I just caught my husband cheating Now what do I do

**boo4u** · 11-08-2008 09:33 AM

My husband left for work this morning and forgot his cell phone. His girlfrien sent 5 text messages - Hugs and kisses, I must have a sleepy boyfriend, and then she left a voicemail Hey Babe- what's the deal you should be on your way to work- Love you. He showed up to pick up his cell phone and I blew up with You are busted - get the out. He said it was one of his sisters friends. His sister doesnt even live here. He cheated on me before we were married 15 years ago. What do I do now? We have a 17 year old and a 13 year old and I am lost?

**rcoreyus** · 11-08-2008 11:03 AM

I'm very sorry about what you found out. But - why did you read his messages?

**ChelseaRenee** · 11-09-2008 10:32 PM

I'm so sorry that happened to you.

But for the most part once a cheater, always a cheater. Please don't go back to him...He'll do it again.

Rcoreyus...Is that really the most important thing about her post? lol She violated his trust by checking his phone, he violated hers by doing someone else.

**rcoreyus** · 11-10-2008 12:11 AM

I think it is important because I think that once trust is gone, the relationship is doomed. Whether or not someone cheated, if you feel you can't trust them you are missing what is (to me) one of the most important parts of love.

I'm not blaming her - she may have already had good reason not to trust. But if that was the case, I think its better to leave, rather than drag things out looking for evidence.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-10-2008 01:15 AM

Fifteen years is a long time.

If you established this on this occasion and the last time was 15 years ago then you have to had, had " no gut feelings" over the past 15 years that he has strayed since that time until now, and things have been rosy yes?

Or have they... How is your marriage, that's the important factor, do you love him? Has he treated you right, do you both embrase and say you love each other still?

Or, are you both living in a house together?

It's more about the reality of how you feel and have felt and if you are simply just "being" instead of living....

I am not saying he did or didn't cheat, she could be a real flirt and just texts him all the time for all you know... It happens even when they are married and they accept, because everyone needs to feel needed.

So, ask yourself first if you are happy have been happy and things are great and you couldn't live without this man.

If not, then ask yourself if it could be changed and if not, then you are purely both just "living" and that's not good for either of you...

CW

**ChelseaRenee** · 11-10-2008 05:45 AM

Originally Posted by rcoreyus

I think it is important because I think that once trust is gone, the relationship is doomed. Whether or not someone cheated, if you feel you can't trust them you are missing what is (to me) one of the most important parts of love.

I'm not blaming her - she may have already had good reason not to trust. But if that was the case, I think its better to leave, rather than drag things out looking for evidence.

I totally agree, but 15 years is such a long time...Could you honestly say after years upon years together that you would throw it all away on suspicion and not want that confirmation? I'm only making the point because a lot of people say things like this in these types of situations, but I think until you're there, you can't really say you'd just up and leave without the facts. Seems really unlikely that you'd never snoop... :P

**silvertae** · 11-10-2008 06:29 AM

If my boyfriend's not around (he's in the shower, napping, etc) and his cellphone rings with a text message I sometimes read it to see if it's important or not. It doesn't come from a position of mistrust and he doesn't mind.

To the OP, I have no advice unfortunately. I've never been in a situation like that so I really don't know what I would do.

**Joy** · 11-10-2008 10:36 AM

Yeah 5 texts and a message.... ya that's no sisters friend. I think i've realized cheating is a form of escapizm for some ppl.... they create this second life so they don't have to deal with their real life and the real problems they face...

I would have checked my bf's phone as well to see if important so i coudl contact him at work. i have no problem my bf can check my phone anytime he wishes.

again cheating is about the other person.... don't take this on as something you lack in. Its something they lack in like RESTRAINT.

If this is a deal breaker get the answer s you want to get the closure you need.

**rcoreyus** · 11-10-2008 11:12 AM

I think that after 15 years it would take a lot to make me suspicious. (I've been married for >20 and there have been lots of things that could be viewed as suspicious (on both sides), but I trust her and don't snoop). I just think that once you start snooping, eventually you will find something that looks bad (even if it really is innocent).

As a side note, if it is normal in the household to pick up each other's phones, that's fine. Accidentally stumbling onto something is (to me) very different from intentionally going looking.

Originally Posted by ChelseaRenee

I totally agree, but 15 years is such a long time...Could you honestly say after years upon years together that you would throw it all away on suspicion and not want that confirmation? I'm only making the point because a lot of people say things like this in these types of situations, but I think until you're there, you can't really say you'd just up and leave without the facts. Seems really unlikely that you'd never snoop... :P

**Jewels6** · 11-10-2008 06:51 PM

Please leave him,he doesn't love you.Anyone that loves doesn't cheat. You deserve so much better, all I can say is "Leave Him"

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