Devestated At Husband's Cheating
i thought that i was happily married, well, i am. i just found out a few moments ago that my husband has been cheating on me. he went on business to another country twice, and since he got back i noticed something different that was months ago. i kept asking is all ok, i asked why do i get a sense that something is wrong. and he kept saying nothing, its stress and so on. i eventually just came out and asked him if he had been cheating on me and he laughed at it and just brushed it off with a no which suggested that i was being silly. i noticed a distance between us and i just took it that it was the stress of his job and so on. then i noticed a decline in our sex life. he is usually the one complaining that we dont have enough sex, complaining in a good sense cause we had a healthy sex life, but too much is still not enough for a man. lately i am the one initiating the sex, touching and so on mostly with no success. i even asked why were we not having alot of sex and he said stress. i then thought he is cheating but here of course, and it wouldnt be the first time as he has before. then tonight, i went onto his email and found emails from this other woman from this other country and last week mails from someone around here, dont know her but figured she is from around here from the mails. i immediately called him to confront him, and he first pretended that he didnt know who she is, then i read to him his replies to her in which he referred to her as his wife, cause she made up a mail address with his name and our surname and put her name and our surname in the from part of the mail. he then tried to cover it up, but he couldnt. i told him that when he gets back from work, i want him to pack and leave tonight. tomorrow when i wake up i dont want to find him here. im thinking that on monday i am contacting a divorce lawyer and im getting rid of him. it will be the sixth affair he has had in our almost 12year marriage. PLEASE HELP!!
You decided not to divorce him after the last 5 affairs, is this one different? You certainly have a right to divorce him if you want, just you should think about it first. You didn't leave after the first 5. On the other hand, if there have been 6, there will almost certainly be 7,8,9...
I think the un-known of where you will go, what you will do, can you cope financially, is there anyone out there better, can sometimes cloud a person's judgement as to why they "accept" something bad, over again.
But, the problem is each time you accepted, it , it allowed him to do it again, because you accepted it.
You probably have threated Divorce before right? And, didn't go through with it and even if you haven't he may not necessarily believe you this time that you will.
Off course, deny, deny, because unless you have proof, they can deny.
It doesn't seem like he has one, but "two" on the go... And, meanwhile, you are missing out on both your husband and what comes with that, as well as intimacy because he is "playing".. so it's not important to please you.
Do you think if you sat him down and said "that's enough" you've dis-respected me 6 times now, you think that, i deserve that? That he would stop?
Only you can decide if you are worth more than that and if you deserve to find happiness with someone out there that will love you and only you.
Truth is you do...
But, you need the strength to understand that you do and honestly, apart from not making love to you, does he do anything else, does he help you with the kids, around the house, make you laugh, take you out?
If the answers are no, then you should look in the mirror and say well then, i am strong and beautiful and can find better...
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
No doubt you had reasons for letting this go on, but unless you have agreed to an open marriage, this is a bit over the top. By all means cut him loose, go get checked for STDs, and get into counseling to figure out why you put up with this for so long. If you don't it will happen again.
I'm not sure why you waited so long, but I am very sorry you are going through this.
Take it from experience, you are doing the right thing in kicking him out divorce is probably the best option The two of you have to admit there are problems in order to fix them, because If only one of you wants to go to counseling or wants to make this work the marraige is doomed. I am currently married almost 9 years, but am going through something similar, I am filing for divorce. This is the most painful thing I've ever had to go through besides a death in the family.
But I do truely believe that things happen for a reason, look ahead and know that yes things are probably going to get worse before they get better, but you will be much happier in the long run!
My heart goes out to anyone who has suffered thru a spouse being unfaithful. I can see forgiving him the first time, but when he is a repeat offender, I would dissolve the marriage. Maybe in some cases it becomes a sex addiction. It also leaves you vulnerable to STD's. And what about any children that result in these affairs, then he will be financially responsible for them. Is he worth all of these potential outcomes?
I'm sorry that your husband was unfaithful.
I had gone through the same thing. I caught my hubby cheating on me with my best friend and just recently divorced. After that was over, I decided to sell the diamond engagement ring he gave me to ....................to get some closure.
I still need to heal but selling the ring helped. Why do all men cheat!
Last edited by CHANDLERS WISH; 11-07-2008 at 02:40 AM. Reason: outbound links not allowed
All men don't cheat! But you do tend to get what you expect from people. For every man that cheats there has to be a partner, usually a woman. So just as many women as men are involved. I've been cheated on too but I don't carry the blame past the people involved.
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