Was just asked for divorce

**Passion** · 11-17-2008 12:17 AM

Today, my husband of two years and boyfriend of 15 just asked me for a divorce. I was shocked as only last week we seemed happy. I don't know what just happened. But I feel lost, confused, and alone. He was my very best friend, the love of my life. He told me was not happy and feels that we are not going anywhere. In the last two days he seemed very distant from me, I thought it might had been his work. How do I stop loving him, how do I stop thinking about him, How do I keep going. He was my first boyfriend my only one. He told me he felt this way for a long time now but he felt guilty leaving me. We don't have any kids, haven't been able to and that has been a topic in the past. I feel like now haven't being able to have children and not having the man who I wanted to grow old with, I feel like there is nothing for me out there. How do I erase all those years of loving him how do i. I asked him to go to counseling with me he said it was too late. I've supported him in his downs I was the only women and person in his life who he was able to count on unconditionally. Last two weeks I also wrote a thread on him having a female friend whom I felt she was too comfortable talking to him. I love him so much and I know I need to let him go but how do I? I dont want him to be in a relationship that he no longer wants to be in. Help I feel like i can't survive this my life has always been with him. I love him so much he meant the world to me

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-17-2008 12:36 AM

It seems that you handled the situation with the other woman really well and you state that you found talking the best way, not arguing and that he had stated that there was nothing for you to worry about.

But, now he seems to make alternative comments, such as he is not happy and feels it is going no where after 15 years?

I am so sorry, I know you feel like your whole world has crashed down on you right now but you need to tell him that's not good enough, you can tell me why, seeing as we have always talked and been open and 15 years is 15 years of my life too.

Perhaps this young lady has got to him, perhaps he thinks the grass is greener only to find out later it is not.

You are fortunate and you don't know that now but later, that you didn't have a child to him having to see him for the rest of your life if he turns out to be a .....

So, for now, you want the truth, what isn't working, what is it that he is not happy with to start with.

You also need to look after yourself, don't beat yourself up.

There is something not being said.

CW

**Passion** · 11-17-2008 12:48 AM

I know this is the end. He said that he tried to be in a relationship that I did not put effort in. He said that It wasn' t me that it was him. He could not look in my eyes. He did this over the phone. He said that if he faced me I would probably change his mine he wouldn't be able to do it as he would see me cry. We have dogs together and as I left the house to go to stay at my mom's they all looked at me, it saddened me. He and the dogs we were a family. But I couldn't bare to stay alone in a house that I shared with him. I don't know if he will go home. But I won't be able to.

**happy ending** · 11-17-2008 12:51 AM

wow passion, thats i feel very sad for you, are you sure there's not something or someone else going on?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 11-17-2008 02:21 AM

Originally Posted by Passion

I know this is the end. He said that he tried to be in a relationship that I did not put effort in. He said that It wasn' t me that it was him. He could not look in my eyes. He did this over the phone. He said that if he faced me I would probably change his mine he wouldn't be able to do it as he would see me cry. We have dogs together and as I left the house to go to stay at my mom's they all looked at me, it saddened me. He and the dogs we were a family. But I couldn't bare to stay alone in a house that I shared with him. I don't know if he will go home. But I won't be able to.

You know that Women have intuition yeah? And, you did, you do... Even the poster above me used her intuition... You have left the house, he will go home your dogs will be ok...

I am again sorry " IT'S NOT YOU IT'S ME" is THE most strongest line in the books of trying to make someone else feel better. The, " You didn't put effort in" is the blame game, of his guilt..

Something has happened I am sorry but it has... Someone has shown him something to make him leave, without cheating...A way where he can feel NOT GUILTY but he is hey... He flirted with women all the way through the last few years, and finally one caught his attraction.

The thing that you have to realise is 15 years is A LONG TIME, and his love will not, can not just disappear... For the time being he is in a world of his own, probably the relationship was lots of love on your behalf, cleaning , cooking, pleasing but stale on both behalfs maybe? What do you think?

You can still fight by saying well, go explore see how you feel, the grass isn't greener on the other side, especially when they take you from a wife, they will then ditch you for another...

See if I prefer to accept this after, and be a vixon again, with you, or with someone else.

That is exactly what I would be stating.

A deserving man will always work with what he has with love, a non-deserving guy will not... You may be young enough and lucky enough to find this out now, not 10 years further down the track.

All bad things have good.

Have a think and as I said, stop beating yourself up...

CW

**Passion** · 11-17-2008 09:03 AM

A couple of days ago he asked me to move to Mexico a land that we both are unfamiliar with. He said that he needed something else another landmark in his life. He asked if I would go with him. I felt uneasy but I said yes. He said that fear has not allowed him to do things that he wanted to two years ago he quit his job to pursue his career in art. I supported him financially. This girl, I think he is illusioned by her as she is also an artist and probably understands him more than anyone but she does not understand. That is besides the point, because he told me that if our bond and marriage was strong enough he would never think of divorce. I am trying to be strong let him go because I love him and because he has meant the world to me. I can't deny that I am scared of life without him not because I can't take care of myself but because he became family and he was my best friend. I did not even have a last hug. I will miss him dearly. I had such a hard time sleeping tonight wondering were he was with, with whom, wondering if he was going to be okay. One thing, though he has gone through phases where he becomes emotionally unstable. One time he walked all the way to san diego from Los angeles without telling anyone and without any money. He said he does not want to live with regrets. What do I do, I know I need to move forward put effort into myself but how.

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