Accepting his female friends
I met my boyfriend through my sister. About 6 years ago she dated his friend and they all always hung out. Even after his friend and my sister stopped dating, they all stayed in touch. So my sister has always considered my boyfriend a very good friend, he even came over on Christmas a few years ago and that is when he asked me on a date and it has been good since then. I inform you of this because at times I feel like I should realize he is able to be just friends with women cause my sister is an example...
I have a problem with these new women that he befriends. My guy is a very friendly and outgoing person, one of the things I have admired. He thinks it is no problem to meet a girl and if he thinks she is friendly then get her number. I have the biggest problem in the world with this. I do not feel secure with this. He has not got a girls number from the bar, store or just being out, only from work or former co-workers that he may run into. I have a problem with it. But trying to work on myself and accept it, I atleast want boundries, he says his boundries are "he won't stick "sleep" with her, he don't stick his tounge down her throat, and he don't share emotions and intimate feelings with her. I feel the boundries should be more than that. I don't want him getting girls number left and right.
We are seeking counseling for this because we are on the verge of breaking up if we do not stop arguing about it.
I feel disrespected. I hate the thought of my mans number in a girls phone. Am I being selfish. I know I am insecure. I trust that he is not sleeping with these women but I am jealous to think he is connecting on any level with another woman. How do I deal with my jealousy.
Because of my jealousy and insecurities I am ruining a good relationship.
Also, I know how I feel and I have expressed it a millions times to him, but when we go to counseling I want to make my points in a way he has not heard before. I want new things to say or new ways to say them. Please help
It seems he likes female friends, likes to flirt - maybe more, but probably doesn't cheat. I don't think you can change him, and if you try he will just resent it. You need to decide if you can be happy with someone like this. If not, maybe you are just not compatible.
that's right you may not be compatable.... what stops you from meeting new friends guys and gals? Maybe you just need to get out and meet new people. I realize some of these girls may take his friendlyness as something more so i see why it upsets you. Really you should go out and meet new ppl too.
Ya gotta make life happen for ya not to ya
Thank you. I am okay with meeting new people and I will take your advice. I like the last sentence, that is so true.Originally Posted by Joy
that's right you may not be compatable.... what stops you from meeting new friends guys and gals? Maybe you just need to get out and meet new people. I realize some of these girls may take his friendlyness as something more so i see why it upsets you. Really you should go out and meet new ppl too.
Ya gotta make life happen for ya not to ya
Joy always has a positive way to approach things! If this is how he is, then it's how he is. The light of my life, is a tease and a bit of a flirt but we have an agreement to a monogamous relationship and I trust him implicitly to keep that. I wouldn't be in the relationship if I couldn't trust him. You have to have a balance, is your bf mature enough to stay in control of himself? Does he have a problem with alcohol or drugs or with being secretive? Those could be issues but other wise you are going to have look inside yourself and determine how trusting you are of him. You can't have a good relationship without trust.
tks Wild child
good luck!
Hi Torn2pieces, I too have had similar problems with my boyfriend's female friends and I know that part of it is that I can't stand the thought of him having a "special" relationship with them that he does not have with me. He doesn't see these women on his own but just talks to them on the phone. One woman, I can't stand because she treats me like I'm invisible so he is slowly moving away from her (she used to be a co-worker but found a job with another company). The other one is an ex-girlfriend whose son is best friends with her son. I have met her in a social situation and thought that she was quite nice. And because she takes my boyfriend's son off of our hands quite a bit, I do see an advantage to letting them have their friendship. At no time did my boyfriend have a problem with me meeting any of his friends. I think what you have to ask yourself is, does he include me in these friendships occasionally or is it mostly kept from you? If so then I wouldn't be okay with it. Also his boundaries are too loose for my liking - so he can't stick his toungue down her throat or have sex with her but can do all kinds of other things? I would absolutely have a problem with that.
You are both doing a very good thing by going for counselling, it shows that you both have a vested interest in staying in the relationship. I also agree that getting out & finding new friends and expanding your social circle will help somewhat but this issue will still keep rearing its ugly head. I would tread very carefully and not committ to this guy until you have the issue cleared up. Take your time and really think about what you want in a relationship. Sometimes people may not be compatible because different things set them off, and the ensuing arguments destroy the relationship. Some women may have absolutely no problem with what he does and if he does not change it, you may not be able to endure.
Keep the counselling going and good luck to the both of you.
CMD
honey, i dont personally believe that it is a good relationship if he is still befriending other girls even though he knows you have a problem with this.
He may be very innocent and not even consider these friendships as serious flirting but if you let him know that you are not comfortable about this and he still carries on, then he may not be the right guy.
relationships are about building trust and security and if he cant give you that, then its' not happy relationship.
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