I wasn't expecting anymore responses I thought my story was too old... I would like to reply to indecisive first. My relationship with my Gym guy is not just physical, we are best friends and I have to admit I'm totally in love with him and he's totally in love with me. We don't know what to do. We are both with good partners (in good but not great relationships) and don't want to hurt them. I have plans with my husband. There is a lot to be said for not starting these things in the first place. However, I don't think I can see how I could have resisted this situation, as much as I didn't want to do the wrong thing. I've never been so drawn to someone in my life. My husband's been going to the gym too and he's feeling a lot better about himself (exercise makes you happier) and we are getting on great. He and my gym guy are good friends too. This is a complete mess I know. But I love my husband and I love this gym instructor and at this point I can't stop having a relationship with him. I can only hope it doesn't get out and we can ride it out somehow. I would just be devasted if I stopped seeing him though. Please don't judge me. I know this is bad. But when I'm with him nothing else matters.

At this point I must admit I haven't been good. I have slept with him and it was very loving and tender. I thought this would help me because there was so much sexual tension I thought if I slept with him we might have a chance of just agreeing to have that memory and be friends. Which is what we agreed to do afterward. Unfortunately this has not worked. We are more in love than ever and it is extremely frustrating. My husband is a very good husband and knows me well, but I just don't like how he relates to me. My gym guy is like my dream as far as personality goes. He is just exactly what I've always wanted. But my husband's a good guy. Getting the to and fro here? I could definitely see myself with this guy.

On the other responses: No situation is ever textbook. He is a genuine guy and I am sure I am not another notch on the belt. This relationship has become far too difficult for him to want to continue it for anything other than love. I know we are doing the wrong thing, but the only thing I meant was cliche was the fact he was a gym instructor and that's how we met. Nothing else has been cliche. He wishes our situation was different, just like I do. Cheating is never the right thing to do. If I get found out I may lose the two people who mean the most to me. But I guess when you say to yourself 'I've only got one life to live and this person happened to walk into my life too late' you start to justify it because we all want that fantastic relationship where you are with someone you truly admire.

The reason I and the other posters all came down in one
voice is because this is a common situation. Maybe the
guy isn't a gym guy...maybe he's a lawyer or a doctor
or the vet, whatever...

Problem in marriage
meet Mr. Perfect
have affair with Mr. Perfect...

Now usually what happens is that the husband/wife
finds out and it's one of an excitement/
or
you lie for the rest of your life.

Lying is usually the best choice.

The standard now is that you and your lover
set up trysts so that on Tuesday evening
neither goes to the gym...and you get it on..
and since you all have cell phones no one
knows where you are when you answer...

if he doesn't care about his girlfriend as much
as you don't care about your husband, I don't
see why you don't dump them and move in
together.

What's holding you back?

It seems you remain with your husband out
of pity, and have so little respect for him that
you can introduce him to your lover...he's probably
the only person in the gym who doesn't know what
is happening.

Don't kid yourself...everyone knows.

You might as well enjoy it as much as you can
because it is one of those relationships that
comes with a very high price tag.

Thanks for responding and updating me on what is going on in your relationship. It feels good to hear that someone else has a messed up situation like me. I haven't gone as far as you have but the guy that I have been hanging out with is my best friend and he treats me the way I want to be treated and I wish my husband would treat me that way. I still don't know what I am going to do but I feel like I am falling in love with him and my and I waiting for my husband to make some changes so I can be happy again with him. The only problem with that is if my husband can change and make me happy then I might end up hurting this other guy and I don't want to lose him as a friend but I don't think my husband will allow me to be frineds with him. I just still don't know what to do. I am hoping time will tell but I am so confused. This other guy has always made me feel like he really pays attention to me, likes me for who I am, and really knows me and these are the things that I want my husband to do but he just doesn't have a clue. I keep telling my husband what I want and he says he will do all of those things but I haven't seen much change. Your situation sounds kinda crazy with your husband and gym guy being friends, I would be scared. Are you going to keep this going on or are the two of you going to decide if you are going to leave your husband and his girlfriend and be together? I would really like to know how things are going for you. Good luck and I hope everything works out. Thanks for listening.

If a woman came to me for counseling in this
kind of situation; (husband & lover) I would
ask;

"When did you begin to pity your husband?"

Usually this causes a double take, then a denial
then lots of random bits, and then finally, the
realisation...
the only reason she is with the husband is
because she feels sorry for him.

And the next question;

"Can you distinguish between pity and guilt?"

Hi. I was wondering if after you slept with the gym guy did you regret it or feel guilty? Have you fallen back in love with your husband or more out of love with him now that you are in love with the gym guy? If you could please respond it would be greatly appreciated. I am in an extremely similar situation but I have not gone that far yet but often think about doing it. Thanks and hope everything is going well in your relationships.