Thread: my fiance is addicted to porn and i'm so lost

Hi. I just read your post. I know that you originally posted in January. I hope all this are well. However, I just wished I has joined this site sooner. When I read your post it was like I wrote it. The sad part is that in all the responses no-one every referenced the "biblical" viewpoint of porn. Porn is not right in God's eyes. I am a Christian. I just found out about a month ago that my fiance was addicted to porn and very heavily since he was 14 years old, he is now 38. Everysingle thought that you mentioned I have felt, betrayed, disrepsected, lied to, humiliated and the list goes on forever. I have stayed stead fast and prayed on it.. and I will continue to do so. That is my advice to you as well. We have several married friends who have been good role models for us. No one knows about his addiction. No one. It is embarrassing. He is unable to control himself. At night when I am asleep he goes on the computer for hours looking at all types of sites, sometimes when I confront him he is okay with it, other times it turns into an arguements. I am spiritually drained. There is a website called "Focus on the Family" that has amazing information on pornography and the mental, physical, spiritual and emotional effects on the person and their familes. Porn can and will destroy a marriage if it is not healed. I know that there are many people in this world with various beliefs and I respect that. However, my belief through God is that sex is between husband and wife not between strangers, cell phones, internet, sex booths etc. This world has twisted so many things in its favor so that it can do whatever it wants to. Please go with your "first mind" that feeling in your gut that says this is not right. Because it is not. Ask your fiance if he would like to get counceling, let him make the first step and then be there for support. It is an everyday battle, we have our good weeks and then we have our bad weeks, right now I am in the mist of planning our wedding for next spring, and often times I take a break from it all just to ask God am I doing the right thing? Should I leave, will this be this way forever? Its alot to deal with. Another thing I would recommend is the movie "Fireproof". Please rent this movie. We watched it together and it was amazing. It deals with marriage and the devastating affect pornography has on a marriage. I wish you all the best dear. I am a little older than yourself, However, we all have decisions to make in life. As women, we must encourage one another and give wisdom with our words to build each other up, not excuses. God has a plan for you. Be blessed.

Hi Lifeisgolden
Were there signs of problems in your sex life before you found out he was addicted to porn?

Is your husband willing to go to counseling? It sounds like he knows he has a problem.

i realize this post is old, but ...my fiance is addicted to porn to..he's 23 and i'm 19. and i feel the same way you said you feel, that i am his leftovers, and sometimes i feel not good enough for him. ive tried talking to him many times, but it doesnt seem to get anywhere. and today really had me upset because i spent the night at his house yesterday and i was there most of the day, and not that i'm trying to tell you my personal life, but we made love twice yesterday, then when he went to bed, (we sleep in different rooms, because we were at his familys house and they are very religious) i found out today he was watching porn on his phone. and it's like i was in the room next to you, you could have came to me, we made love twice, but yet you still didn't feel satisfy. at least thats the way i look at it, like he still needed something more, and i didn't fulfill his desire, enough. idk what to do, and i'm worried its going to ruin our relationship, i love him more then anything in this world. but to me, porn is disgusting. sex is supposed to be with the person you love, and it's supposed to be making love, something that is supposed to be special, and have meaning behind it. and i just can't accept the fact that the man i love, is getting all hot and horny, and sometimes possibly getting off to another girl. in my mind, that is supposed to me for me, if that makes sense. i'm really sorry, for talking about this, and going into a little more detail, but i can't talk to my friends and family about it, just like the other girl said. but idk what to do anymore, and i guess i'm scared. i don't want to lose him, and i don't want to leave him. but it hurts me, and i feel that he doesn't care how it makes me feel, because if he did, why does he keep doing it? and after today, and that i found out he watched porn last night with me being at his house, he said that he has an addiction. but at the same time, to me an addiction to something, if you go without you will have withdrawal symptoms. what symptoms have ever been reported about someone stopping watching porn? i'm just really confused and not sure what to do anymore. it's been a problem for a while, but he always just says he's sorry and that he will stop, and then ill find out he watched it, and then i'll confront him nicely, and he will deny it. and that makes me more upset, i don't like the fact of what your doing, but don't lie to my face about it either. and i don't want to say porn is cheating, but in our relationship, our agreement of cheating, is that cheating is doing or saying anything you wouldn't say or do in front of me. and he wouldn't watch porn in front of me. so with our "agreement" its cheating. idk. i'm just looking i guess to vent to someone, and to get a little advice.