to kill them. well it tore them apart, and he could not watch them so bad off so he begged me to let him stay. So i have but only if he ended it completely with my friend. Oh and i also confronted her. but what ever on that. any way so 1 day goes by and he has sent her an email about "the truth about true love" I am sick to my stomach. I have tryed to protect my kids and my self and i feel i have let them and my self down. just some input would be great.

OMG. I dont even know what I would do in that situation. I feel that the woman who replied earlier is right. You have to be strong for your children. Im not married but anything like that is just heart braking. You have to take the higher road and be the better person. Don't stoop to their level. I think I would want to tell the womans husband as well. But he'll find out in due time. She'll trip up somewhere. Nothing good comes from lies. They'll both end up in a bad situation. And remember, If this man cheated on the woman who beared his children, he will do it to her as well. There is no morals there... Probably just sex.... Both men and women are dogs... I don't just blame the man... Women are just as bad... But I would tell him to leave again and this time no matter how much he begs, don't let him back in. And If he doesn't leave... Wait until he goes to work and get all of his stuff out and put in on the lawn. And when he tries to come home and is wondering what's going on..... explain to him that you spoke to his girlfriend and she's willing to let him move into her basement... lol... No seriously... Just get him out.... For him to talk to another woman and send emails on "THE TRUTH ABOUT LOVE"--- he doesn't deserve you... Tell him you know the real truth, and he ain't it.......
I don't know how old your children are, but if old enough to understand, I would explain to them that sometimes parents don't stay together and it doesn't mean they cant be friends. And always let them know that it is not their fault and that you both love them very much.
As far as your Wh*r* friend- I mean ex-friend, both her and your husband have no morals. They both will get what's coming to them some how. Leave it in god's hands and he'll take care of it. Be positive. No matter how hard it is not to call him or whatever the situation may be, DON'T DO IT. Have family (that would never betray you) stay with you for a while and if they have to wrestle you to the ground, let them use a little tough love on you. Whatever works. Keep your head up... And after all is said and done.... If it comes down to it.... I'll tell her husband and let him in on the little secret that both your husband and his wife are both two morally incorrect individuals who deserve eachother bc they're lost in the idea of LOVE and they both know "THE TRUTH ABOUT TRUE LOVE"...
So I guess we don't know what love is.... No... We do know and we know that is not it...
Goooooooosh! This topic is making me crazy and upset... LOL... Just know that I feel for you and please KIT and let me know what you decided to do... Even if you don't use my idea.... LOL Keep your head up woman.... I'm in your corner!!!!
Danielle

OMG. Thank you all for your advise and opinions. Well I am bieng very strong and hangin in there. I am taking care of my self. As far as the husband is conserned he is still in the house untill....... its time. I am working on me and well he just comes last. I am dealing with the situation the best that I can for now.
Thank you all again.