Divorce and children

**Jenny123** · 11-01-2008 02:19 PM

I have posted before about my separation that soon turned towards divorce. It has only been about a month since this began and during that time I've been on a hectic emotional roller coaster! I am 31 years old and he is 30 years old. My soon to be ex-husband told me to leave the house and take only my clothes because I have been a stay at home mom for nearly the whole 8 1/2 years of marriage, which was the decision of both of us to hold off on my career so he could make the money and I would take care of our 3 kids.
We've had ups and downs throughout and always the same things...his heavy drinking,lying,gambling,his spending beyond our needs, and on my part my attitude towards those things. He lies about where he's going, who he's with, he says now because I wouldn't try to understand and instead I would get irrational and be impossible to be around.
The truth to that it would be hard, but if you love somebody you TRY to be objective, and for me the constant lying has ruined the 100% trust that I should have for my husband.
He's made me feel so beneath him now....he says I can't pay for the house and cars because I have no job! The whole time blaming me for this whole thing to everyone he chose to tell because I've made him miserable where he feels he has to lie so he wants out. I knew there was more to that and I know I wasn't the only one messing up this marriage, but still he claimed that he does everything and more for me, case and point he makes money and "buys" me material things to "show' me his love for me, and again since I don't have a job I couldn't buy him things therefore I didn't love him or cared for him!
Yesterday morning I called and texted him for nearly 2 hours because the night before he was supposed to come to where I was to drop something off for one of my kids and trade cars, he never did, so I decided to go to the house myself. Got there with my kids walking. He walks out of the master bedroom as he closes the door behind him, I was still confused and asked who's car is that in front? no answer...It clicks...Is there somebody there? I walk in turn on the light and there is a girl in our bed with a toddler!!!!!!!!!!!!
My kids start screaming and crying!!!!!I slapped him a few times called him some names, walked in again and asked who are you? she says "you know who I am" I realize its his bosses 24 year old daughter! I quickly get my kids, get them in the car and leave!
I feel so infuriated and heart broken!!!!!!!!
My kids are so upset and have been crying off and on since yesterday!!!!
The 10 and 7 year old are taking it worse, my youngest is 4 and doesn't quite understand.
I am sleeping on my sisters couch with my kids on the floor while he lives in a 4 bedroom 2-story house that he claims he has rights to everything!

**WildChild** · 11-01-2008 11:08 PM

Get An Attorney! Go back to the house while he is out, get an order to remove him and have it served. He can pay the bills while you are waiting for the divorce to go through. You may have to sell the house eventually but it will be easier on the kids to be in their rooms in their house. Why are you letting him call the shots? Do what is best for your kids!!! Their upset comes as much or from a combination of your reactions, and disruption in their lives. He is manipulative and you have to not only divorce yourself from him, you have to divorce yourself from his control.

Him, a woman and a toddler in the bed - that's a bit over the top. It's one thing if your own children crawl into your bed, it's quite another to have a child in bed with an unrelated person you are having sexual relations with. Obviously this woman has no more sense than he does. HE doesn't deserve your consideration but your children deserve better than this. Get a lawyer and get them back into their home.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-02-2008 02:22 AM

Emotional blackmail.

The more he puts you down and blames you, the more he convinces you that it's your fault, you have no money, you don't buy him presents, you can only take your clothes and leave, with (3 children) his children too... is his way of destroying you further, making you feel that he is right, or at the least, making you weak and therefore none challenging.

Get a laywer - WC that's a definate.

Get a locksmith - THAT is what I would do and march his clothes out there on the lawn and re-claim your right as the mother of his three children to live in that house with those children..

This may result in a restraining order, so ensure that you tell all your family and even ask someone from your family to stay with you for a couple of weeks there, this is something that is bold ( but beautiful) let him challenge you IN THE COURTS.

Your children are at an age, where they will be believed as to what they saw, I am gobsmacked at his ignorance and deliberance, but more so over the fact that he does not care where his children stay.

I do.. You do... do it.

Change the locks and have a family member stay with you and as I said, if need be get a restraining order and let the courts sort it out as WildChild stated.A

Be brave, strong, for your children. You can do it. They need their rooms back, toys, love... You can give that to them and they are the most important thing the Courts would find you to be looking after your children.

And you text him.. Don't care what I think about you and your mistress, I care about OUR children and their stability.

We will work this out in the Courts, in the meantime, enjoy your daliences and you go sleep on a floor somewhere.. ( where you belong or in the gutter) sorry , sometimes, a thread really peeves me off and this one does.

Don't think about what we both said, rather DO IT.

It's time you realised that all you did was get married and have his children and that is what you did, you became a housewife, a Mother, a cleaner, a cook, and a sexual partner... He provided the income good on him.

Get, do it whilst he is at work.

CW

**Jenny123** · 11-03-2008 10:59 PM

Thanx for the support and advice I did speak with an attorney that same day If living there causes more pain for me and my kids (which my kids stated they no longer wanted to go back) I shouldn't stay...I did tell my soon to be ex-husband that he needs to buy me a car and get me a place which he is and he is giving me money also so for now he is cooperating....I'm sure it's the guilt! now I didn't state before that he got fired and he's digging himself deeper, which I told him he did to himself nobody else. I am feeling a bit better now because I have to tell myself that I will be better off and maybe things do happen for a reason which I'm not sure what it is yet but every night I do lay down I tell myself that tomorrow will be better than today...it makes me wonder if anybody has ever been through a similar situation and what has come of it?

**Lakerat** · 11-03-2008 11:22 PM

Jenny this is a pretty brutal place to be and it may get worse before it gets better.
As hard as it is on you its 10 times harder on your kids....do you have family close by? You do need some kind of support finanicaly or (and ) emotionally.
This kind of really pisses me off.The things children see and hear can really affect them in the years to come. (deep breath) be strong and the less said in front of the children the better.

As for what he tells everybody I wouldnt spend to much time thinking on that....The truth always comes out in the end. And theres nothing most people like better than gossip...and their opinions dont matter in the end.

I wish you the best...

**MichelleB** · 11-03-2008 11:41 PM

take it day by day, but glad you got an attorney!

Thread: Divorce and children

LinkBack

Thread Tools

Search Thread

Display

Divorce and children

Bookmarks

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions