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he doesn't have to be 50 to have a midlife crisis......... he has gone and shifted gears and done a 360 in life. almost like having one identity one day and a complete new identity the next
no call for thanksgiving
so I waited and waited and he never called me to wish me a thanksgiving. why is he acting like I am the one who did something to him? I have no clue who he is anymore. What happened to that caring, loving, and helpful person. He is a total stranger now. But why. He never allowed someone else to change him why is he changing now? He is only 32 years old I don't think he is going through a mid life crisis. It is like if I never existed in his life but I did for 15 years. Is the other women keeping him tight? or is he just not wanting to deal with me anymore? Last I talked to him he acted like I cheated on him. he blew me off when I wanted to talk to him. He is being a different person a person who he never was maybe he wants to fit into his artsy world he just fits into his BS world.
he doesn't have to be 50 to have a midlife crisis......... he has gone and shifted gears and done a 360 in life. almost like having one identity one day and a complete new identity the next
he is avoiding you, because he acted badly towards you and hurt you. he would prefer to protect his delicate male ego, than make amends. i wish we could get together and egg his house or something (only joking) i am sorry - is thanksgiving a big holiday around your way? i have heard of it, isnt it something to do with eating turkey? pardon my ignorance.
You said something very telling, "He never allowed someone else to change him why is he changing now?" NO one else can change him, no one else can change you - unless he/you let them. People only change because they want to. They may change because they have low self esteem or are trying to please but that isn't a true change, it's accomodation.
Trying to make a man change is one of the worst things you can do. It says he isn't good enough and you can't really love and accept him as he is. This is a real toughie for them. It may seem that they try to change you but they are fixers and solvers, they are usually trying to help by what they think is your problem. We women often misunderstand that because we feel we aren't being heard. When you try to change him or improve him, you may think you are helping him but he will feel you are saying that he isn't good enough as he is. In general men want to please the woman they care for, it hits them hard when they aren't acceptable as they are. Granted some of them develop unacceptable behaviors or had behaviors they hid that come out later and aren't tollerable. That can be a real tough issue. But if you were trying to change him, of course he resisted and probably withdrew.
Some things you do have to lay down the law but those should have been agreed on early on for both of you. The deal breakers should have been discussed as you got to know each other. The rest is minor annoyances, granted they can sink a relationship. Men don't do well with hints they need a smiling wack over the head with a bat sometimes to remember things like bdays and anninversaries. It isn't that they don't care, it's just they are so focused on whatever they are doing that everything else go right out of their brains. They have these cute little one track minds.
Anyway your guy has moved on. Why would you expect a Happy Thanksgiving call? Why did YOU ruin YOUR day waiting for a call? He didn't do that, you did. It's over as far as he's concerned. You have to move on, find some fun in your life. He probably isn't going to talk about it or let you cry on him. Put on your smile, wipe away the tears and decide to have some fun.
The truth hurts. I wish I could egg his sculptures but I respect his work too much..
Passion,
You are going to go through different stages with this..
Your angry and rightly so, your in pain and rightly so.
Wildchild's words at the end there were strong, very strong, however, very true...
He is not worthy of whom you are inside, you need to stand strong now and say, pfttt you are not in my life anymore and it's now mine, let's go, who am I, what do I want, like to do... And, start getting your butt out there and being... YOU...
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
I have to agree you set yourself up for a bad day expecting something.... If you keep doing this you will always be on the losing side of this hun . YOU can come out being a winner if you want to. Break ups are never fun or easy they hurt. Some ppl run and avoid but it always catchs up to them just at a later date.
I think you have to start making a list of the things you love about yourself. Then make a list of everything you ever wanted to try and dream big. Make a 1 day, 1 week, 1 month, 1year, 2 year, 5 year, 10 year plan for yourself. Set new goals.
Stop looking back today... look forward
Its that I dont know how to occupy my days without him don't know what to do on the weekends without him or at nights with out him. I grew very dependent and looked forward to days with him. Today, he called me and told me he had the divorce papers and he needed me to go through them. I tried to talk to him and he told me something that made me think. He said you stopped caring and trying for us, when you stopped carying for yourself, for the household you stopped caring for me. he said I gained weight and stopped carrying for me. He said he is now going to try to make himself happy and most of his energy went on us. He said that he had forced me all along to dream with him, to support him, and to go to functions with him. I realized that he did. But I told him that he never forced me to do anything I had a choice always had a choice and I had always chosen to go along with his dream and support him. I told him that if telling me all this would make him feel better about himself then go ahead and think that but to really sit down and think about the times that I sacrificed for his dream. Now I am numb, this is for real and I don't know how to let go. He told me that the house was a mess and he could not live there anymore. He told me he will meet me somewhere else to talk about the divorce papers but not at the house. He told me he was now going to think about himself he was getting older and it was time for him to think about himself and only himself. He said he was never happy with me but I reminded him that just a week before that he had told me that he was so happy that I was his wife and finally working along his side. He told me he will always care for me but he needed to do this for himself. He also said that he had a relationship with that girl but had not slept with her. I told him he was being brainwashed by that girl. He said that all of what he had told me was all him, his words.
honey i know you are feeling lost and sad at the moment, but please do something to make yourself happy, anything go see a movie with a friend, get your hair done, dance naked in the rain, excerise and get fit and repeat after me - SHE DESERVES HIM!!!! he is a liar and a cheat, when the time is ready you will meet someone deserving of you. really it happened to me it will happen to you. i am sending you my hugs and kisses
XXX
I can't sympathize enough for you passion...but when you are feeling that lonely and down make yourself get up and just go for a walk and breathe in and out, it helps believe me. Take it from me it is easier for them to blame you, because of the guilt and plain and simple they know all this pain and these bad choices were all them and they are in their own pain or anger. they just have different ways of coping.
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