Am I doing something wrong?

mburen0001 · 10-21-2008, 03:58 PM

ok so my fiance and I have been the best of friends throughout our relationship. He used to want to spend every waking moment he could with me and I felt the same. Well we have been together for 1 year and 8 months and been living together for 6 months. Recently he just started a new job (a little over a month ago) and several of his old high school buddies work there. (he graduated in '05) Anyways here lately all he wants to do is go out and have "guy" time, while I am stuck at the house. (my car is broke down) He doesnt allow me to go hang out with him and the guys and it bothers me. He has never had any interest in going out or hanging out with anyone except me. I really feel left out and I feel like everything is falling apart due to the fact that I have such an objection to him going out. He says I need to back off and give him space. The first night he went out he said "honey ill be home by 10" then he calls me at 10:30 too drunk to drive home. Now tonight he wants to go over to his friend jasons house and spend the night over there. They are supposed to be playing x-box or something. I dont want him staying over night somewhere but he wont listen to me. When I tell him no he says he will do it anyways just to spite me. I dont think that a guy who is in a committed relationship with his fiance at home should be spending the night anywhere but at home. Am I wrong? Why is he needing space all of a sudden?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-21-2008, 04:12 PM

Romance is a beautiful thing... In the early stages which can be a long time, you only have eyes for each other and only want to be together.

But, you are both young and he has let go of his independence during this period of time, misses it and wants it back.

Two people in a trusting relationship "should" be independent and not fear. You BOTH should have separate friends and should enjoy "me time".

He however, needs to understand that you don't have a car and so you should be organising a girls night, when he wants to play x-box with a mate and crash over and he should firstly drive you there.

Once living together it becomes a "marriage" you are in each other's face daily and all of a sudden you feel like a wife , there are chores, you start sharing some, he does this you do that.

So many relationships fail because it turns into a mundane boring, marriage instead of the exciting girlfriend/boyfriend continual stage....

So, get yourself some friends, if you have let them go during this period, or talk more to the ones you have and be independent as well.

Don't let your household be one of a mundane married couple either, you two should still be having loads of fun when you are together.

If it is stale, then you have to spice it up, because bordom will set in.

And, everyone needs space so "chill" on that note off course he doesn't want a girl amongst a lot of guys.

But, you feel worse because your stuck home..

Don't make the mistake of " he's your husband" and should be sleeping at home with you every night and should not go out as much..

He is your fiancee - not even 2 year boyfriend... and if you closet someone they will try to break free.

CW

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 10-24-2008, 04:24 AM

Bringing up for more opinions... thanks.

CW

N01 · 10-26-2008, 01:05 AM

he is being immature and you are being a little over controlling. I am guessing that the 2 of you are around 21, which is a little young to be living together full time, IMHO. He probably does need space, but you should have some too to make sure you are doing the right thing in moving the relationship ahead. forever is a long time.

**crzyredhead21** · 10-26-2008, 09:44 AM

Yep CW... the boredom is awful!!!!

mburen... you are in a tough spot. You can't tell him not to keep doing these things.. he'll just come to resent you later. I would give this "engagement" more thought. I thought at that stage in the relationship that that's what I wanted too...... I thank my lucky stars everyda that I'm not married to that man! Really think about! I can't remember who said it on this site but here's a good quote.

" Don't get into somthing it takes a lawyer to get out of."

**anonymouswhitefemale** · 10-26-2008, 09:59 AM

It sounds like you're being completely controlling.

He should be allowed to have his own friends, and he should definately be allowed to spend time with them without you. Couples need time apart, and they need time away from each others company. So he goes out a bit? So what? Maybe you should get a life and make some friends of your own.

If you don't see each other all the time it will bring you closer, you'll actually want to spend time together, rather than it just being the norm.

No matter how perfect someone is for you, they aren't the only person in the world. There's so many people, experiences and things to do that it seems criminal to chain yourselves together into a life of mundanity.

It seems like you're really pushing him with this issue, keep it up and see how long he stays around for.

**Little** · 10-26-2008, 10:51 AM

First of all, I agree that you're being too controlling.
But I also think that if he says he'll be home at a certain hour, he should be there. Or just not tell you when he's coming home! That's one of my pet peeves. If you're not coming home at 10, don't say you are. If you're staying over somewhere, just tell me so! Or don't tell me at all ... and if I ask, just tell me you don't know.
Where are your girl friends? Is your car still broken down? Get it fixed, go out and see your girlfriends, and recapture your life. Have you ever met his friends? Has he ever met yours? Maybe after you start getting your life back, he'd be comfortable having you hang out with his friends ... sometimes. People DO need time apart, especially when they live together.
He's doing things deliberately to spite you because he doesn't agree with your decisions and probably doesn't feel that you should be able to "tell him no." You're not his mother. There aren't many men who want to marry a woman who's just like his mother. So instead of asking him to stay home with you ... ask him to help you fix your car. And then ask yourself ... do you REALLY want to play Xbox anyways?

10-21-2008, 03:58 PM	#1
mburen0001 Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Fordsville, Kentucky Posts: 17	Am I doing something wrong? ok so my fiance and I have been the best of friends throughout our relationship. He used to want to spend every waking moment he could with me and I felt the same. Well we have been together for 1 year and 8 months and been living together for 6 months. Recently he just started a new job (a little over a month ago) and several of his old high school buddies work there. (he graduated in '05) Anyways here lately all he wants to do is go out and have "guy" time, while I am stuck at the house. (my car is broke down) He doesnt allow me to go hang out with him and the guys and it bothers me. He has never had any interest in going out or hanging out with anyone except me. I really feel left out and I feel like everything is falling apart due to the fact that I have such an objection to him going out. He says I need to back off and give him space. The first night he went out he said "honey ill be home by 10" then he calls me at 10:30 too drunk to drive home. Now tonight he wants to go over to his friend jasons house and spend the night over there. They are supposed to be playing x-box or something. I dont want him staying over night somewhere but he wont listen to me. When I tell him no he says he will do it anyways just to spite me. I dont think that a guy who is in a committed relationship with his fiance at home should be spending the night anywhere but at home. Am I wrong? Why is he needing space all of a sudden?

10-21-2008, 04:12 PM	#2
CHANDLERS WISH WH Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 9,910 Blog Entries: 7	Romance is a beautiful thing... In the early stages which can be a long time, you only have eyes for each other and only want to be together. But, you are both young and he has let go of his independence during this period of time, misses it and wants it back. Two people in a trusting relationship "should" be independent and not fear. You BOTH should have separate friends and should enjoy "me time". He however, needs to understand that you don't have a car and so you should be organising a girls night, when he wants to play x-box with a mate and crash over and he should firstly drive you there. Once living together it becomes a "marriage" you are in each other's face daily and all of a sudden you feel like a wife , there are chores, you start sharing some, he does this you do that. So many relationships fail because it turns into a mundane boring, marriage instead of the exciting girlfriend/boyfriend continual stage.... So, get yourself some friends, if you have let them go during this period, or talk more to the ones you have and be independent as well. Don't let your household be one of a mundane married couple either, you two should still be having loads of fun when you are together. If it is stale, then you have to spice it up, because bordom will set in. And, everyone needs space so "chill" on that note off course he doesn't want a girl amongst a lot of guys. But, you feel worse because your stuck home.. Don't make the mistake of " he's your husband" and should be sleeping at home with you every night and should not go out as much.. He is your fiancee - not even 2 year boyfriend... and if you closet someone they will try to break free. CW __________________ Do we not realise that in order to find a soul It doesn't happen over night if truth were to be told Like everything in life that's hard to achieve you must believe! Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

10-24-2008, 04:24 AM	#3
CHANDLERS WISH WH Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 9,910 Blog Entries: 7	Bringing up for more opinions... thanks. CW __________________ Do we not realise that in order to find a soul It doesn't happen over night if truth were to be told Like everything in life that's hard to achieve you must believe! Register! \| Rules/FAQ \| Contact Mod

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10-26-2008, 01:05 AM	#4
N01 Banned from WH Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 809	he is being immature and you are being a little over controlling. I am guessing that the 2 of you are around 21, which is a little young to be living together full time, IMHO. He probably does need space, but you should have some too to make sure you are doing the right thing in moving the relationship ahead. forever is a long time.

10-26-2008, 09:44 AM	#5
crzyredhead21 Silver Contributor 100+ Posts Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: California Baby! :) Posts: 182 Blog Entries: 1	Yep CW... the boredom is awful!!!! mburen... you are in a tough spot. You can't tell him not to keep doing these things.. he'll just come to resent you later. I would give this "engagement" more thought. I thought at that stage in the relationship that that's what I wanted too...... I thank my lucky stars everyda that I'm not married to that man! Really think about! I can't remember who said it on this site but here's a good quote. " Don't get into somthing it takes a lawyer to get out of."

10-26-2008, 09:59 AM	#6
anonymouswhitefemale May 2008 "Poster of the Month" Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 1,419 Blog Entries: 2	It sounds like you're being completely controlling. He should be allowed to have his own friends, and he should definately be allowed to spend time with them without you. Couples need time apart, and they need time away from each others company. So he goes out a bit? So what? Maybe you should get a life and make some friends of your own. If you don't see each other all the time it will bring you closer, you'll actually want to spend time together, rather than it just being the norm. No matter how perfect someone is for you, they aren't the only person in the world. There's so many people, experiences and things to do that it seems criminal to chain yourselves together into a life of mundanity. It seems like you're really pushing him with this issue, keep it up and see how long he stays around for.

10-26-2008, 10:51 AM	#7
Little WH Junior Administrator Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: whjuniorad[at]hotmail[dot]com Posts: 1,559 Blog Entries: 4	First of all, I agree that you're being too controlling. But I also think that if he says he'll be home at a certain hour, he should be there. Or just not tell you when he's coming home! That's one of my pet peeves. If you're not coming home at 10, don't say you are. If you're staying over somewhere, just tell me so! Or don't tell me at all ... and if I ask, just tell me you don't know. Where are your girl friends? Is your car still broken down? Get it fixed, go out and see your girlfriends, and recapture your life. Have you ever met his friends? Has he ever met yours? Maybe after you start getting your life back, he'd be comfortable having you hang out with his friends ... sometimes. People DO need time apart, especially when they live together. He's doing things deliberately to spite you because he doesn't agree with your decisions and probably doesn't feel that you should be able to "tell him no." You're not his mother. There aren't many men who want to marry a woman who's just like his mother. So instead of asking him to stay home with you ... ask him to help you fix your car. And then ask yourself ... do you REALLY want to play Xbox anyways?