Thread: heartbroken

Thanks for all you support. Am at my mum and dads at the moment. Have decided to walk away from trying to get money back from him for the holiday....I dont want to be waiting for his e-mails and trying to read between the lines it hurts to much. I am going to ignore his e-mails if they come and try to move forward with my life. He has made his choice in life and it has taken our pathways away from one another. I need to try and heal so I dont hate him as much as I do right now. I except we both played a role in this breakdown and I know the lies he told made me insecure and confused and constantly worried about money. I do pity him in a way as when he cried that day he looked like a lost boy ...scared to death of commitment ...getting married and working through things. He told my mum he would never know if he had made the correct choice. I can answer that for him...we both will never know that because we did not stay together to get through it and who knows if it would have made us stronger or not..... but reflecting on it I dont think I could have carried on with it because my dreams were laying shattered on the floor. Its a funny thing being the person that is left because ...it makes you feel lost inside ...you cant help but blame yourself....and emotions change from day to day. I want to get to the point where I dont try to work it out anymore and think what if I did this and what if.....Im reading a book called Starting again by Sarah Litvinoff..It is really helping as it makes you realise that quite often the people we are drawn to are often who we think we deserve....Ive never really been a confident person and Ive never really liked myself .....I dont know why but I want to understand more about me and why I feel this way inside. What attracted me to my partner was that he was confident, self assured, in control of money....Happy and bouncy...It turned out that all of these thing I loved about him for were not real he was in fact the opposite....Maybe just maybe I spotted this at the beginning and was drawn to this I just dont know. All I know is that I dont listen to my gut instinct and often try so hard to keep things going when I know deep down they are not going to work. I do believe he will hurt so many people in life because he is not ready to learn...but that is his lesson to go through now and I have to learn my own. Happy christmas to you all and thanks so much for yuor help.......I am going to try to get up and do something to get myself out of this depression. X

you sound a lot more positive, a hope your mum and dad spoil you, in six months time if not sooner, you will be congratulating yourself on your narrow escape!!!