Hi I'm 24 and been married for 6 years. I got married young, obviously when I was eighteen and have only ever been with my husband. My husband is a great guy and a really caring and good person. He teels me I'm the only one for him. As nice and sweet as he is he is always beating up on himself and getting depressed. I am sick of trying to prop him up all the time and make him happy. He is not bad looking, but he doesn't take care of himself and I feel like you should try and look nice for your partner. He doesn't have much self esteem or sense of self worth despite the fact I say nice things to him all the time (and mean it). I don't know if I was every really physically attracted to him, I looked for a good person because that's what I thought I should do and that's what would last.

Recently (and I know this going to seem extremely cliche) I have been going to the gym to get healthy and have found myself falling for the gym instructor, who is not only extremely hot, but a happy confident person who is just a breath of fresh air. When he made a pass at me a week ago it took all my effort to say no and it was so hard becasue I wanted him so much. Since then I have been alone with him a couple of times and ended up in sessions of passionate kissing, etc. I don't want to cheat but this is so hard because I feel like I haven't really been IN LOVE or with someone before or had sex with someone i was really attracted to before and now it's right in front of me and I don't want to regret passing up the opportunity as much as I don't want to regret cheating on my innocent husband (who I am sure would never cheat on me). It's a bit hard when he keeps telling me I deserve better and that he's not good enough for me. The gym instructor is in a committed relationship or three years with a girl he says he loves but he says he justifies it by thinking what she doesn't know can't hurt her. He's told me he feel guilty too but not to the extent I do cause I guess he's older and been around a bit more. I'm also worried if I sleep with him it will be even harder for me to feel attracted to my husband again. I don't want to hurt my husband.

Do you think I can ever fall in love with my husband if I don't feel attracted to him now? I would stop this right now if I knew I could be in love with him in the future. Don't get me wrong, I know things can't always be like they are at the start of a relationship, but I can't say that I've every been IN LOVE or lusted after my husband, I've only loved him and enjoyed sex (half the time) so its worked.

This sounds so cold but I'm just trying to explain myself as truthfully as possible. I am going to away with this guy soon and the opportunity will no doubt arise. Please let me know what you think I should do. I know I can't pursue a long term relationship with this guy but I sure as want him now. I've never wanted someone so much in my life. He is a good guy (apart from wanting to cheat on his girlfriend) he has told me he will stop whenever I want him to and we'll just be good friends again.

HI,
Well first of all I will be totaly honest with you. You need to be honest with your husband as far as him not bieng so attracted to him. And suggest some things, but there is a differents in cheating and I feel like you have already crossed that line. If you have already done something behind your husbands back then you have cheated. A kiss or a personal effection is all it takes. If you are unhappy in your marriage then you may need to go to councling or find something that both you and your husband enjoy doing together. Making a move with some one else is not a good way to deal. Besides think if this trainer is uncaringly going to cheat on his girlfriend with you, who knows who else he is bieng with. Men that cheat also lie. It sounds like you have a thought not to do something you will regret so just stop.
T.

Thankyou very much. I appreciate your honest response i needed that. I have actually had a very honest talk about how I feel with my husband (aside from the other guy, it would kill him) and he is positive about making some changes. I know what you are saying about men who cheat also lie, but I am hardly one to judge at the moment. He does feel guilty about this, not that that makes it okay, but I'm pretty sure he's not a serial offender. I'm just defending him because I obviously like him a lot as a person and it's hard to just stop. But I am trying. I've already told him we have to stop because we have no right and he's agreed that his partner doesn't deserve it. It's just very hard. I never thought I'd even look at somebody else. This has totally caught me off guard. Once again, not that that's an excuse. Thankyou once again. Just hearing the right thing to do helps a lot.

i agree with tforme. be honest with your husband, after all u are married to him and marriage is about trying to make it work, whatever the problem may be. think about what u are doing with this man, would u like your husband to do this to u? if this guy is cheating on his gf now, then its possible he could do that to u later on....u did mention that your husband would never cheat so which would u rather?

i agree with tforme. be honest with your husband, after all u are married to him and marriage is about trying to make it work, whatever the problem may be. think about what u are doing with this man, would u like your husband to do this to u? if this guy is cheating on his gf now, then its possible he could do that to u later on....u did mention that your husband would never cheat so which would u rather?

I am glad that I read your post because I have an extremely similar situation. I am 30 and have known my husband for 15 years (1/2 of my life!) and we have been together for 14 years and married for 8yrs. I have never been with anyone else before and have always kinda wondered what it would be like. Then I just tell myself that its just sex and I'm sure it is all the same but I have never really felt lust either for my husband. I love him and I know that he would never cheat on me so that is why it makes it so hard for me not to cheat. I have this guy friend at work who is the nicest guy I have ever met. He knows I am married and he has never tried to break up my marriage he just tells me sometimes he wishes I wasn't married but he keeps his distance and doesn't try anything with me. We have known eachother for a year now and have been hanging out for 7 months but my husband doesn't know. I haven't cheated even though sometimes I want to just to see what it is like. I don't know if I could live with the guilt. For the past 7 months of getting to know this guy he has turned out to be one of my best friends and I wish that my husband could listen to me and pay more attention to me as he does. I sometimes think he knows me better than my own husband and that is terrible to think that my husband barely knows me yet he has known me for 15 years and this other guys knows me and has only known me for a year. My guy friend is cute but not hot like your gym guy. I think my situation is more emotional than physical because he gives me the emotional level that I do not get from my husband. Don't get me wrong though he is cute and I could definitely see my self being with him. I would love to know what ended up happening with you and your gym guy. I don't have any advice for you since I am totally confused to. I just thought I would let you know that you are not alone out there. I thought I was the only one out there that has only been with one person and doesn't know what dating is. Well hang in there.

There are a lot of opportunists out there...the Gym Instructor
is TEXT BOOK.

He is enjoying himself. He sees a woman who is putting off
a certain vibe, and he salvates like Pavlov's dogs. He's
probably cheated on his girlfriend all their relationship,
and you'll just be a notch on his belt.

The best thing is to change gyms. No discussion, just
leave, because you are about to make a problem the
size of a cell phone, into a 747.

Get away from Mr. Gym Instructor. (If he had horns, hooves,
and a tail, would you recognise him better?)

Your husband has a psychological problem, which can be
fixed. Something happened in his past, maybe he doesn't
even recall it.

Get your husband to a psychiatrist, and yourself OUT
of THAT GYM.

do u remember why u married him in the 1st place??? try and remember, to rekindle your love. how would you feel if he did this to you? think about it .. u could be making a terrible mistake.