Is this completely wrong?

**agirl** · 10-21-2008 03:02 AM

I have been with my guy for 8 years, both are in the Army and our deployment schedules has prevented us from getting married. We have a 2 year old and completely love eachother. I have been deployed for about 11 months and have been sleeping with someone here for about a month. The sex is really good, which is why I'm not convinced to quit. He's married and we both are mature and understand that this won't go past the deployment.
Is this something that makes me a bad person?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-21-2008 03:11 AM

[quote=agirl;59117]I have been with my guy for 8 years, both are in the Army and our deployment schedules has prevented us from getting married. We have a 2 year old and completely love eachother. I have been deployed for about 11 months and have been sleeping with someone here for about a month. The sex is really good, which is why I'm not convinced to quit. He's married and we both are mature and understand that this won't go past the deployment.
Is this something that makes me a bad person?[/quote]

You have to re-read what you wrote.

I think that it makes you a confused person don't you?

How can you be in total love with the man that you have a child too, believe that you should marry, yet carry on with a guy who is married, purely for sex?

Basically, that is what you are saying.

I am lonley, miss my man, so I am sleeping with this guy and that's cool, because he's married so there's no fear there, no commitment.

How would your other half feel? Whilst' he is away thinking that you and his baby are home missing him, waiting for him?

How would this man's wife feel, if she found out that he is sleeping with her and another woman.?

How would you feel laying there making love with your man and all of a sudden you visualise another woman in his bed? And, find out that that was true?

Would you then be able to face him again, let him touch you?

I think you need to call it quits right now, it's undertandable that you are lonely but you are playing with fire, you are dis-respecting your man, sorry but that's my opinion and you are created a fire in a marriage if ever it was to be found out, that will never be able to be put out.

Your two year old is not silly either, if he/she sees you kissing this man, he/she will remember years down the track, just not what it is he/she remembers but can cause problems.

I would personally say this is sad for your man who is fighting and hoping that his woman is there for him waiting.

Sorry...

Not judging you at all, you asked if it is wrong and i am giving you my thoughts on the matter.

The other thing that you have to consider is you may actually fall for this guy, women do, it's emotional you are in a good sexual relationship and he will break your heart, because chances are, he is okay with what is happening, and will never leave his wife.

It's just all a dangerous, tangled web... of deceipt and distruction, that you don't need in your life.

CW

**In-Need** · 10-21-2008 03:54 AM

Originally Posted by agirl

Is this something that makes me a bad person?

I'll say 1 Thing, Lord knows I have my own issues but look at the Question you asked.

You know why you asked that question?

This is the Reason -
Your Conscious Is
Bothering You!
I guarantee if you quit, you'll feel completely good about yourself.

**Lost** · 10-21-2008 03:57 PM

Coming from The Cheated and The Cheater...you know it's wrong! If i were you i would STOP this NOW and be prepared to be honest with Yourself and Your Husband. I'm sorry but there is no way you can be completely in love with your husband and do this to him and your family.

Please seek help. Please ask God to fogive you and ask your husband to forgive you.

Trust me...This will come back to bite you later in life if you do not get serious and stop this NOW. Mark my words: You Will Reap What You Sow.

Good Luck and may God have mercy on you.

**Little** · 10-21-2008 04:42 PM

Coming from a completely dry, military aspect:
You and your lover both could ruin your careers. He's cheating on his wife (there are rules against adultery in the UCMJ) and if you're not the same rank, it's fraternization.
Only you can decide if you're a "bad person," but the military has already decided that what you're doing is unlawful.

**rcoreyus** · 10-21-2008 11:30 PM

I'll be the only one to disagree here - and I know my opinion will be very unpopular.
In some ways, I think its OK. What harm is being done to anyone?

The problem is the strange way people view relationships. Your SO is "trusting" you to not cheat. The harm is in violating that trust, not it what you are doing.

In my case, if my wife were to "cheat" it wouldn't bother me in the slightest (really!). But I know she trusts me not to, and I know it is very important to her, so I don't.

I honestly don't understand why this is so important to people (but it is).

**agirl** · 10-24-2008 06:29 AM

thanks for your replies, nothing any of you said didn't already go thorugh my mind. but i have to thank rcoreyus for being honest and different. I think alot of people think cheathing is bad just because others think it's bad and they worry about what others think of them. I know what I'm doing isn't looked upon as good in any way. But I'm the one deployed, I've been away from home for over 11 months. There is no interest in taking this any further than what we are doing. We started out by being really good friends and when we return, I'm sure we will continue to be friends, but there is no jealousy or any hint of feelings. Well, we care for eachother as friends, but neither of us is looking for anything more. It's true, our rank would cause problems, but since we are older and discrete, there is very little chance we'd ever get caught.
Basically, I have morals and know that it's shitty, but we are both adults, getting by in a terrible environment. I am glad he's mature enough to be comfortable in knowing that we could leave here and still be friends. I wish him well with his family and I really do hope he just lives a happy life.

**N01** · 10-26-2008 01:41 AM

Originally Posted by agirl

... There is no interest in taking this any further than what we are doing. We started out by being really good friends and when we return, I'm sure we will continue to be friends, but there is no jealousy or any hint of feelings. Well, we care for each other as friends, but neither of us is looking for anything more. YET!

It's true, our rank would cause problems, but since we are older and discrete, there is very little chance we'd ever get caught. YOU ARE WRONG! SOMEONE WILL ALWAYS FIND OUT!!!

Basically, I have morals and know that it's ######, but we are both adults, getting by in a terrible environment. I am glad he's mature enough to be comfortable in knowing that we could leave here and still be friends. I wish him well with his family and I really do hope he just lives a happy life.

I can get that you two are seeking each others comfort while in a terrible environment, and to be honest I'm not sure too many of us would be able to resist the temptation given those circumstances.

But you already know it's wrong. What would you do if the tables were turned and it was your SO deployed and he was doing the same with some female soldier?

So, how would you fell about sitting down to dinner with both your SO and your "friends" wife and kids? How would that go for you? You don't need to tell me/us the truth, you need to tell it to yourself.

Sex changes everything about a relationship. Unless of course you really dont care about the other people involved. I get the impression that you do care, and are trying to make it sound like it'll be easier than it really would be.

Stay safe over there, and always make sure your M4 is wet and hot!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-26-2008 02:23 AM

No1
You don't need to tell me/us the truth, you need to tell it to yourself.

I think ultimately, you are "using" the fact that you are deployed, it's 11 months, he is married, you are friends and will be so where is the harm?

I agree with No1... You know "friends with benefits" even when over, will also be "friends" and it shows, in their eyes, voice, or a tell tale "do you remember".

I know you are going to say that will not happen "we are mature" but it is a risk now that you have to take if you assume that you both should be friends after.

Frankly, I would not go down that path.. All it will take is a look, or an email, or a text message noted by your other half and your relationship and maybe even your friend's relationship is going to get caught out in a lie.

I also appreciate time and lonliness, I spent months upon months on my own after separating, ( by choice ) it's not easy and yes temptation is definately always present..

I would ask yourself honestly, how much you really love your S/0 and how you are going to feel making love to him, shortly after, lastly making love to this man..

Have a good think about the future there, and future friendship...

A dangerous game...

CW

**WildChild** · 10-26-2008 04:44 PM

Don't know that I can offer any advice on this, except if you and your SO have an understanding about it that's one thing, if you don't it's another. The fact that felt a need to open a dialog about it says you have doubts.

This isn't a new problem, Robert Heinlein, a well known writer and his wife both came out of a military background and he dealt with this repeatedly in his books. In his stories it was generally an accepted thing that relationships were formed while on active duty to allow the reduction of tension and sexual frustration which could negatively affect soldiers behavior and judgement. In some of his stories sexual activity was required and regulated for this very reason and there were definite guidelines and limitations to the interactions. Obviously he saw this as a serious concern in the military, which needed a realistic and rational solution.

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