He e-mailed me ..Im desparate

**geogeo** · 01-05-2009 09:35 AM

I recieved an e-mail from my ex last night it was horrible. It brought me to my knees. He listed all the things he had done on the house and treated me like a stranger. What he thought he owed me. Then he said in it I hope you understand that I will only agree to give you half the honeymoon if you give me the duvet set, phones, (They cost 16 pounds) ...The cuttlery set our engagement present from his parents. My heart felt like it was going to explode with pain. I tried ringing him but he would not take the call. Then I text him how could he be so horrible and how much I loved him ...I was a mess just broken mess crying on the floor. I think it was at this point I knew that he did not love me anymore and hadnt for a long time. He text back saying he didnt mean be so factual in the letter but thats what he thought I wanted and that he thought I hated him. I text him saying I missed him so much and loved him and didnt want his money. I know I should not have said this but I wanted him to know that I loved him so much. My heart is pounding now and I just feels sick. I couldnt take the pain of e-mails anymore so I text him this morning to phone me so we could sort all this out like adults once and for all. I dont want to ask him questions but I keep asking myself how could he be so cruel with me ....so cold like I meant nothing in his life. I was going to marry this man in 3 months. I dont feel I am ever going to get over this and that hurts like . Im lost confused and feel so alone. How do I know it will ever get better? He text back saying he would like to talk to me about the stuff and will ring me tonight. I want to have some dignity left but how can you when you love someone so much? The phonecall tonight will probably be the last piece of contact I will ever have with him again. I feel at times I just cant go on carrying this pain. Im desperate

**WildChild** · 01-05-2009 09:58 AM

It's hard and there isn't anything anyone can say to make it any better. It really is a matter of time. Wedding/engagement gifts should be returned to the giver if at all possible. Do let him pick up some of the cost for cancelling, weddings are expensive and you shouldn't have to bear the financial burden of him changing his mind. Bear in mind that you aren't thinking as clearly as you would be under normal circumstances.

He broke this off and your pain is not unreasonable. You don't have to be vindictive or unreasonable but he is the one who has called this off, let him deal with some of the fall out.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 01-07-2009 02:02 AM

oh firstly please read my reply to your other thread, secondly please keep (one thread) because it's hard for us to keep track and help you when you start new ones but still on the same subject ok?

Thirdly. Don't you DARE let him NOT pay you anything that is WHAT he wants.

Look i will be hard here, way hard bad luck... I am a poster like everyone else.

I gave my ex EVERYTHING, just like he wanted, EXCEPT i am not divorced yet, and so, i am not bitter but i have had time to realise i have given too much, like $100k too much..

I don't want it but i will not let him take a cent from me which he feels he can have...

Too long a story.

Point being, they control and control and make you feel the worst, had to be your fault, they play and then they get all they want...

But I can read this guy like a book.

Do not give in...

Papers need to be signed regardless of what you are telling him now, he took and took and pretented he had money and got you both into debt and now is trying to work out how he can get OUT OF DEBT with a little physcology on you...

You need to talk to more than just us so you can understand what I am saying.

I do get mad when I see this, I will make her feel low, it's her fault, I will agree to meet, but off course I will continue on my quest... I will succeed and not lose.................

CW

**WildChild** · 01-07-2009 07:59 AM

Went back and glanced at all your posts, got to agree with CW, too many threads makes it hard to follow. Does sound like this guy is a user and now he's trying to dump it all at your doorstep -common practice - my ex did it. The reason there was no equity in the house wasn't the economy, wasn't the fact that he had been unemployed 4 out of 8 years, wasn't all the expensive meds he had to have - it was all my fault (he bought himself 2 cars, a tractor, a riding mower - I have the same 27 yr old vehicle and furniture I had before I met him). Headtrip.

This clown needs to step up and pay, he needs to pay you back for what you've put in on his behalf. We women tend to give way past what we should, assuming that at some time it will balance out. Men give until they feel it's getting uneven and quit until it feels balanced again. They'll assume its ok and that as long as you are giving you must feel he's giving enough. It hard to cope with for us overgivers, we get screwed a lot. Learn now while you are young, don't spend years doing this.

Right now it hurts but be glad you found out what he is before you signed on the dotted line or had kids with him.

**geogeo** · 01-07-2009 04:21 PM

Deep down my heart really wants to move on but Im having a real battle inside. Its such a strange feeling and it really is like an internal war. Part of me thinks he was not all he seemed but I think you are right I dreamed about the perfect wedding and being perfectly happy and living happy ever after. I went to see my councellor and she told me from were she was sat it sounded like somewhere along the line I had lost who I was and was changing to much to fit into someone elses life. The person I loved in the beginning was an act ...he was trying to hard to be something he was not and of course he could not keep it up because he was telling lies about money. The sad thing is his own parents believe his lies.......Yes I played my part but there was no need to put me through all of this. If he was not happy he should have left before the wedding plans but instead waited until we spent more money on the wedding. My councellor was saying from were we stand they always look like they are coping in a better way and that they are really getting over it quickly. She thought by the sounds of it my ex dealt with things by putting problems into a little box and never facing them. She said until he is willing to face these things he will always make the same mistakes in life. She said I have to deal with my health and look after myself. I fell asleep at the wheel today in my car. Have to travel an hour to work and was fighting back the tierdness from not sleeping and must have nodded off. I ended up in the middle lane ...it could have been nasty and I think that was my wake up call. I cant keep putting myself through this pain. I have to try to get thruogh this and start looking after myself. I ate properly for the first time today and it hurt my belly but I did it. Thak-you for all your support it is really helping me to see things in a different light. I will get there....I will

**geogeo** · 01-08-2009 06:34 PM

I saw his dad today...I went to the dentist andand sat in the hall on one chair. I heard a voice in the dentists room. I did not but 2 and 2 togther. I heard the voice saying that the wedding was off and it was for the best. At that he walked out the room and i was face to face with him. He said hello and i was just in shock . He said i am sorry i really am and he looked like he had a really sug look on his face. I said well he has made his decision and he replied yes he has Im afraid. I said i did not know if i could have gone on with the lies. My heart was breaking and my lip was going when he asked where i went for Xmas and how i had been...I said it is tough and at that I nearly started crying. I wanted to screem out look what your son has done to me and you smile and you use to put me down....I was shaking and of course i did not say that. He kissed me on the cheek and left.
When I got home i cried harder than I have ever cried and felt so sick inside. It was horrible...so horrible and I am back here again. I know now that I have to move house as I cant stay here anymore it hurts to much. Cant write much as am in so much pain again.

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