Thread: Wedding or Not?

Wedding or Not, Here it Comes: Preventing Pre-Marriage Panic

By: Karen Barrow

Here comes the bride, all dressed in white, stressed out and frazzled. Weddings are supposed to be magical—the dress, the flowers, the perfect family smiling as you promise to cherish the love of your life always. But just the thought of everything that goes into the big day can send couples running to the nearest justice of the peace to elope.
How do you keep your nerves from getting frayed when your entire life is changing? Elaine Cole, MA, licensed Family and Marriage Therapist and member of the California Association of Marriage and Family explains that the key is open communication and perspective.

Why is a planning a wedding so stressful?
The pre-wedding stress is all that comes before the wedding date. When you think about it, a wedding is 20 to 30 years of hopes and dreams all in a six-hour time frame. The wedding day represents unlimited possibilities and new beginnings; there's so much stress because the evening has got to be right.

What factors cause pre-wedding stress?
Saying "I do" opens some doors but closes other. Vows are taken of promises of dedication and obligation to another person. A couple promises fidelity for a lifetime and that infidelity door closes. The other item of pre-wedding stress is expectations about the actual event are so high. A couple works a long time to make everything perfect. And they want to please everyone all the time. Additionally, introducing new people in a family can be very challenging. Making room for new families comes with a challenge, even if both sides dearly love the couple.


How do you prevent pre-wedding stress?
It's natural to be stressed before the wedding. Factor it in. It's going to happen.

Something really important about wedding stress is that there's also post-wedding stress. The couple often feels sad, and they don't mention it because they're embarrassed to think something is wrong after the wedding. The planning stages are intense, the wedding is a blur, the honeymoon can be plagued with conversations about what went wrong. It is important for couples to anticipate this, expect it and welcome the post-wedding blues as part of the package.

What I recommend to my premarital couples is to be aware of this, talk about all the possible stress factors and anticipate them. Know that they will occur. There are small occurrences like misspelled names, flowers not exactly as ordered, a few people that failed to respond to an RSVP and unhappy bridesmaids. These things will happen and they need to be factored into the wedding plans.

What are some signs of pre-wedding stress?
Worry is a sign of stress. Couples worry about who will and who will not make the A-list, or will grandma feel well enough to come to the wedding. Doubt is another sign of stress: "Am I doing the right thing?"


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