Thread: Something just feels....missing...??

Yes, fellow Aussie here!

My husband has no problems with seeing me as sexy...Haha. He think's I'm the sexiest thing on 2 legs & tells me that quite often.
I do dress "feminine", I have long nails (yet routinely break them when I'm working with the horses).
When we first met & were dating, we got ALOT of attention for the height difference. Men have always showed me alot of attention. I'm tall, blonde & have big boobs(granted I've put on about 10kg's that I shouldn't have...but Hubby said I've got better curves & bigger boobs now, so he loves it! Go figure). LOL But now, I don't like the attention, or people staring at us (and yes, they do stare, espeically if I wear heels).
I can feel sexy & dress sexy (but not when it comes to sexy lingerie & sex)....but find it hard with him, I don't know if maybe because he's not as fit as he was...maybe that has something to do with it(double standard I know)???...That makes me sound like such a horrible person.
I find it uncomfortable when we have sex. I just feel sort of like a fish in a fish bowl, the way he looks at me. I know it's because he loves me, but it makes me feel uncomfortable being the "centre" of attention. Yet I can walk around the house nude...but when it comes to actually having sex, with him....not so comfortable then.
Geez, that's doesn't even make sense to me....

No I haven't said anything to my husband. It would hurt him & I couldn't do that....he's really done nothing wrong.

I just don't "lust" after him like I used to...When we met, I felt safe with him. That's why I stayed with him. I'd never had that with a man before.
I was abused as a child, and consequently got all my 'confidence' from men as a teen. I was soooooo looking for attention in the wrong ways. When I met him & he was nice...had a future infront of him....I wasn't letting that go. And sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision...Did I settle for the 1st person that treated me right...
I still have problems with depression. I know that & being by myslef all the time isn't helping. And it's been so hard with the new property & handling it on my own...And I've also got mild OCD, so when I get something in my head...it's hard to get it out. Especially when I have no one to bounce my thoughts off.
I've always had problems with people touching me & I do have trust issues. Even to the point, where I think I've only hugged my mum 3 times in the last 8 yrs. The worst part of my wedding day, was when people were coming up & hugging me.
Some people I feel comfortable enough with, that I can hug them. But there isn't many.

Argh...I'm such a bloody whinger. Sorry guys.
Just have so many thoughts running through my head...it helps to write them down I guess.

Oh & the trip is to go to his work Christmas party. I just hope everything will be alright here at home, while I'm gone....
I really worry about my horses.
Lately everything has just been going wrong...It's been one problem after the next & it's getting me down.

it'll hurt him more if you let it fester and gets to the point where you cant stand him anymore and leave.

that's the problem, we always put off having the hard conversations because we supposedly "dont want to hurt the other person".

I'm not saying you need to lay it out in a nasty way, or even begin with 100% of whats going on in your head. but if you dont at least start, it'll end up being too late.

unless that's what you really want to have happen...