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Everybody likes looking at an attractive person of the sex s/he's attracted to; anything else is a lie. Many like porn, men and women, for various reasons. The most common problem with porn that I've noticed and experienced is that it becomes an issue when it starts to affect the relationship, in either a small or larger degree.
When someone lies about porn or hides it then it becomes a problem and goes beyond porn. Lies have no place in a relationship, whether it is about porn or about eating cake from the fridge. Lies are unacceptable. And when someone is lied to regarding an issue that involves sex, in one way or another, then this leads to the SO having doubts. Doubt about self esteem, trust, lust, all kinds of doubts. You can't avoid this when sex and secrets are combined. It's not about watching porn, is what it means to you and how you use it. I enjoy driving, so wouldn't it be odd if I told my SO that "I don't drive" and yet take the car for a spin every night? I don't understand why people rather be secretive than open when they claim they want a serious relationship.
By default, for most people, porn is nothing to be concerned about, you don't even think about it. However, when you start noticing odd behaviours, weird PM's from your SO to women on the internet, weird text messages, odd IE history, bad sex life, him wanting you to go out by yourself without a good reason, and so on, you just don't feel right about it. When your SO's wish for porn and browsing of naked women on places like Myspace is obvious enough to make you wonder about it then we have a problem. When the first thought your man has when you leave the house is porn and you know this, then it's done, you can't take any more porn. If porn is a once in a while occasion and not a goal then it cannot be a problem. But when it becomes an issue and a reason to lie for then it is.
So, let's say I see this incredibly hot guy down the street, totally different to my man, I bet he's going to be a different lover to what I have, why not try him out? And I could really use something 'different' at the moment... Doesn't mean I don't love my man, I just want something... different...Originally Posted by iggyB
It's like saying "you have a steak and you have lobster. Both are good but you just want to variate from time to time". Okay. How about what your SO wants?
It doesn't have to go as far as it having an impact on his work. If it has an impact on her it's bad enough. Having to live someone with habits you can't stand is pretty awful. That paragraph made me think that we have to treat men like children, yet again.
How about not getting passionate sex? Do different rules apply when it comes to approaching porn in that case?
Just to make it clear, this is not a direct assault towards the poster, I just thought it would be interesting to reply to these lines for the sake of argument. There are no personal comments or anything like that. It's directed more to 'all men' than the actual poster, because I've read these lines before from various men.
Peace
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