Thread: Need some help w/emotions during separation

well, you first have to understand that it isnt you causing the pain, it's something that the both of you contributed to in one way or another. Seperations are not usually only one persons fault, and from what you have written here and in other posts, he has an awful lot of responsibility for whats going on.

you should feel however you really feel, and dont feel bad for feeling that way.

it's gonna hurt for awhile, just realize that and begin to work on your new life. it'll take time but it will happen, as long as you want it to.

Originally Posted by N01

well, you first have to understand that it isnt you causing the pain, it's something that the both of you contributed to in one way or another.

Exactly, N01, Searching, I've been following your post some, you know that.

I haven't been dealing with my issues the best but they are totally different and I'm determined not to give up regardless of the feelings. Feelings are just that, feelings, we can not always trust them because just 1 word can change all that, so many times it has, has it not?

He's selfish, and I don't say that to put him down, but I'm going by what you said. What I'm saying think about that as you communicate with him. You, you have been putting what you feel is so much on the giving end. You deserve to be on the receiving end. If ever you (with him) are on the receiving end you will know that, you will feel it because you haven't been, hope I'm making sense?

It appears it's 1 sided at the table so therefore it's probably been 1 sided everywhere else.
I at times in my 22 yrs of marriage remember being the way he was at the table but I didn't stay there, that's the difference. Tell him Searching what you told us, tell him, please, you need to lay it out to him. If you don't point some of this out he won't know truly how you are feeling!

You're going to have to learn to do what you want not what everyone else wants. No, you don't become uncaring but for you to succeed you'll have to be happy with you, will you not?
Quit blaming yourself, it's a 2 way street.

Like N01 1 said you are feeling perfectly normal, you are not some strange creature that fell off another planet.

But, you have not gone back so take courage in that today, then tomorrow, you see? Don't borrow troubles from tomorrow, tomorrow will take care of it self

Women will know more of your emotions right now more than I do, but I do feel your pain and I do believe it's your turn to go for the dream or dreams, whatever those might be. Maybe you have not tho't about those, so if you haven't you need to. Could be that's where you need to focus so you will have a goal to work on. Not you 2 but just you, sit down and write it on paper or here if you want.

Stay encouraged!

You and I are truly sisters on this forum! I went and saw my ex last nite. Was the same thing. I walked out of the house feeling like a bum for making him and his famil hurt so much! I felt soo selfish.
It's really hard this path that we have chosen. To be this selfish. Sometimes it seems easier to just go back and try to mend things. But I think we both know deep down that our men will not change for us. Not in the way we need. You need to fin dyourself.. find what makes YOU happy. Unfortunatley that does entail hurting other people right now. But like a told a friend earlier.. You are the MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN YOUR LIFE. Not him, not his family.. you!
I know where you're at righ tnow. Last night I seriously considered going back. You and I are vulnerable right now... easily manipulated. Dont let his emotions rule yours. Remember why you left..... dont let him sway you with talk about all the good times... about how he'll change. You know this is not what you want out of life..You deserve happiness!